sO, my boyfriend and i have been dating for a year and a few months and a few months ago, i met this guy (lets call him j) in my weight lifting class as he had gym when i had that class. he talked to me bc he asked me a question once like a few weeks before and then we kind of hit it off. he started to give me hugs after the day we officially talked. i told my boyfriend abt it and he told me to tell j to fuck off and im a "nice person" ig bc i don't have the heart to tell anyone to fuck off, but anyways, it was the last week of school and i had hope didnt have to deal with j over the summer so my boyfriend wouldn't get mad at me for not cutting ties with j. it was all good, j and i hadnt talked until a few days before school started again. then it came to the first day of school, j saw me in the hallways and gave me a hug and i told my friends that and my boyfriend found out and told me to tell j that he didnt want him to hug me anymore and so i did bc i didnt want to hurt our relationship. j responded with saying that he understands and all that but now that i told him that, i feel like he started to avoid me. of course, im not in love with him or anything bc as cheesy as it sounds, i can't fall in love with anyone but my boyfrien. but i sort of miss talking to j, he was like the only guy who didn't start talking to me bc of my boyfriend. like- my boyfriend is somewhat popular in our grade with the guys bc they all play soccer together and after we started dating, they all started to talk to me abt my boyfriend and like- i want to start talking to j again bc i dont want him to act like a stranger to me but then, i dont want to talk to him again bc my boyfriend despises him ig and i dont want any of them getting hurt, especially my boyfriend, bc ik j carries around like a weapon or some shit.

im sorry if all this shit sounds confusing as hell, i just wanted to rant.

I'm not too good with relationships, so i'm prolly not much help. But you could ask your bf about it if you really wan to be friends with j. if your bf doesn't understand, then i'm not really sure what to tell you though. J seems pretty chill, so just let him kno that u wanna be friends, but tell him not to touch ur personal space, I guess. The fact he carries a weapon is a little odd tho lol. Either way, do what makes you happy. Don't feel obliged to do what ur bf wants just because he's a little jelly.

>>2 so i've starting texting j again on friday but my bf found out so he got mad at me and told me to choose him or j, ofc i chose him bc i cherish my relationship with him over j's since we've been together for a little bit more than a year. hopefully in a few years, he can calm down about this whole situation and j and i can be friends again.

I... yikes. I assume you're a teenager and probably in high school, which explains why you're so willing to make sacrifices for your boyfriend.

Listen, the fact that he can't trust you to be friends with another guy is a big red flag. Him making you choose between him and J is an even bigger red flag.

In a relationship, neither person should control who the other is friends with. This is just plain out not healthy. The lack of trust is also a sign that the relationship isn't very strong, since trust is necessary to make a relationship work.
The amount of time spent in a relationship means NOTHING if there is no trust or respect. Doesn't matter if you've been together a week, a year, or a decade.

This is absolutely not what you want to hear, but it's important. If your boyfriend can't trust you to be friends with other guys or respect you enough to let you make your own decisions regarding friendships, then you shouldn't be with him. Trust and respect are literally the bare minimums for a functional relationship, and it doesn't seem he has either for you based on what you wrote.

My advice, talk to your boyfriend. Let him know that you cherish your relationship with him and that nobody is gonna get in the way of that. Tell him that you just want a friendship from J. If that just makes him mad, you NEED to get out of that relationship. Just talk things out with him ASAP and let him see your point of view. I hope that he can understand and you can strengthen your relationship with him through this conversation as well as be able to stay friends with J. I wish the best for you!

>>4 thank you for your advice!! but he really isnt like this with any other guys/people besides j and people who are flirty with me, yes i know this whole thing sounds toxic but everything in our relationship besides this is healthy enough for a relationship. if he does start acting like this with other people though, i will talk to him about it tell him to take my feelings into consideration and if he can't respect that, i'll break it off with him. also, we're currently trying to work together in getting his trust up back for me. but thank you for your advice and opinion on this!!