Well, I know this is going to sound trivial compared to what other people are struggling with...But it`s been on my mind for over a year now.

Yeah...I like a guy. Really, really, really like him, and have for a while now.

The problem is that he`s so unpredictable. Sometimes he`s playful, smelling my scented lipbalm or making bets with me on which of his friends will get an after school first. Other times he`s nasty, vile, racist and manipulative, bullying his so called friend. And other times he will be blatantly flirting with me, shouting over a hall for my number, proposing to me several times (with my own ring... but I suppose it`s the thought that counts) and saying that I look nice without my glasses.

I`m not a blind teenager, madly in love with a guy that in her eyes can do no wrong.

I know he`s a bully, I know he`s racist, I know he`s homophobic. And I hate that, so , so much. Bullying is awful, and my cousin and several of my friends have skin tones that aren`t white, and my best friends are bisexual. Every time I overhear him make a comment like that, it makes me hate him that little bit more.

But every time he smiles, laughs, compliments me or makes a funny joke to the class (yes, he`s the class clown) it makes me love him ten times more.

IT`S SO RIDICULOUS, I KNOW! I never thought I`d become one of those "But I can`t help loving him!" girls, but welp, here I am.

A few of his friends have hinted that he likes me, for example:
Me: "Oh yeah, he asked me to add him on Snapchat when he got his new phone a few weeks ago, for a joke."
His Friend: "Ha, he wouldn`t do that for a joke..."

But like I said, he`s so unpredictable! Like Izaya, almost. You can never tell what his morals are.
"It`s like his motives and beliefs change every five seconds. He makes me sick." -Masaomi Kida, Manga Vol 1.

Although he doesn`t make me sick, per say... closer to butterflies.

Oh god, that was so unbelievably cringey.


But yeah... I`m not that dense, I know he`s been flirting, and his friends have been dropping hints. But knowing him, it could all just be for entertainment... The class clown trying to get the nearly mute, cold and blunt girl to date him. Sounds like a plot for a book, doesn`t it? Lol.

Tbh you might just love the attention he gives you more than you love or even like him. The fact that you compared him ot Izaya makes it even more horrific, lmao.

I'm not sure if you're looking for advice or just venting, though. I guess just remember those friends and cousins of yours? I can't speak for everyone, but I'm a queer POC and I'd be way uncomfortable if one of my close friends started dating someone like you described.

Are his racist, homophobic, bullying tendencies because of him being an edgy shithead though? I'm curious whether he thinks he's being funny or if he has some real resentmet built up.

To Anonymous:

Thanks for the reply!

I think I do like him genuinely, although you do bring up a valid point that I`d never thought about before. I hated him for the first year, and then began to like him as I saw his nicer side towards others. It was a few months after that that he started to talk to me. Plus, any other `popular` guy (or girl) tries to talk to me, I nope the hell out of there as soon as I can. With the exception of him and two of his decent friends, I don`t like attention from anyone I don`t consider part of my friend group. (The other two are alright because they`re pretty funny and aren`t homophobic or racist)

Haha yeah, probably not a good sign if he reminds me of Izaya XD. But that`s just who he reminds me of- charming, manipulative, well informed, mischievous, smart and a little shit.

I guess I`m looking for advice, although I`m not exactly sure what I`m expecting, as there`s no way I`m going to confess to him. Maybe opinions on him, more so.

You`re right...I never considered how any of my friends that he might have offended with his awful comments might feel...

I don`t really think he`s trying to be edgy- I think he`s more of a class clown that just doesn`t know when he`s gone way too far. Bu it doesn`t help that his friends just boost his ego, either...But no, I don`t think he harbours any true, malicious intent towards people of colour or the LGBTQ community. He doesn`t seem like a truly sinister person (unlike Izaya), but more like your typical teenager trying to be funny and fit in.

Do you have any opinions after the additional information I just told you? Anything you have to say will be taken into consideration gratefully :D

Ah, got it. Your feelings seem genuine so that makes the situation even more complicated lol. (I'm glad that my implication there didn't offend you - reading it over now, that and the last part of my response sounded kind of blunt/harsh, really sorry about that.)

He seems like an interesting person imo, and I can see why you're attracted to his better qualities. If things work out well then it sounds like you'd be a cute couple too.

If he's just saying offensive things without any true bigotry behind them, then it's not too big a deal? If I were you, I would just tell him that you don't feel comfortable with some of the jokes he makes (preferably say it right after he cracks one that you found to be in poor taste). Since he really likes you, he's more likely to hear you out and listen to why you think he crosses the line sometimes. Maybe during that conversation you could even ask whether they really *are* just jokes to him. I've had that conversation with friends before– solid ones keep things a conversation, not an argument/debate.

Just be careful not to come in too aggressive about it, that'd make most people get defensive and stubborn. If he's a good guy who likes you as much as you hope, then he'd hear your side of the story and try not to cross your boundaries in the future.

Protip, phrasing things like "I really don't think you have any ill will behind them, but those jokes are putting you in a bad light for me" or "it just makes me uncomfortable because of xyz, I'd prefer not to hear that sort of stuff, especially from you" probably keeps people a lot more receptive than saying "you're being offensive, this is racist/homophobic/harassment becuase of xyz." I know it's corny, but this sort of thing doesn't get resolved by beating around the bush lmao.

Regardless of what you choose to do, know that if you grow closer without ever telling him what you think of that side of him, you'll probably just become another one of the people who boost his ego. And needless to say, feeding into those sorts of jokes could make your friends/cousins think you aren't willing to stand up for them (or that you just don't care to).

Good luck though, I'd love to hear updates as things move along.

Hello! I’ll keep you updated for sure- in school right now so can’t say much!

Hello! It`s been a little while.

The other day my good friend accused me and him of flirting, and although I wouldn`t call it that, we weren`t at each others throats like usual.

He just laughed and said jokingly, "Oi Shade, you wanna go out with me?"

I said:"For the sixth time, (Name), I will neither date you nor marry you on such an insincere basis." (YES I know I sound stuck up as fuck, but I just read a lot as a kid so I`m pretty eloquent for my age and can`t help myself sometimes)

And yes... It sounds seriously stupid that I`ve turned down y crush SIX goddamn times, but I just can`t see any sincerity in any of them. Also, I panic. A lot. It`s mostly that, to be honest.

(Oh, and regarding the "marry" part, he`s asked me to marry him up to four times...)

Do you think I should accept, next time he asks? Because knowing him, it`ll only be another week or two before he asks again.

Hi again– I know my ID has been different on my past respones, not really sure why since I've been using the same computer. I don't usually keep a username nowadays but so that you can know I'm the same person, I'll start using the tripcode above.

Whether or not you should say yes really depends on whether or not you've settled the things I mentioned in my previous responses. If you haven't worked that out with him (and if you don't plan to), then you really need to work it out with yourself. Which do you value more, your feelings for him or your morals? And that's such a dramatic way to phrase it, but if you start dating him, then you're going to have to pull some golden wool over your eyes so you can ignore all the jokes & bullying that you're normally so disgusted with. Would you be happier dating him and ignoring his bad jokes, or not dating him and knowing that you can put your money where you mouth is?

Once you have an answer to that question, you'll probably know what to do. I won't say that you shouldn't date him, because it's really your choice, just that you should you should think about it carefully. If you *know* that you aren't comfortable with a certain side of him but get close with him anyway, it might end up hurting you as time goes on. Unless, again, you can manage to completely turn a blind eye to it.

Wanting him to be serious when he asks you out is probably a good thing. I don't think it's stupid of you to keep turning him down– if you were to start dating then he should be able to show sincerity to you now and then. That's clearly something important to you, and you've already told him that you might say yes if he just asks you seriously. The ball's in his court lmao. It's really up to you what you decide to do if/when he decides to make a move.

I totally get the panicking thing, btw. The first time I was asked out, it was over text, and even then I was freaking out. Just be patient with yourself and ease through it, though. A little awkawrdness isn't going to kill you lol. He'd be way happier if you slowed down, thought about it, and awkwardly said yes than if you abruptly said no in a panicky defense mechanism.

Just... probably don't say yes to a marriage proposal while you're in high school unless it's purely for jokes. lmao. Maybe if you do decide to say yes, have it be a "let's just try a date first" sort of reply. (Also, correct me if I'm wrong about the high school thing.)

Good luck xx

Haha, I can kinda tell that it`s you because of your writing style! It`s a bit similar to mine, actually.

He`s actually been a lot better recently, without me speaking to him (Is he reading this or something...? Yikes.) and now he just usually takes the piss out of people, which is something everyone does daily. at y school, we show affection by insulting each other- even the teachers, to an appropriate extent.

Anyway, back to the subject on hand. Personally, I think it would be more effective to start dating him first, so I can speak to him from a more important/closer position in his life. I think he would be more likely to listen to his girlfriend than a girl he`s just been flirting with for a while.

So I think I`m going to do both- because I want to be with him, but the nicer version of him. There`s no way I`m putting up with any racist or homophobic bullshit- I don`t care if you`re my crush, my best friend, Boris Johnson or the freaking Queen, if you say anything along those lines- well, you just don`t say that. (I was going to say something mildly violent but I`m not into smacking elderly women, especially the longest reigning monarch. Sheesh, I swear every time someone says "God save the Queen", she gets another year added onto her lifespan.)

As for the risk of getting hurt, it`s part of the experience, in my opinion. Relationships and crushes have their ups and downs, and like a rollercoaster, I enjoy all of them. It just kinda sucks when the ride/relationship comes to an end. But that`s okay, there are loads of other rides to go on, eventually you`ll get over the motionsickess/heartbreak and move onto another ride/relationship. That`s how I see it, anyway.

Ah, thank you. I was afraid you would just say "Just say yes." and problem solved. Honestly, sincerity is the biggest must-have for me- I wouldn`t really say I`ve got anxiety, or not severe anxiety, anyway, but I`m always paranoid that I` being made fun of and that everyone`s playing a joke on me. Again, stupid, I know. Just a habit, I guess. But yeah, being genuine is the one thing I really need to kickstart this and give me enough courage to actually make those attitude changes I mentioned earlier.

Seriously, you`re the best at listening and giving advice haha. I don`t know what I`d do without your advice. <3

Yeah, haha, I actually lost a bet and ended up agreeing to it for a laugh. he brings it up occasionally but thankfully he wasn`t serious lol. (Now that`s one thing I`d prefer to be insincere) Oh, and in case you were wondering, the bet was if he could roll his r`s then I`d 'marry' him. I thought I remembered him saying that he couldn`t... I stood corrected, that day, lmao.

PS: I`m British, if you couldn`t tell by the Boris Johnson and Queen Elizabeth II references a few paragraphs up, so we don`t have high school- I think secondary school is the equivalent. But yeah, I just turned 14 recently, so no marriage proposals for me just yet XD

PPS: HE GOT A HAIRCUT OVER THE WEEKEND AND HE LOOKS??? SO??? GOOD??? WHAT THE HECK??? LIKE I THOUGHT ID ALWAYS PREFER HI WITH LONG-ISH UNRULY HAIR BUT YET AGAIN I STAND CORRECTED ASDFGHJKL

okay I`m done now, lol.



Thank you xx

BTW, if ever you need to rant or would like some questionable quality aadvice, I`m always here. It`s the least I can do <3

I figured lol, but I still wanted to clarify just in case. Glad my writing tone is distinctive enough though haha.

That's a good point, that he'd probably be more receptive to the conversation coming from his girlfriend instead of just his crush. I think I gave you pretty black and white advice (guess that's just how my mind works sometimes) so I'm glad you were able to come to a decision somewhere in-between that you're more comfortable with!

That's a good outlook to have about relationships too. I was saying that part more out of concern that you'd wind up feeling like you couldn't say something about it, out of fear or ruining things or something along those lines. (Always sucks being pigeon holed like that.) But you seem a lot more determined than that, so I was most likely worried for nothing lol.

Aw, I can really relate to that bit about the paranoia. I've always been the same way. I'll acknowledge that a lot of the time it's a somewhat irrational fear (or at least one that's blown out of proportion), but I wouldn't call you stupid for feeling that way, either. It's probably pretty common. Especially since you're known for being the quiet, cold person– everyone seems to like getting a rise out of us, lol.

I'm glad you found my advice helpful! I wasn't sure if I was being too preachy. I think that you did most of the legwork though, I just offered a second perspective.

Either way, I'm very happy things are progressing well for you. This whole thing sounds adorable tbh, I'm wishing you two the best xx Feel free to update even if it's not seeking advice.

Also when he gets a haircut and you still think he still looks good, then that's a huge green flag lmao.

My life's pretty uneventful, so no major rants except ones about my courseload. But that's pretty boring, and there's no solution except "well just do it then," lol. Thank you for the offer though, we'll see if things change any time soon haha.

Haha, there`s no chance of me being pigeon-holed or anything of the sort, I may be pretty placid most of the time, but I refuse to be cornered. A little bit like a wild animal, I guess- they`ll attack if you try to trap them. Whether metaphorically or literally, I`m not quite sure, lol.

Nono, your perspective has really helped. Sometimes if you`re too entangled within the situation, it`s hard to step back and look at it as a whole.

Of course I`ll keep you updated xx And I`m always here for you, it`s the least I can do xx

Hey~

Update:
Another marriage proposal, lol. Also asked for my social media, but I didn`t get a chance to tell him. He got Instagram a few days ago- I followed him but he hasn`t followed me back. I`m not sure whether he knows its me- my face isn't in the profile picture and my name isn't in the @.

I`m considering shooting him a text, or waiting until after Christmas break to bring the topic up again.

What do you think?

The best way to get out of this confusing scenario is to go and ask him what is his intentions on you.

"Hey, do you like me?"
-If he answered yes, then happily ever after for both of you.
-If he answered no, then go on in your life and move on. You don't need someone on your life to confuse your feelings. Making someone confused with their emotions is one of the most terrible feelings a human can get. Get him out of your life.

Go somewhere private and have a conversation.

As simple as that.

Hi again, Shade– I think it's fine to text him just so he knows it's not a random person trying to follow him. Might break the ice and make it easier to chat with him over winter break if you feel like doing that, too.

And I know it's not really what you were asking advice for lol, but >>12 brings up a good point. You started this thread over a month ago, so if he's still just sort of teasing then you might as well try to speed things along yourself. Maybe the ambiguity of it all is kind of fun or safe or however you feel about it right now, but dancing around each other without either of you being straight-forward about your feelings could just be pronlonging things unecessarily. I know you said there's no way you'd confess to him, but Mister's phrasing seems like an easier way of approaching him about it. Maybe after Christmas break so it can be face to face? It's your choice, of course, but it's something to consider.

Enjoy the holidays btw, hope you're doing well.

Hi~ I`m not dead lol.

How was your Christmas break? Mine was good. And I hope your 2020 is going well so far, too.

(In advance I want to apologise for my awful grammar, punctuation etc- it`s 1:30am right now and it`s been a long, long week XD)

I understand what you`re saying- and I`d really like to be able to go up to him and just ask where we stand, but I`m way too much of a pussy, and he`s way too unpredictable for me to take that chance to be honest. Plus, his friends are always glued to him because he`s like the `leader of the pack`.

And I know it`s really frustrating hearing the same excuses over and over again, "Yeah, but..."

I like to think that I`m usually a pretty blunt and logical person. I ask people straight up stuff like: "Do you dislike me?" "Are you angry at me?" etc without a second thought usually, but with this guy all of my normal behaviour just gets thrown out the window.

But, there`s been good news and bad news.

Good news: I told him he was gorgeous to his face.

Bad news: It`s kinda awkward now. FML.

I don`t know what else I can do to drop hints without literally saying: "Hey, I really, really, really like you. Romantically, in case you still don`t understand."

I`ve told him I find him insanely attractive, I`m the only female (that I know of) to hold a decent, friendly conversation with him and not want to knock his lights out, and there`s no way he hasn`t seen me staring at him. We LITERALLY made eye contact four times. Plus my friend recently started dating his friend, and they`re shipping us together. Loudly, might I add.

I swear this boy is so dense sometimes. It`s kinda cute, but it mostly makes me want to S C R E A M.


Unfortunately I don`t think I`m going to be able to move on any time soon. Even if he starts dating another person, I`ll just try and be happy for him and be content with small interactions.

So, yeah. I`m a hopeless, blind (both literally and metaphorically- I can`t see shit without glasses or contacts) and head-over-heels teenager. Yay. Just what I always wanted.

Sorry for the late reply, and I hope you don`t mind that I kinda mixed both yours (Anonymous) and Mister`s responses into one post.

----

(PS: On Wednesday I was in the lunch line a few feet behind him. His friend was next to me and my friend so he was looking at him. He laughed at something the friend said and ohmygodithinkinearlymelted. My friend literally had to hit me to get me to stop staring. (She`s the one going out with one of his friends- she`s one of the only two IRL friends that know) BUT WHATTHEHELL HOW CAN SOMEONE JUST BE SO INSANELY GORGEOUS, CUTE, SEXY AND JUST DOWNRIGHT STUNNING ALL AT ONCE) Also, my heart goes SDFGGJJN whenever he sneezes, coughs, clears his throat or clicks his tongue now so yeah, that happens now.

Hey, no worries. I've been pretty absent on this site myself lately since I've started school again. I totally don't mind that you combined the response either, I'm not entitled to your time or anything lmao.

My winter break was pretty uneventful, pretty much just work and sleep and repeat, but I'm glad yours was good! And so far I'm thinking 2020 is going a little better than 2019 started off, hopefully it's the same for you too (knock on wood).

I wouldn't say you're hopeless in this situation. The two of you clearly like each other, so there's still a chance something could happen. It's just a matter of if/when all this tension you've described boils over lol. Which I don't think is very unlikely if I'm being honest, but Idk. I have a tendency to be optimistic in assuming how people will behave, so who knows?

You guys have plenty of time ahead of you, but just keep in mind– you don't want it to become one of those things where you both end up passing each other by because neither one reached out. Or just fizzling out. I've had that happen with friendships and it's always a weird, gloomy feeling thinking about the missed opportunities.

And if it's any comfort, from the sound of it he's probably just as nervous and awkward about it as you are, if not more. Since as you said, you've been giving him all the right signs and haven't been very subtle about it.

I'm wishing you the best regardless of what ends up happening, though.

Also I'm probably getting repetitive and preachy with my responses, but that's mostly just cause I don't know how to respond to things like what you wrote in your PS. Young love is cute and all, sure, but I always interpreted that response as kinda condescending. Whenever I liked something I would always feel awkward and annoyed when people would be all "awww look at Anon :D" I'm not trying to make you feel weird/guilty by pointing this out, just didn't want you to feel like I was ignoring your happy rants, because reading that you like him so much makes me all happy & excited for you too.

Also would like to mention that it's very big of you to say you'd just be happy for him if he ended up with someone else, not everyone your age is mature enough to think that way.

Hope life treats you well this year btw. Good luck with classes and all that as well :)

Aw, fack- I completely forgot about this website!

Ah, in terms of the guy... It`s not really going anywhere still. We don`t really talk that much anymore, unfortunately... I miss him, especially now during quarantine, but he added me first on Insta, even after things turned awkward… I think that means all hope is not lost XD

On the bright side, I`ve become better friends with his friend and my friends boyfriend! He`s a cool guy, and it`s nice to have guy friends... I don't know why, but it`s near impossible to find friends that don`t get butthurt over stuff like birthday punches. Yeah, that didn`t go so well with the girls, lol.

Ah, anyway! I` still holding out hope, both for us to get back in touch and that I don`t have a heart attack when I see him again.

I`m glad your year started well! It seems everyone`s 2020 sucks ass now XD. Hope you`re aight at the moment! <3

Ah, I see what you mean! Yeah, I can see where you`re coming from-it could definitely be interpreted as condescending sometimes. Thankfully no one`s used that term yet lol!

I`m a glass half empty person, overall, so I tend to prepare myself for the worst/probable outcome... It`s kinda depressing when you start on a scenario, but it does make success that much sweeter, and defeat a lot less devastating XD

Again, so sorry for the 3 month gap between messages :`)

Hey! I doubt you`ll see this at this point, two years on, but here`s an update:

I still like him. A lot. I haven`t seen him much due to covid, but for the few months we were in school at the end of 2020, i sat next to him in history. I got to see more of sweet side, when his friends weren`t listening. He knows by now that I don`t like to talk, so he spares me the agony and reads the longer paragraphs instead of me,and sometimes he stops to check he`s pronounced something correctly, which I find adorable.
Right before lockdown 2.0 I started to notice how both of us sat slightly more so on one side of our chairs, so that we were closer together. I think we`ve sat for entire lessons with our elbows or legs touching, and when he turns to talk to his friend neither of us bothers to rearrange ourselves anymore and instead just carry on with his knee pressed against the side of my thigh, for example. (Well, I say carry on working... working on trying to breathe normally, more like)

It`s a shame that we only started to become more comfortable with each other right before covid hit again, but hopefully the seating plan won`t have changed by the time we get back.

Sometimes i catch him staring, too. I think- I`m too awkward to stare back at him. But there`s one lesson in particular that I enjoy the most- Philosophy. There`s only 17 of us, as opposed to the regular 30. I`m friends with everyone, save two people- one who I went to priary school with, anyway, and one single girl that I don`t know at all. The teacher`s really chill, and I`m a lot louder in that class than any other. I`m next to my oldest friend, so we mesh really well and laugh a lot. Sometimes when I`m smiling or laughing I think I catch him looking at me, but I`m not 100%.

He himself has really matured, too. Well... I say matured, he still laughs at sex jokes or dumb names, but then so do I, just a lot more quietly. What i meant was that he no longer makes offensive jokes, nor have I heard him make any sort of homophobic or racist comment in well over a year, now.

Guess I`m the CEO of wasted positivity, because I`m still not giving up. Unlike a lot of his friends, he hasn`t dated anyone, so I still have hope. I wouldn`t try and get in the way of his relationship- I have some dignity.

Dunno if you`ll ever see this, but in case you do, hope you`re safe, healthy and happy during these times, and for the rest of your life, really.

Much love! <3

Oh! Forgot to add, one of his friends- the one I`m probably closest with out of all of them if I`m honest, though that`s not saying much- ships us. He often teases me about him, which is all fun and games until he walks in the room and the friend tries to say something to him.

But yeah. He`s sent me his number etc, messaged me like: "It`s his birthday today, aren`tcha gonna wish your boyfriend a happy birthday?" If only lmao.