Hola, recién me vi envuelta en una situación un tanto... complicada. Soy una persona que cree plenamente que una relación (no necesariamente romántica) funciona en base al respeto y sobre todo confianza. Así como la otra persona confía en mi, yo debo de confiar en ella, si, entendiendo que algunas cosas es preferible no contarlas en X momento, pero tarde o temprano uno lo tendrá que decir, es en esos momentos donde realmente confiamos en la otra persona pero... ¿Qué sucede cuando aun así, la otra persona miente? ¿Te llevarías una decepción? ¿Es doloroso? ¿Te sentirías traicionado? Yo sentí todo eso y tal vez un poco mas cuando me vi envuelta en toda esta situación. Mi respeto, confianza, cariño y demás cosas, se convirtieron en ira... en odio hacia aquella persona.
Pero aun así, tengo una sonrisa en mi rostro y le digo "Todo estará bien" cuando realmente nada esta bien. Quisiera solo desaparecer y no volverlo a ver, olvidarme de esta persona y dejar todo atrás, pero no es fácil olvidar a alguien con quien pasaste buenos momentos, con quien compartiste tanto y a su vez nada... Todo era una fachada para acercarte a ti.
Fui una tonta al caer dos veces en el mismo truco, el no saber que es real y que realmente es verdad, cuando tu eras el más verdadero de ambos. Aun me duele pensar en esto, fue una puñalada directa al corazón. Cuando todo esto sucedió yo solo tenia una sonrisa falsa en mi rostro y repitiendo las mismas palabras "Todo estará bien" "Seguiremos con esto" "No te puedo odiar" Pero nada podía seguir igual... No se que hacer, esa persona llego a ser alguien importante para mi, no mentía cuando me preocupaba por el, no mentía cuando reíamos, no mentí en ningún aspecto... Pero el, decidió traicionarme... no tengo el suficiente coraje para decirle en la cara todo lo que he escrito aquí, lo único que puedo hacer es ahogarme en mi propio sufrimiento.

yo realmente, quiero morir...

Si aún estás por aquí, me gustaría saber más sobre lo que pasó. No te conozco personalmente, pero eso no significa que debas desaparecer. Espero que puedas recibir este mensaje pronto.

I don't understand why, but I feel so guilty whenever l open up about myself or my mental health. It's like I'm a negative person and some other stuffs. It makes me feel so pathetic.

I hope nobody in your life is making you feel that way, but I get how it feels from within.

you're not a negative person. you're not pathetic. everyone struggles - not to minimize your feelings, but just to say, everyone has negative moments. its part of life. its totally fine to be in the dumps sometimes, esp if you're dealing with mental health issues.

maybe see if there's anyone in your life you can help a little. anyone you can make smile. anything you can do to brighten another's day. even a pet or a plant counts. make note of those things, each little one. write them down in a notebook, even, give yourself a physical record to look back on - and pat yourself on the back for them, cuz you deserve it. let them stack up, and congrats, you are, objectively, a positive influence on the world ! maybe that could combat the guilt, then. 'I've helped others a lot, I can give myself a break and be helped instead sometimes'

cuz it feels good to help other people. & /letting/ people help you back, even if it's only a tiny amount, lets them feel good about themselves, too. People connect through ALL emotions, not just happiness, yknow?

& always thank people for trying, even if they couldn't help you a whole lot. it's good to take a moment to acknowledge the effort. acknowledge that you're loved. even while sad. you'll prob feel a little better just for that, and the other person will too

hey @1dolr thanks for this. some stuff you have mention so ive been doing that ever since 2019 when i met my bestfriend who i think of it as a family.

During my Highschool and Senior Highschool Days wayback ive always been used, fake friends even i want to hang out it, betrayed since then ive developed PTSD even finishing highschool when i enter Senior Highschool i was very independent on my own yet i still drop even 4 subjects left no issues on grades, im happy yet i felt something missing and i even questioned that day why did i dropout then developed depression with PTSD triggering.

Thats when 2019 comes in what i have mentioned etc. I really did my best and everything outcomes too yet during this year 2026 college im only 2 subjects left yet i cannot fufill its transfer school or continue due for issues the Dean and Chairprogram questioned hints me that its impossible now to finish.

The issues i have mentioned it started on December because of burnout from research yet this 3 members i have in groups are scared for the leader or stand up i couldnt even brin it to dean due it might backfired and it did happen ko January just WOW. Going back in burnout in December my bestfriend and i were playing yet gets mad on me even hurtful messages i just get down and shutdown thinking what i have done i just want to enjoy our momemts. Now in January i mentioned this problem yet the conversation gets thru chaotic even hurtful messages and bringing up past even the person is changed. I havent gone to school in the start of January till today now. I even used SWEAR for last chance because im going to set it right now this kind of situation and all. Because we shared the dream plans and goals as well.

That was my home. My family, my dogs, my house, my sister. That was the one time in my life I had stability. It was cruel for you to treat me like that. After everything we did, everything your parents did for me, after you and them tried so hard to get me back to a stable proper life. You've become a horrible person, and your cruelty took away so much. I still can't see you the way you see me. I still see you as family in a way. That never got addressed. I never got the closure. I was only made to feel insecure about myself for whatever reason, and to feel like I lost my home because of "childishness." Fuck you :< I've been realizing that you never cared about me even when you said you did. But somehow, even after we stopped being close, you decided you could pet me because you want to, text me when you were h*rny for whatever reason, talk about your body in weird ways, get close to me randomly. Act unpredictably because you know I'll put up with whatever defense you make. It's so cruel. You're a horrible and disgusting person. I feel so taken advantage of. I wish I wasn't always so scared of you because I don't think you meant to hurt me. You're just immature.

I wish I could've said goodbye.

Every now and then I realize that some of the things my mom say are just straight up lies. Like if she doesn't know an answer to a question, she'll just make it up. Or she'll see something on Facebook and call that a reliable source. Its annoying.

Older generations really started out with "You can't believe stuff you read online, anyone could have made that up!" Only to turn around and swallow whatever charismatic influencer or ai has to say (but somehow still resort back to "the internet isn't trustworthy" When it comes to peer reviewed journals)

what do i do...
i'm crushing on my friend who happens to be like, the center of our friend group, she's the main character, she's so charismatic, everyone is drawn to her and loves her, and i want to confess.
but here is the thing, she has many mini crushes going on at once at all times, and i am one of those mini crushes to her (heard it from her herself and from my friend who is closer to her and has insider info), but right now she's trying to move on from an unrequited BIG crush on one of our mutual friend. i wasn't supposed to know that she even had a big crush on this guy because this was insider info, and before i knew about it, i felt pretty good about maybe confessing to her because it felt okay and safe. but now that i know, i'm starting to notice how much she's very much not over him and how much she tries to get his attention and everything, and it's fucking me up in the head so much because it really feels like there's no place for me here.
i talked about it to my friend with the insider info and she told me that i really shouldn't worry about it, that nothing's going to happen between them because she Has given up (but witnessing everything i've witnessed i think she's still down bad), and that i just need to show signs of attraction to her for her to maybe start being more interested in me, and that i should still try confessing because we're so compatible that it'd be a shame to miss out on a great relationship due to my doubts.
but here is the thing, i've just been growing more and more uncertain and insecure, and i don't feel like she needs that kind of weight at the moment and i don't want to be a burden to her. so i don't know if confessing just 'cause is a good idea anymore because i'm carrying all of this baggage and she's still stuck up on that guy who doesn't love her back and i don't think i have it in me to compete with her obsession? like i love her so much and i really want the best for her, but i feel like i'd be imposing my unflattering self to her by asking her out. and i know it's up to her to make the decision in the end but i still don't want to show a pathetic side of myself and run the risk of making a really nice friendship turn awkward.

Pal... If you really love her then be a good friend to her. You know, being devoted and resilient means you can patiently support your friend, never rush. Like Masaomi supported Anri, even though he loved her. He respected her own choice but was acting as he felt like, never pushing, never rushing or forcing. And he understood his own feelings towards Saki. And Anri understood her feelings towards Mikado.

I think the right way is to be patient and supportive. Your dear friend is in the tornado of feelings, unable to stop. So be the harbor for her. Let her live through her storm, accept her opinion, listen to her rants and confession and just be a good pal. So when the time pass she might understand who is really important to her - that 'big' crush or this patient friend, who allow her to be as she are, with trust and support.

And I'm more than sure that rushing will destroy the friendship, exactly because it's so tangled and unstable now. Provide the stability first. Be calm, be strong, show her the acceptance and respect. And never expect anything in return. Because if you will - it will turn into business and manipulation, not the real love. And girls feel it with gut - you can be sure.

If your love is true you will understand. If you want her body only - then you might rush and ruin. Love isn't something fragile, that someone can ruin it from outside. So just let her know your feelings with your patient care.

(OP here)
so i actually confessed lol and it went really well and i'm not in psychosis anymore.
we're not going out, we're trying to see what can work for us and we communicate, and it might not end up in a romantic relationship but i'm really happy to have been able to open up and to be able to talk to her honestly!
if this can serve as a lesson for anyone out there lol

I really hate going home for the holidays. As a consequence, I also dont like the holiday season in general. I dont like it because I have to be around ny family, of which the worst of them is definitely my mother. She is the most severe and intense person I think to have ever walked the Earth. She switches from being the doting, sweet, loving, patient, forgiving parent to a harsh, unforgiving, angry, cynical, abrupt woman all in a split second. It is always so jarring when she switches. I know she probably has a disorder of some sort but she refuses to see a psychologist so we all pretty much have to live it it. Especially me, her only daughter, and I feel a bit that she targets me specifically. She somehow manages to hold me accountable for anything that has gone wrong (including anything that is wrong with my brothers), while simultaneously treating me like a stupid child that is completely incapable of understanding the world. I think that the worst part is the screaming. She yells at all of us, and she yells and yells and yells until her voice is soar and it comes out as a rasp. When she cant be loud with her voice, thats when she starts to slam things, with the sole purpose of striking fear into whoever she's talking to. I cant really complain, it used to be so much worse, especially for me. In that regard its gotten better, and hopefully ill just be home for two weeks before I go back. She did kick me a few months ago, pretty much on a whim, she gave no reason just started yelling "get the fuck out, get the fuck out of my house, I am livid, I am livid". She then brought me back in but its really scary bc when we asked her about it later she just said that she put me in "time out". She's in one of those awful moods right now, and im scared she will do that again or she will check my phone. There is nothing bad on my phone except for my messages with my friends, which aren't bad either, she just hates when I talk more with my friends than my family. I hate it. I hate being watched and I hate her watching me. I want to leave so bad, get gone properly, but i cant. Not right now, and I hope that when I do, despite all of this, god willing, I can leave on good terms, and there will be no bad blood. I hate going back to my family for the holidays becuase its never what it should be. I hope for you however, my dear reader, that the holidays are full of joy and genuine laughter for you. If you have a loved one or friend you are grateful for, who loved you wholly; give them a big hug and tell them. I love my family, regardless, and I wish I could do that, to hug them and tell them how they have helped me and how good they make me feel, because I would be lying, and God hates liars. So I will just simply tell them I love them, and I want them to be well, and that I am grateful they let me be in their life. I hope you will have a wonderful holiday season, God bless you all <3