So, my parents are divorced and have been for eight years. But the past about their divorce doesn't really matter, right now what matters is what's happening now. I go week in week off between my parents' houses. That means I spend a week at moms house and a week at dads house. But lately I've been feeling guilt about it. My mother gets sad when I leave and it hurts me so much to see her like that. But I can't just ditch my dad for my mom, that would hurt him. My older sister already made her decision. She stays with my mom full time. Which adds to the reason why I can't just leave my dad like that, he's already so sad that he barely gets to see one of his daughters.
So, I'm here to ask for help? What do I do?! Is there a way for me to work things out without hurting all three of us at the same time? Is there a way to cope with the feelings? Please tell me if you have any advice or ideas. I can't keep going like this. Thank you in advance.

Consider talking with your dad about how upset your mom gets and see if he can help you work something out.

^

>>1 I know it's sad to say, but because you're the one most aware of the situation, you might also be the most unfortunate one in this too. In the environment I've lived in, we kids naturally gained a nature for social duties. We were very emotionally beaten in our childhood by our mother and the verbal abuse exchanged between parents. We lied and put each other down for the sake of keeping our parents happy.

If I were you in your situation, I would continue to do what I've been doing this whole time. If I can spare a little extra time for my mum to keep her happy that'd be great. Women just tend to be way more in-tune to their emotions, basically they wear their hearts on their sleeves.

I'm so sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're in! My parents are going through a divorce (more like me + mom against dad), and I know what you mean about that sad look that moms give. She tries to keep us from noticing, but I can tell she feels sad and lonely when I have to leave. I would stay with her all the time, but court orders =_= .

It's kind and courageous of you that you're trying to be a good daughter to both of your parents :) . Because you want to console your dad, maybe before you leave your mom you can spend a little extra time with her? If you can't find the time, then maybe you could try to compliment her or give her a hug or just help out around the house for a few minutes, just to show her you care. If you find that your only options are to leave one to make the other happy, then I would (it sounds selfish but it's not) try to think about yourself a little. What do /you/ want? Make sure that you're not ignoring one of the most important people in the situation--yourself. :)

I am in the same situation.
What I did was let them both know I love them.

>>2 Yeah the problem with that is that they hate each other's guts.

>>6 GLHF, you're fucked

As someone whose parents are divorced recently, I sympathize with you on this issue. My opinion is that there is little you can really do in this situation and that their sadness (or lack of thereof) is mostly theirs to bear.
They are, however, very lucky to have such a caring child.



My recommendation (similar to >>3, >>4 and >>5) is to do as best you can to remind them that you love them. Actions speak louder than word most often than not, but even leaving them messages from time to time could be nice, no matter which parent you choose to live with. Call them so that they'd know you care for their wellbeing, that you miss them.



I have no idea if you are a minor or not, but assuming you'll reach adulthood soon enough, I think it is important for you to know you need not feel guilty over your choice. Don't let yourself get guilt-tripped either. Rationalize your decision if it helps. I wish you good luck.