i recently turned 25 last month and i feel like i've been left behind. i ended up dropping out of art school my first semester and now i'm just so hesitant to go back because i'm worried i'll fall behind again, i havent dated since my ex dumped me through text for someone at their college, partly cuz i'm going to get back on hrt and don't want anyone saying i tricked them and getting hurt or worse. i don't even think i can make friends unless they're online because it's such a pain in the ass explaining how im a gnc trans guy just to watch it go in one ear and out the other, like they're literally fighting to not understand it. a work friend literally refuses to use my name, calling it a "fake" name, the same shit that happened at my last job. i don't even draw anymore, i went from drawing everyday, to barely being able to make a doodle because i hate everything i put to paper. i just feel like i lost all the passion and potential i had when i was growing up, and it makes me feel so empty inside.

https://nextrunwaystar.com/2026/adian-valdez?fbclid=PAb21jcATt2DNwZG9mAmV4dG4DYWVtAjExAHNydGMGYXBwX2lkDzU2NzA2NzM0MzM1MjQyNwABpyGPMjG4nCnrSMw-pLJUrkp41Rn2hWrb2cob4z-ooqpgzIIHrLiIl_qPrnzY_aem_73G5OxJBYNufxN40KbtbOw

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Hello, I hope everyone still on here is doing well. I'm in need of a bit of assistance. I've been struggling with a p*rn addiction since I was 10~ maybe a bit younger. It's not been a fun experience. I've already had tons of issues with procrastination but this made it much worse. Anytime something made me anxious or doubtful I would fall back on p*rn. I've only ever told one friend about the problem in my whole life and only vaguely covered the issue with my mother but she wasn't really helpful. My friend on the other hand was. He was far more understanding and helpful but, in the end he had his own life so, I fell back into trying and failing to deal with the problem on my own. It obviously hasn't been going well. From failing to get into the college that I wanted. To settle in a bad position to go to a college that my mother wanted me to go to. To then being manipulated into staying there and then falling off grade wise due to the stress and all the while dealing with the p*rn addiction.

I kept trying and failing to rectify my mistakes, fix my grades, find more opportunities but, my position, mental, and emotional state was already chalked. On top of all of that it felt like everything I attempted to do to fix the problems just failed the moment I tried to even go for them. From school staff and officials not knowing the information in their own handbooks. I missed opportunities because my Uni was so far away from any reasonable transportation options. It got to be too much. I made 2 attempts on my life at Uni. The first one I backed out. The second failed, I attempted to hang myself and the rope broke. After that I became completely reclusive. I stopped going to class, I couldn't even talk to my old friends. Even now, I can't speak to them. I feel like a failure and that they want nothing to do with me. But of course, the addiction never stopped. It became the only thing I could try to work on. I've spent the past 3~yrs trying to break this addiction. Failing again and again. It's gotten so bad now that I've started getting more comfortable hurting myself. I've bought multiple knives that I've used on myself. I've told no one about it and I am very precise to leave nothing obvious. It's starting to become clearer to me that I'm getting closer to a point where I can kill myself without backing out. I've even considered buying poisons from DNWs and using those on myself.

I genuinely think that my life is over. 17M and I'm turning 18 in a few weeks, but my life is in utter shambles that I don't think I'm ready for the real world just yet. I have no hobbies, and I don't think I can even enjoy new ones right now because I have to get ready for college. I've fantasized times where I could just work part time so I can do something productive instead of consistently failing in school, but I'm so scared of what my family or relatives might think of me when I do. I consider myself as a people pleaser, but I couldn't name someone I actually pleased with my presence. I've been like this for 3 years, but 7 months ago a great woman changed my life for the better. That was nice, until I messed up and got too overemotional and said things I shouldn't have. It's been a week since she last texted, and I know for sure that my life is only down from here. I'm scared, I think my life is over.

I've been in this exact same situation before, and honestly the best thing to do is to keep going on with life.
Live in the moment and see where life takes you, you never know what's in store for you.
Things will get better, and worse, and better again, because life is a rollercoaster of emotions and will always go up and down and take you through loops and twists and turns.
Of course, don't just forget about your future or your past, keep them with you and plan for them, but don't be too focused on them, because in the end they'll just weigh you down.
This is all coming from my own personal experience, of course you are your own person and things will probably be different for you, but I hope this helps, or at least gives you some peace.

It's understandable that you're feeling this way. You are at a point in your life where you're going to be facing a lot of pressure over large decisions people around you and society at large says you need to make immediately. Understand that you have time though and with all the years ahead of you there's so many big changes that can happen.

It sounds to me like you have a lack of direction and/or purpose right now. Your fantasies of just being a little productive instead of consistently failing school might not be so much a fantasy and just genuinely what you desire. You might be well served by putting college off for now and just try working a bit. With your free time you can consider taking some random workshops for things you might be interested in or that are just useful like CPR/AED certification classes; such things can provide an opportunity to meet people and at the very least will give you some good things to put on your resumes/applications for jobs. After the year ask yourself for what purpose do you want to go to college. Is it for some specific path that requires college or are you simply going to college just to go to college? If it's the later then I highly encourage you to consider something else whether that be trade schools, getting certifications rather than a degree or just pursuing jobs that don't require degrees. Going into college without a clear goal is more likely to just put you in debt and leave you feeling even more overwhelmed.

As for the girl who hasn't messaged you back, it's hard to give advice without specifics, but I can say that if you feel bad over what you said then all you can do is apologize and proceed forward with your life. Hopefully she'll message you back and at least give you a chance to discuss it further, but if she doesn't then you have to accept the consequences and endeavor to have better control of your emotions. The memories might be bittersweet if she doesn't contact you back, but it shows that you can have sudden improvements in your life by meeting just a single person.

for the past couple of months i've been wanting to write a story that i've been thinking about so often, and maybe even one day make it into a tv show or a book. it was a silly idea my friends and i came up with but we brainstormed so many things, and we started to take seriously. i have always loved writing, and thinking up scenarios in my head, but i never thought of making a career out of it. i enrolled in college for environmental science, because i thought i wanted a career in science, another thing i was very interested in when i was little. i dropped out after a semester and i was unemployed for a bit until i got a job at this restaurant i work at as a dishwasher. it's not terrible, not like the fast food place i worked at in high school, but i am not happy there. i feel like every day is the same. i don't want to be a dishwasher. i feel like such a failure. on top of that, i'm chronically mentally ill and agoraphobic. i think i might be autistic and have ocd but i don't have an official diagnosis yet. i don't have health insurance and i am not really in a financial position to get therapy right now. i'm 20 years old and a stoner who stays in their room most of the time if i'm not at work. i've gotten better, but there was a point when i was unemployed and dropped out of college, inside all day every day, sleeping through the day and staying up all night to get high and play video games. i was looking for a job, obviously, but i wasn't getting any interviews. until i applied as a dishwasher for this relatively small family owned restaurant. i feel like i don't fit in at all, and most days i just turn my brain off, listen to music or a youtube video, and stay in my own world, ignoring everyone around me. only occasionally speaking when others acknowledged me. recently i've been talking to people more and i feel proud of my improvements. i got a girlfriend last year, and she's been a big help in my journey to mental health. i have a long long way to go and lots of childhood trauma to unpack, but i have a hope that i can get better. the thought of writing a story feels like it's my path. i want to make the idea i have for this show a reality, but i can't bring myself to just??? do it???? like the initial buzz i had just ran out after i wrote a few pages of notes and a first draft. i still think about it so often in my head, usually at work because i literally have nothing better to do than think, but i get home and i'm so burnt out from masking and dealing with so many people that i just wanna get high and waste time online. i have to admit i have gotten better at being offline, and i spent time outside of my room more often. i deleted basically every social media except for instagram, and i don't use that often. i have discord so me and my friends and gf can call when we play but i only talk to them because we actually have been irl together, like a friend i met in college that i still keep contact with. so, i clearly am ready for a new stage of my life entering my 20s. but it feels so overwhelming to know what i need to do. i feel like perhaps a therapist can help me with finding a clear path, and i'm working on that, but right now i feel stuck. and burnt out. anyways i started watching welcome to the n.h.k. recently and that has kinda been a wake up call to me lmao.. proud to say i'm not as bad as he is but unfortunately i do see myself in him a lot and i DO NOT want to end up like him. yikes. so yeah, maybe one day i can make this idea into a reality.

Heyo RENTEN! The initial buzz you mentioned is motivation that is unfortunately hard to count with and unreliable. I've been stuck with making any progress on my projects for years and the only thing that actually helps is building discipline. Creating anything is a long-term marathon and making even small bits of progress every couple of days adds up. A friend of mine understands this and pursues his creative art after 12h shifts, trying his best to stay disciplined and make progress. It's very difficult and as far as I know, there's no way to make it easier besides discipline. Identify what takes up your free time and try to use some of it for creative purposes. Something that helped me is completely quitting MMOs and no longer watching short-type content like tiktoks (I assume that's what you meant by mentioning deleting social media). It's actual hypnosis that eats so much time lol.

I don't know if my thoughts on this matter are of any help. I did manage to release a videogame and the experience from that helps me continue pushing it, but it took a lot of time to learn to work and treat creative stuff with enough seriousness to accomplish anything. I wish you good luck!!

>>2 i absolutely need to build discipline. and i totally agree that avoiding short form content did wonders for me. i find myself preferring hour to two hour long videos on youtube, and i see way more things i'm actually passionate about and help me get inspired and creative. tiktok used to constantly push extremely negative and triggering content that would get me stuck in spirals, and i even became detached with reality and was getting sucked into all kinds of conspiracies and spiritual rabbit holes.

i appreciate your response! i need to hear from people who have experienced this and are getting better/managing it. i'm glad to hear you released a video game. knowing that you could achieve that goal helps me feel more hopeful. thank you and good luck to you as well!!!