Hello everybody, well lately i have been having this "homesick and nostalgic" feeling about my past and i dont mean a year ago i mean like 10 years ago (more less) you see when i was a little child around 3-5 years old i had this little group of friends and we were kind of like siblings with each other but then when we entered elementary we splitted out like into sides (you know some of them were like starting to be popular and so but it was different with me i started to become antisocial and i also started to read a lot and like that years passed and with the girls that used to be my friends i cant even talk to because they turned from the little i-want-to-be-popular girls from elementary into bitches that believe that if youre not from the social grup then youre a loser type of person and i turned from just an antisocial little girl to a super antisocial otaku gamer who loves to read and fandom and a more likely a very weird person for them and talking about the boys i didnt even saw them for almost all elementary and middle school and now of course we dont talk to each other but when i see one of them (they are like 2 or 3) i kind of feel guilty and nostalgic for not talking to them in years and because after all we were like siblings but i dont know what to do most of them usually hang out with almost everybody because they are from the bunch of popular kids that i dont like to be with because i have tried far many times to speak with them and to be gentle and most of them act like assholes when talking to me--specially girls. ANY ADVICE?? and something more i just want to clear out that im very antisocial (maybe because of how people have treated me most of my life) and quit most of the time only when hanging out with my friends i talk more but its always about fandoms and anime. and im a girl. and another question : do you think normal people fear me because of my appereance? im tall, skinny with long dark hair and eye-long bangs and quit fair skin but usually with a serious face (i call it the first part of my ice shield XD )and always holding a book in my hand. ( i ask this because sometimes when they are talking in groups im aware of how they look at me)--note: not because they fear many of something im going to change myself its actually the other way around if thats the case im really going to laugh hard at this. THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.

>>1 so you have some normal lingering feelings of childhood, we all experience it but what you need to realize is that it's the past and people have changed and will continue to change; you've changed as well and it's normal to feel bad about not speaking to people you once knew. But you don't know them anymore, they're different people and they've moved on as well so don't feel so bad about it.
People don't approach not because you're antisocial, it's probably because of your "ice shield" which is absolutely fine! I'm antisocial-gamer-otaku-fujoshi girl too, and trust me, you don't need people to approach you to be happy. You have your hobbies so stick to them, you don't need mean people who only care about popularity as friends, I've had them and it was awful....so do what you love you don't need those kind of people as friends, I'm sure later on in life you'll find someone else that has the same hobbies as you. I hope that helps~! ^^

>>2 Neko-tama thanks for the advice it is really helpful, now i feel less confused, really THANK YOU :3

>>3 you're very welcome~! :3

Chances are that she will still love you as you are, because your her brother and the younger one,too. No matter what happens, I really don't think that you'll split apart because of an argument or two. Just keep expressing yourself and you do have the right to be mad about her. Those are your feelings and your life. Don't hide.