I feel I'm lucky in a sense I have old parents, but then there's this really unbearable pain in my heart when I think about it, anyone relate? My mum had me when she was 44 so she's in her 60s and my dad is in his mid 70s now. They've taught and continue to teach me all about their experiences and making the right choices in life. And I think so far most of the choices have been right, more than the average person with young parents.

But then I don't get to experience the world in my own way anymore. People learn from their mistakes and learn from other's as well. But to reach mental maturity faster than most is what caused me to be the 'granny' that everyone calls me. I don't feel like going to parties or socialising but instead just sit at home and do some craft works. My mum tells me to enjoy my youth but I don't know how to when I've got restrictions, I'll tell you what these restrictions are.

Ever since I was a kid, probably 5, my parents would always talk about how old they're getting and what I should do when they'd pass away. Inheritance, take care of this and that. As a child I was emotional. But either way, just imagine telling a 5 year old kid you're gonna die and they have to shoulder everything you've done so far? Kids are so reliant on their parents for emotional support, but I realised I was the one who had to give that to my parents at a very young age. It meant I had to keep all these aches and fears inside of me. I'd get nightmares and they'd repeat on some nights sometimes. And the night after that I would stay awake for as long as I could go to my parent's bedroom so I could check if they were still breathing as they slept (I guess I got better night vision that way huh).

From then on I felt I couldn't leave them alone, like a child. By the way it is true when they say that as a person reaches old age, they revert back to a child. I feel I've had to deal with that quite a bit. The one thing that also hurts is the fact I've got siblings much older than me and they think that since I'm around, they don't have to worry about our mum and dad. Well I'm priviliged then, getting all the reward for taking care of them on my own, fine. But then at night as I go to sleep I end up thinking what would happen once our parent's pass away. My siblings all have their partners and children to comfort them, who do I have to turn to and get some comfort?

Also, my mum get's depressed almost everyday and paranoia. She says that we're gonna leave her to die but I keep reminding her how much I love her and not to say things like that. I promised to stay by her side till the very end. I comfort her everyday from the pain my brother inflicts on her and it's so hard to try and save my brother's reputation while keeping mum happy. I try so hard to stay mentally sane but that can't last long for anyone. If you put a rotten apple in a whole group of fresh ones they're bound to be affected too. I have to be very sensitive to them because I know at their age, words from a young person can inflict so much pain.

I honestly couldn't hold tears back while typing this down but thank you so much for anyone who read this, I was never open about this to anyone else.

Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san,
I'm also in a similar situation. We are technically the same age, and even though my parents did not have me as old as your parents had you, they still tell me what I should do if they were to die (and not from old age). They had already told me since I was just a little kid, and repeat themeselves till this day.
I've also been restricted with what I can and should do. My mother is overly protective of me so this stops me from experiencing the social world- she won't even let me take the bus because "it would be too dangerous to be with a group of strangers"...like really, right?
So, because she restricts me with so many things, I don't even know if I can handle being on my own if she were to die. She also tells me how I would have to do everything on my own. My family isn't very wealthy so there isn't much I can inherit, but if there were, most would be given to my older and more successful brother. Which means that my responsibilities would be piling up for me as I get older since I am not allowed to ask for his help either.
She adds onto my stress as she expects so much out of me now, and would expect even more after she's dead. I believe that's somewhat what you are feeling too. (The dang Expectations D:)

The point is: yes, it's a shame that old parents would pass earlier, leaving their child who possibly hasn't even reached adulthood yet.
However, regardless of age, this is still a normal process that people face. So don't be too down.
Continue to cherish your time with them. And don't let restrictions stop you since you're gonna have to get out into the real world one day anyways.
And do enjoy your youth, as when they really are gone, no matter how old you are, you'll immediately have to become an "Adult".

- my point may not be getting across right cus I'm really tired hahas. But really, don't be too scared or stressed and enjoy your moments with them and yourself-

>>2 Thank you. And yeah, I feel maybe at some point I can come to terms with all of this and finally enjoy the time I have with my parents. I can relate when you talk about taking the bus lol. Just the fact that there's someone out there who can relate to me and has overcome these feelings makes me feel a whole lot better, thanks again :)

I think I'll come out a whole lot stronger than my brothers and sisters.

Kokkuri-san, hello!

Ah, let's see... I feel like I can relate, being able to reach mental maturity faster than most people my age.
Although, in my case, my parents don't restrict me too much.

Basically, what I am saying is I can pnly relate to your situation partly, so I wouldn't EXACTLY know how you feel. Nonetheless, I shall try to help you somehow. Feel free to completely disregard my advice and do otherwise; in the end, it ultimately boils down to what YOU think you should do.

Balance. That's all I think matters now, balance. There is a time for everything. So, feel free to 'enjoy your youth' and 'cherish your time', as long as you don't completely neglect your responsibilities. I'm sure old people (especially parents) just feel the need for assurance because, truly, they care for you; they're worried about you more than themselves, so.

How do you achieve balance? I can't quite tell since I don't completely know everything about your circumstance, so it's something only you should know for yourself.

Goodluck!

That was more of a reminder than an advice, really.