thats it, im just tired, tired of pretending, of faking but thats not even the problem, im so tired i cant feel anything anymore besides loneliness and regret and i dont even know what to do, therapy hasnt helped and i have good friends with whom i talk about this but im not improving, im not getting better besides im getting worse.So thats it, i give up, not in a suicidal way but i will just do what i've been doing for the past 8 years, just keep living without hoping a change, it will happen or it wont but im not caring anymore about anything. I wanted to post this in case anyone is in the same place and dont know what to do, it doesnt work for everyone, but you could try it while you find your solution.
Hope u all have a great day

I wont pretend to know deeply what you're experiencing, however, I will say that I am dealing with a similar realization. I want to change, to grow, but I can't. It's like every time my mind is made up my body decides it wants to humble me. I'm trying prayer and that's been helping but, what has helped me the most. Is to remove myself from my emotions. I've slowly began to take out part of my emotions, my heart, and my mind that have been limiting me. Whether that's Love which for me turns in to agreegious levels of lust, social awareness which turns to anxiety and procrastination. I choose to start removing these "features" from myself to start from scratch. It's slow work because I don't fully understand it, and I hate that. I hate moving slow, I wish I could just change for my better. The self loathing and hatred has turning me reclusive. Most people I knew, even close friends acknowledge that I've become emotionless. Almost heartless in my actions now. So, I get it to a degree however, I would say don't stop trying, make fun of it. Act a little sadistic if you need to in regards to it. Make it like some challenge in a show, book, or movie. But, stopping is the worst thing you can do. It gives you too much time to think, and time, wears away even at depresssion. It can either be good, or bad. Take it from someone who was so done with their own inability that they attempted to remove themselves from the equation all together. It's not worth stopping. Even if progress seems slow. Stopping could geniunly kill you. Just food for thought, you got this.

like i said i already get rid of them, i just fake to keep people around me cause its weird for them. I was giving hope for all the people that hasnt found a solution other than killing themselves, like u said just keep going even if its not worth it, no one wants to see their familiars/lovers/friends asking what they did wrong

Minamoto

>>4 *Trying my best not to think of Kou or Teru*

yeah it's pretty tough not to lose hope for a better future, when everyone else just want to keep pretending the world's a fair place. and these fakes are always those living on Easy Street, just the worst, most selfish things alive.

maybe you need a new lifestyle or environment. change is a strong healer. as long as you keep living i believe you’ll find love for yourself and those around you eventually. sometimes all you need is more time to realize how much you might be taking for granted. regret is a reminder for who you want yourself to be, hold on to it and make it positive. you are seen and loved

I'm not gonna pretend like I know what you're going through, but all I will say is this. Don't do anything you know you'll regret.

My fear is to not control myself anymore, i have some bad ideas and i can keep me under control but sometimes i think "what for" and its getting worse, the thoughts and the recurrence of them, im going to raise the White flag. I give Up upon anything i dont care, thanks all

Not meaning to suicide dont worry yall. Im just going to stop caring