I am passing this around to let users know where they are from.

Deleted this in another thread and posting it here instead
I feel like a poser. I've been in a weird spot in life for the last 4, almost 5 months? I feel like I lack an identity or any sort of purpose. I have no means to express myself, people around me or way to pursue my goals. But I keep moving anyway, I keep finding things with meaning to me and I keep reminding myself of what I want to become. Because my purpose is to make it out of here. To move somewhere where I can express myself and have a shell to contain these, idk, shapeless goals and aspirations I have? I don't see a reason to exist, but there's a girl who loves me and wants us to live together. She's my hope and reminds me of my humanity. We live across the country and her life is so much better than mine, she's so much prettier than me and yet she still wants me there. Not just to rescue me, but because somehow a person like me can still bring value to her life. I can't ever stop looking up to her. But I want to be worth looking up to, too. I just need to keep praying and hoping that someday things will change and I can leave this mess I'm stuck in. Someday. As long as she's there on the other side of the screen, someday. Idk.

As the title says I'm going to be bothering you lot about my life :) I'm a girl who's from a very well known family around my place. We are viewed as perfect and elegant. They all think it's nice and they believe that I'm lucky to be a part of this family, but little do they know what happens inside the house. Having a three story house is nice, but very lonely. Unfortunately it also echoes. For 15 years I have heard my parents fight over everything. They fight over food, clothes, work, money, school, responsibilities and what the community views us. I'm the eldest out of 3 children. Ever since I turned 3 and a half, I was taught how to be graceful, act ladylike and keep my mouth shut. I was sent to a very pricey school as well, I was the most respected student in my year group, due to my money and standing in society. It was nice and I felt superior for a while. But I was only deluding myself, when you have power you unconsciously form a lot of enemies. I was never bullied though. School was tolerable, but at home... In my 9 years of school life, I never experienced what it felt like to be greeted or to be said welcome home by my father. My life basically consisted of fights inside the house, strong facade at school, mature and gentle towards sisters and a stoic facade outside the house when we are talking to important people. My mother is the sweetest and most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. She's so pure and angelic but can be quite bipolar but hey all girls are bipolar :) sometimes I wonder how my mother ended up with a cold, strict and business minded man like my father. He did his role as a father well like, earning money (he earns too much money) leading an protectig the family but his mindset is always to have the male dominant and the women silent and obedient. Why am I writing about this? It's because for 15 years of my life I have finally spoken up. The girl who has her hair fancy and wore fancy dresses and nice high heeled shoes spoke up. The daughter who was told to hold her tongue and keep her thoughts to herself finally spoke up. I was scared. I couldn't breathe when I said it wasn't me who messed up his work table. You could guess what happens next since it was pretty obvious. I love my mother and sisters. Despite having a father like him, I still hold him in high regard surprisingly.