It's not easy to talk about and I can't turn to police so I wondered maybe someone online could give me idea.This isn't a feel sorry for me post or spam post. I was getting abused for fourteen years. I started training martial art of kenjutsu four years ago. I'm getting stronger but I still don't know what to do about it. I don't want to kill. But I don't want to keep getting abused. And I can't talk to those people. Does anyone have idea what can I do?

What’s the reason you can’t talk to the police? If you’re being abused, the absolute safest thing you can do is go to the police, and stay there until someone has helped you. File a report, if you must. If you can’t talk to the police, you can talk to someone who can tell the police for you. A teacher, counselor, a trusted friend’s parent, any of these people should help you.

Another thing, get out of wherever the abuse is taking place. Crash at a friend’s house, stay with a trusted family member, do something that takes you out of that situation.

I don’t want to advocate for violence, but if you have to fight, don’t be afraid to. Do whatever it takes for you to survive and get away from the abuser.

>> Not sure if I should take this post seriously since it lacks plenty of information but going in with what you have given...

Kenjutsu? Are you sure about that? Where are you based and which school are you from? I'm saying this because Kenjutsu schools outside Japan are practically impossible to find. Kenjutsu doesn't teach you self defense skills- it teaches you the ancient art of sword dueling in feudal Japan. To apply it in modern life has zero practicality, let alone self defense.

I'd suggest you to pick up some contact martial arts- karate, taekwondo, judo, muay thai, boxing etc. if you're really serious about defending yourself. 14 years? That's rough.

Again I think your post is very vague so we need more information from you, but what >>2 said is pretty applicable.