Hey. I'm looking for some people I used to be close with on Darasu. They went by the names "Stein" and "Rin" back in the day. We kind of had a little squad going on. I've just been thinking about Stein alot lately, and wondering how they're doing. Rin, too. Some things are different in my life, and I'm sure everything is different in theirs. I'd love to reconnect with them, my first internet friends, and talk about things. If anyone remembers the crew back then, or if you came into one of our chatrooms to chat with us, please bump. Who knows, maybe they'll notice. Weirder things have happened.
I remember crying out in such unbearable agony that it ripped me right in two. And then it ripped me again, and again and again.
Several severe lapses into psychosis and delusional paranoia. Spiraling into addiction and misery with the intentions to fight demons. I always come back to myself and put myself back together. Back into my own mind. I always find myself again. Over and over and over.
When I see the same things in the world that destroyed me I erupt into an inconsolable beast. I can't help but to sink my teeth into it and rip it limb from limb. I don't know anything else.
I am a harmless person, I truly am. I am peaceful and loving and incredibly compassionate, but may God have mercy on whatever it is I was sent to destroy.
I am a perfectly crafted weapon. I am a nuclear bomb. I am an unstoppable force.
But I am also grace. I am love. I am majesty.
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I had a dream that I was standing in a kitchen of a nice modern house, overlooking the waterfront. I remembered this was one of the houses my mum wanted to get because I saw her scrolling the real estate apps. I was glad we got it because it was pretty and she always wanted to live near water.
In the kitchen with me was my younger sister, we were just talking until I heard someone calling for her. It was a familiar voice, one I hadn’t heard in a long time. It was my dad. As he entered the kitchen, I looked so confused because I hadn’t seen him in a long time, I thought that something had happened to him. But nevermind that, because I hadn’t seen him and heard his voice in a while, I was kinda happy he was here.
However, I had this scratching feeling that something wasn’t right. Why was he here? I started looking for some kind of confirmation. I grabbed my phone on kitchen counter and saw a notification banner from my bf. Since when did I have a bf? Then I realised, my bf was from the real world and this was all a dream. It was my confirmation. I woke up crying.
My dad had passed away about a year ago from cancer. I had very complicated feelings about his diagnosis and death. We weren’t that close and I didn’t always have many good memories of him. But I still thought about the small happy memories we had, so it hit me harder when i woke up from this dream after realising it wasn’t real.
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I'm so sorry for ur loss ;-; Dreams are a reflection of the real world and the stressors we go thru, don't let it get to u and focus on healing urself ( sorry it sounds cheesy coming from a stranger but it's true, so I wish u the best )
Recientemente he sentido cierto vacío dentro de mi relación sentimental; sucede que me parece que hemos caído en una monotonía o poco a poco nuestro "amor" se ha ido desvaneciendo. Tenemos casi 3 años de relación, y obviamente ya no es como antes, para bien pero también para mal... No sé cómo decirle que quiero volver a empezar con lo nuestro o en el peor de los casos... volver a empezar por cada uno de nuestros caminos...
I have been sabotaging many relationships of mine, lately. simply to prove to myself that i have no ties with anyone and i can peacefully continue living in an apotheosis of the transience of life. With no commitments whatsoever. With nothing to hold onto. I genuinely despise people and crave to rot alone. The worst part is that the current me is not the me i am mostly. It tends to switch at times. I feel very disassociated . I be the funniest person around and then i hear from some people that i look scary and am the quitest mf around. Can't remember. Have no such memories of being a sasuke lol. But ik i was tha wait what am i even saying. Lol. I just checked on this website and thought to myself, what can i add?
1 Name: that one guy : 2022-02-02 01:28 ID:Xr1HvNTc [Del]
this is just gonna be a vent
idk, 2 years ago I forcefully cut ties with a (not so close) friend because I couldn't stand her completely harmless attitude and it made me feel like shit to hurt her like that that i went into a depression. but I thought I was out of it, I thought I finally managed to get out and I was finally living my life as intended until yesterday. I've hurt someone again and this time again it's not someone who's very important to me, and because I didn't know him I kind of underestimated him and thought he was just an idiot I could use. in the end I was the idiot, and I did use him, but I felt so bad because he ended up being a good person and I treated him like a disposable thing, and I feel so ashamed to even have thought of using him as a tool. I'm just so ashamed of my thought process in general, how I always try to view people I don't initially know as inferior to me so that I don't hurt my giant ego, how I try to boost myself by putting down others. i hate it so much, I don't want to be like that, especially since I'm really nothing much at all. I'm nothing and I have the audacity to think of other people as tools and that's just so fucking lame
something I came to realize because of the pandemic was how my life wasn't moving on, how nothing was actually happening. I'm just spending my days studying for a degree I'm not even passionate about, to get a job I'm not even passionate about, and then what? i do have a dream though, but I know it's impossible to get to it without a lot of luck and free time and I don't have any of both. I'm so busy with school and work and I've been so unlucky lately it's actually scary. so with this pathetic life i'm living i'm still betraying people's kindness out of a weird ass superiority complex. what am I even doing here. i fucking hate myself
2 Name: Piano : 2022-02-05 12:26 ID:d62C9T96 [Del]
Hi, I'm going through something similar and I completely understand. I am so sorry for what you are going through and I also understand that feeling of doing something ur not passionate about and still doing it. I also hate myself for what I did and it feels so lonely all the time. I think I also did what I did out of a superiority complex. I've been told I have a big ego, which I do, I acknowledge that, but I refuse to put myself down an undermine my worth... But it's really hard for me to empathize with people who I don't deem to have actual problems. Out of curiosity, what would you like to do?
Hi, my name is JP and 3 years ago, I made a thread about asking the way to die but without feeling any pain. On that thread, I called myself a coward for not facing death properly and I also explained on why I wanted to kill myself. Mainly because I've disappointed my parents.
Now some people have helped me get on with life on that thread and I'm really grateful to them. They made me double-think about my actions and now I'm here, not dead and still making mistakes.
I am facing the same issues right now as I think that I'm on the verge of killing myself. But instead, I would like to ask the people out there for words or perhaps a thing to say because quite frankly, I don't want to kill myself. But instead, I want to ask, in situations like these, how do I help myself stand up? Everything is starting to hurt a lot and I don't know anymore...
(old thread I made https://dollars-bbs.org/personal/res/1561085926.html)
My friend, I've been where you are now. The best advice that I can offer is to put it off. Just keep putting it off and things will get better. Time heals all wounds and that's all you need to do give it time.
And reach out for help to any family or friends that you may have. Having someone to talk to means all the world when you're in that situation trust me. Stay safe. Post again if you need help.
@anonymous MAN ur such a ray of sunshine aren't u? I've been seeing u on everyone's threads saying awful things, maybe stop projecting the fact Ur a miserable in Ur own life onto everyone else, this is an old post but THIS IS SOMEONES LIFE! not a joke. and I bet ur getting such a kick out of it but wait until someone actually hurts themselves.
There are times in our lives where it feels like everything is going in the completely opposite way that we want it. Like the whole world is burning down around you and all you can do is watch a it all turns to cinders. And you know something? Its ok. Its ok to just let it out. To feel like youre alone, like no one cares. Its ok.
Its ok to go insane, just come back when Youre ready.
Because when I felt like I was on the verge of breaking down, feeling like nothing else mattered and I was ready to just give up and let myself slip back into my own darkness... I saw a glimpse. A random stupid memory of friends just hanging out. Each of us with our own pasts, our own problems, and you know what? None of mattered. Cuz you were living in the moment. You were lost in the moment. Then that memory opened up others from years ago, months ago, last week and now you realise that its those small little memories that make waking up in the morning completely worth it. You can deal with work, with bills with all the other bullshit of life because its making those memories with yourself or people you love all worth it.
Life sucks, and that's ok. We didnt choose it. We play with the cards the gods give us. And you make the best of it, cuz like a good friend of mine once told me, put on smile and get out there. Even if you go out and just pretend to have a good time, you might have some on accident. And thats never a bad thing.
I've been interested in someone from school. I'm a straight male and he's an openly gay guy. I consider ourselves acquaintances and there has no intimate experience between us, yet he keeps attracting me.
Throughout my life, I've always fancied girls despite never having fallen in love with anyone. I planned on repressing what I feel about him until I had a gut feeling that I would regret not doing anything about this. What do I do?
First off, I want you to know its okay to be a little conflicted about this, but it would be a waste not to explore it if you can. Communication is obviously always key. Making sure that you're both open and comfortable with the idea. You might just be a little curious or you might be learning about a new part of yourself you weren't yet aware of. I would take it slow, just getting to know him and finding out if you guys are compatible and if things seem right then just go for it. The approach is yours but that's my take. Be Safe!
The gut is usually right, we just "unlearned" to listen to it. Just be honest with him and talk about it. If you think it's worth the shot, then communicate and find out.
