hello i need help on what to do. so i have this friend (i'll just call her zeni) so me and zeni's friendship goes way back into middle school (we're in high school now) and we have been through a lot together and i was like her guardian angel because we are always together and i protected her from bullies hell i even stopped her from killing herself a few times. but then one day this guy that me and her both liked (i let her have him because she knew him first but we both held the same amount of feelings for him) well anyway one day this guy died and of course we were both hurt and put us into a depression for awhile but then after this incident she started to get into drugs and she was just a complete mess. of course i stuck by her side because i made a promise to her that i would always be her guardian angel, also one of the last words that the guy said to me was "make sure you stay by zeni and never go apart because you guys are stronger together than alone" so i made a promise to them both. now that you have an idea of how deep this is here is the MAIN issue. one night zeni called me and asked if i would run away with her. she had this whole plan and everything figured out of how we would escape and change our looks and how it would look like a kidnapping and how her cousin would smuggle us out of the state, just everything was planned and it seemed to be a really good plan but... my family life had just started to get better like my moms boyfriend stopped drinking and my anger that i held for my family was going away and i was getting control of my anger and depression so i was happy.. but zeni wasn't and she wanted to leave. i made a promise to her and its a very deep and serious promise but then my family life just started to get better and i just don't know what to do help please!!!

>>1 wow. Okay, promises are promises but sometimes you have to break them, it happens. Pretending to get kidnapped is a serious issue, you can't do that to your family, and you can let Zeni do it. My advice is to convince her to stop. The two of you can leave when you graduate (I'm assuming you're still in school.) You can't just abandon everything a run away, and people would find you eventually too. Running away isn't rational, just sit down and talk to her about it, think of another way after you're both done school and the two of you can move somewhere else then. But if you can't convince her then I honestly think you should let her go. You can't make all of her decisions for her and protect her from everything. The two of you are a team so tell her that what she's planning isn't the best for the both of you because you're future is at stake too.

>>2 my thoughts exactly. but for some strange reason i still have this feeling that i should go with her even though im thinking everything that you just said, which is why i posted this in the first place because im in a state if confusion >_< everthing that you said is what i said to her but she just wont have it

i also agree that its bad to make it look like a kidnapping and i really don't want it to be that but she's a little forceful and says it will go with the plan. i did tell her to give me a couple weeks to a month to think about this so i at least have some time to get my head straight on what really should happen.its just half of me wants to go with her for the fun and danger even though its extremely wrong while the other half wants to stay and keep going to the same school even though if i do that zeni would be depressed but just thinking about this whole run away thing and what i should do in my confusion is making me also depressed because i just don't know what to do. zeni wont listen to me and we always do crazy dangerous stuff (maybe not like this but still) so its just... its pressure is what it is

You are her guardian angel, it means, you have to do what's best for her, but you are also a human, you also need what's best for you. I'm not saying that escaping with her is right or wrong for both of you, but maybe you reeeeally have to talk to her about what's best for both of you, confront each other, be honest to each other, believe in each other. I don't know what will be the outcome of having this kind of conversation with her but I really wish that both of you will see a road that is best for both of you.
Just remember, you don't really have to be around her all the time, even as her guardian angel, zeni also needs to grow up and stand on her own. Zeni needs to learn how to fight her problems alone, how to create a solution for herself. Your duty is just to be her back-up, to support her and sometimes, guide her.

I agree with >>2, you really need to have an exchange of ideas and opinions about this matter. You can NEVER escape poblems, it will always come back. Both of you might as well imagine what will you life will be like in making such choices, will you be happy? will zeni be happy?

honestly, the only thing I can think as a solution for this is a conversation, so sorry, If I don't make much sense, reading your post at first made me think that what if all the choices are win-lose or lose-win? but maybe there must be a win-win choice for both of you, just think about it....

anyway, I wish the best for both of you

You are her guardian angel, it means, you have to do what's best for her, but you are also a human, you also need what's best for you. I'm not saying that escaping with her is right or wrong for both of you, but maybe you reeeeally have to talk to her about what's best for both of you, confront each other, be honest to each other, believe in each other. I don't know what will be the outcome of having this kind of conversation with her but I really wish that both of you will see a road that is best for both of you.
Just remember, you don't really have to be around her all the time, even as her guardian angel, zeni also needs to grow up and stand on her own. Zeni needs to learn how to fight her problems alone, how to create a solution for herself. Your duty is just to be her back-up, to support her and sometimes, guide her.

I agree with >>2, you really need to have an exchange of ideas and opinions about this matter. You can NEVER escape poblems, it will always come back. Both of you might as well imagine what will you life will be like in making such choices, will you be happy? will zeni be happy?

honestly, the only thing I can think as a solution for this is a conversation, so sorry, If I don't make much sense, reading your post at first made me think that what if all the choices are win-lose or lose-win? but maybe there must be a win-win choice for both of you, just think about it....

anyway, I wish the best for both of you

thank you both of you. it made me feel better to just let this problem out instead of holding onto it. but i really mean it thank you it made me feel less stressed by just reading your comments and even though i have no idea what will happen or what choice will be made but i will think deep about both of your words and see if there is another way than just running away. well i'll just hope for the best since i don't do well being pressured because i always end up giving in.. but hopefully she ends up changing her mind... i promise i will think deep about all your words and thank you i feel a lot more relieved to have some outside voices

Even if it was not a formal pact it was one in a sense, which means you must protect her. However this does not necessarily mean that protecting her is going along with all her plans and protecting her on the way. Personally it means that but that you must also protect her decisions on matters like running away, if running away will harm you both more than it will help then I would suggest not to. I emphasize the word both in my previous sentence, if a guardian angel is not able to protect due to exhaustion, worry, stress, depression, ect. Then you won't be able to protect. However there is a dilemma, what if she leaves regardless of your decision? I would say go and bring her back, inform the other people that you love that your okay and that your not kidnapped so that they can help you protect her. One way to protect a person is to surround them with people that care about them. If you do want to go however prepare yourself, it is not easy to be in a place away from people who support you especially after a difficult time. Read Go ask Alice, the book does not offer any advice I warn you now however it brings insight to certain subjects pertaining to running away. I agree with the others that spoke on this almost entirely and I hope that what I said was helpful and that you have everything on your side in your life because just by becoming someone's guardian angel you will go down in my book of people that I appreciate as a person. If you could also give updates for us to help more that would also be good and if you do end up wanting to run away I can offer tips on how to disappear entirely, if you want.

Bump

i say do it. friends always come first, no matter what. your family had its chance, its too late now.

that must be Hard for you but don't do it think about the rappists out there she may be your bff but I would talk her out of it

I'm agree with >>2 , >>5 , and >>8 advice. Maybe, we will not able give you the best advice since the one that experience the real thing is you. It's a really complicated things and I hope you will decide the best for you and your friend. So, I don't think breaking your promise is a good decision. However, I don't think that leaving your family is the best. So, if it is possible, you should't choose one and leave the other. If it is possible, you should choose both by finding another way. Breaking your promise will only make her feel worse and leaving your family that you said has started to get better has a possibility will ruin the relationship inside your family. The dollars' friends above me has give you some advice to have a conversation or trying to convince her to change her mind, which I think really nice. However, I don't think changing someone's opinion who is in a state of struggling so bad with her life would be that easy. So, if finding a third choice is not possible and you really need to choose one. Maybe, you should think deeply and recall your memories. When you were in your hardest time who was the one that always stay by your side and help you to go through it. Is it your friend or your family? And if you go with her, will you regret it if it gives some bad effect to your family? Because your friend's plan is really serious. It may look it will go smoothly and it will save her from her problem, but no human can predict what will going to happen in the future. It may not only effect your family but also your other precious people. And it may not solve any of her problem. I don't mean to scare you. I'm sorry if my words and opinion are too harsh. I believe that there is still another choice for you to choose without sacrificing you, your friends, nor your family.

I'm sorry if it is not helping at all. I hope you will be able to decide the best thing for you and your friend that will not make you regret. But, I really hope that that decision of you will not including sacrificing your own happiness. You are her guardian and a human at the same time who have a big weight on your shoulders. Your own weight and your friend's. If they love you and precious to you, I believe that they will understand and think about your happiness, too :) Good luck, Fortune-san^^