Let me put this bluntly. I'm openly lesbian, and I only came out last December. My family was accepting, but of course, they weren't /happy./ Who gets happy when their daughter says she's lesbian? All they want is the perfect little daughter who will marry a rich, handsome boy and make beautiful children. But when she says she won't marry a man, but is deeply in love with a woman, they're devastated.
Of course, they learned to accept by now. They love me for who I am, as a family should. But my Dad is still awkward about it. I mean, my dad is a straight man, and of course, he's gonna be a little weird about it, seeing that in his generation wasn't accepting. He's accepted, but of course, at heart, not exactly.

My point is; a few days ago, a few stupid girls at my school were posting statuses on Facebook saying, "People are such fags these days..." and I was extremely enraged. I hate that word. I really do, and I hate that a bunch of ignorant girls who supposedly 'respect gay rights' are still gonna say shit like that. I don't know, it pissed me off and I ranted a bit on Facebook, the black hole of drama, saying briefly how you would NEVER use the word nigger to a black person in a hurtful matter, so why the fuck are you saying faggot?
My dad was all, "Why do you have to say stuff like that on facebook?" And I know, he probably doesn't like the word choice. But I know he was being homophobic, he doesn't agree with me...

All in all, what should a lesbian do about her homophobic father?

ignore him its ur choice to say and d and like what u want. i support u

FAG: Female Arse Grabber
FAGGOT: Female Arse Grabber Getting OverTime!
GAY: Good And Yummy
LESBIAN: Loser. Evil. Stupid. Betrayal. Ignorant. Arsehole. Never.

I have a thing against lesbians. You see, my poor little heart was shattered by one. My girlfriend had dumped me and came out of the closet...Ignore your pops and don't bring any (girl)friends over. You'll be fine...

If anything, you're being a bit oversensitive about the use of the word. Much like "gay," it has transformed from a derogatory word for homosexuals into a derogatory word for anybody. Isn't that better than singling out someone for their sexuality? If you were a gay person, wouldn't you rather be called "stupid" than "flaming gay", in a derogatory sense?

I don't know where your dad comes into this. Are you just upset he didn't support your counterflaming? You might be misunderstanding his intent. Otherwise, just know that some people are naturally uncomfortable with non-hetero sexual orientation, and it doesn't make them horrible people. Most are raised with the idea of heterosexuality ingrained in their minds, and it takes a particularly open one to be totally okay with homosexuality without a second thought.

Homophobia is only a bad thing if they start to actively push their beliefs on other people, and it just sounds like your dad is uncomfortable.

>>3 thanks for helping out with this subject, and not looking like an asshole for the second half of the post. oh wait...

Really, i feel like this subject will kind of work itself out as time goes on. He didn't really seem to be encouraging the "put down gays" talk, and like Misuto, I personally feel like you were being a -bit- oversensitive at the use of the word, because a word really only means what you want it to mean. do those people legitimately view homosexuals as inferior beings that they use as a comaprison with people they do not like? or is it just part of their use of slang? and if you -really- want to get into it, a fag is a bundle of sticks, and the word was adapted to be used to describe gay men. it's all about what the intent of the word is and how you personally wish to take it.

As for your dad, you said your father grew up in a generation that was not really open to or accepting of homosexual actions, so living his while life that way, of course he's been set in his ways. he's only gone 5 months in the many of his years of life actually having extended contact with a homosexual person, and that fact alone just makes it weird for him. The fact that it's his daughter just makes it weirder. He loves and supports you no matter what, and THAT is what you should be focusing on. really, all you need is some more time to allow this period of adjustment to be over with. it'll work out ion then end, just try not to worry about it.

Well if your father is a bit miffed by it talk to him about the issue. I respect lesbians and homosexuals because they are just a little different with their sexuality, and as long as they don't drag me into it i'm fine.

Find the root of the issue with your father and try to get him to understand that you don't like boys in THAT way but you like girls in that sense.

I'm only trying to help my fellow Dollars out.

Personally, I understand why you are, but you're being much too sensitive about them saying that.
But your dad also shouldn't have called you out for speaking your mind.
I think you should just explain to your dad why you did what you did, and how it offends you.

I typed this all up in a hurry, so I'm sorry, I didn't have the time to explain too well, I was just extremely upset and wanted advice.

>>3 That was immature and selfish. Just because one lesbian broke your heart doesn't mean they're all bad. That's called prejudice, hon.
>>4 and >>5 Yes, I agree with everything you said, but let me explain this further.

Yes, he is accepting of my sexuality and will not hate on me for it. But, ever since I told him Easter of 2011 (Forgot to mention it's been a year since I came out to HIM, and I came out to the general public, my school, and other family members in December), he's been in somewhat of a denial. I can justify why, too- my sister, who's 6 years older than me, has always made horrible choices. She's been nothing but a problem child, and I mean that seriously; she got expelled from her high school, she's currently pregnant... there's always something wrong. And yet, I've been the opposite. Always listening to the rules, getting good grades, taking advice from my parents to heart instead of ignoring it like any other teenager.

When I told dad that I had a girlfriend, he passed it along like no big deal. He was really secretive of it, never brought it up, and I felt awkward, so I never brought it up, either. When I came out to everyone in December, he blew up. Not really at me, but he ranted to his girlfriend, my grandma.. Now, this is because he was in shock, and as Mitsuo stated, he grew up in a world where accepting homosexuality wasn't as widely common as it is in today's society.

Lately, he's been more accepting of my girlfriend. He's not weird when I talk about her or anything. But that was it. So, back to the current situation- a bunch of girls on facebook were being ignorant, and using 'faggot' and 'gay' in negative ways. Normally, I grit my teeth and let it slide, but it just pissed me off. So, I posted a status saying this-

" 'Oh yeah! I totally support gay rights! Gay people should be able to marry too!' And yet you STILL say, 'You're such a faggot!!'
Do you have any clue how that really offends me? You wouldn't dare say 'You're such a nigger!' to a black person, would you? And you still have the balls to say faggot. Well, you know what? If you think everyone is equal, stop using such offensive words.

Love,
People who actually care"

So, for that status, he blew up at me, saying "That doesn't have to be seen by the world." THAT'S what upset me, because I /want/ it to be seen. That's the whole damn point of facebook. I want people to hear me out, and maybe my typed words mean nothing, but I got lots of agreement. This wasn't directed only to those girls, so don't stereotype it under a 'status obviously directed to one person' because this applies to ANYONE who claims to support gays and use fag/gay in a derogative way. Back to the point- As a father, I can see why he was upset by me actually saying 'faggot' and 'nigger' in the status. But nobody's gonna take me seriously if I type in, "the... you know.. the f-a-g word." Maybe I could have, that was my own fault, I can take the blame for that. Yet, my point remains.

But what I do know is why he got angry. Because he thinks me being lesbian is just a phase, and I'll get over it. But as soon as I show an ounce of gay support or if I'm open about my sexuality, he gets mad because then it's like showing more devotion to my "choice", which it ISN'T. That's my point. He was raised in a world where heterosexuality was normal, and homosexuality wasn't. That's kind of how it is today, but slowly, that's changing for the better, hopefully. Anyways. I didn't choose to be lesbian. I didn't just wake up and say, "I feel like being lesbian!" No. I've known all my life, but I didn't really KNOW until a year and a half ago. I knew I was different as a kid- why didn't I have a crush on a boy? Why did I want to know what it was like to kiss my friend, Lena? I've always known, but I've always been secretive. Sadly, he didn't notice this. My mom did; when I came out to her, she actually went, I KNEW IT! xD

But in all seriousness, it's been a year since I told him and he still hasn't really accepted. He's still stiff about it all, and if I bring up the topic, he gets all pissed off at me, and I don't know what else to say or do. Does anyone have suggestions? Do I just wait more? :/

1. You're being oversensitive and probably hypocritical. I assume so because you've probably used the word "retard" to refer to someone who is not mentally retarded before, or some other word used in a similar way. Words are not knives, so you can afford to ignore them when people toss them at you.

2. No amount of effort is going to make your father up and change his entire belief system. Contrary to every 80's movie ever, problems aren't solved by the end of 2 hours. If he ever does come to accept it, it'll most likely be after many years, and that acceptance will be half-hearted at best.

>>9 This.

>>1 You really can't shove your system of beliefs down your father's throat; not only is it rude, but it is innapropriate. He's not just going to change his feelings because his daughter is lesbian. He has every right to disapprove, and you have every right to be who you are anyway. Let it be. Also, there's no reason to get worked up over a few words. It only causes unnecessary drama.

>>9 and >>11

I guess I just got upset and overreacted. Thank you for the advice!

>>8 and >>12, >>9 DOES have a point, however i can now see why you have been getting sort of worked up over it. Your dad's reaction to the FB post was a bit unwarrented. I personally am not homosexual, nor do i ever see myself becoming one, but i still support gay rights, talk to some of my gay acquaintances at school, and counter-bash on any moronic gay bashers, and none of that means that I myself am a homosexual, so I feel like you supporting gay rights is something you should be able to do whether you are a lesbian or not. Not sure if i was able to get my point across very well there, but it's sort of early. i'll expand on it if i need to later though.

And as for your dad...there's not much that could really be said. My mom is sort of similar to him in some ways. she doesn't dislike or stray away from homosexual people, and treats them like anyone else, but she's stated openly to me several times that she doesn't think people can ACTUALLY BE HOMOSEXUAL, and that it's sort of a delusional phase. makes me shake my head every time. I think he's just in shock and has been in a state of hopeful denial for the last year or so. i mean, he's set in his ways. As you said in the OP every father wants to watch their little girl grow up to be successful, happy, and have a good family, and currently he's sort of been denied that with both of his daughters. It's rough, but I still think that eventually everything will work out. If things don't calm down soon, i think it would be best to sit down with him and voice your concerns. That's really the only advice I could give, and hopefully it won't have to go that far.

bumping idiocracy from this board.

Well on the internet and outside of my house I am opening gay. I do not have the courage to tell my parents nor my family. except for one person, my cousin. I rarely talk to him anymore but still... I am a cross dresser, and a femboy. Which are basically the same thing. I wear skirts, stockings, panties, and things like that. I even wear a padded bra to give it more authenticity. Some guys even come up to me and hit on me thinking I am a female. Which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.


But continuing, the only few problems I have had while being gay was idiots on the street who have a good enough eye to see I'm a guy spit on me, insult me, or something like that. Which give me some.... emotional problems. People also ask me just to be rude if I was ever touched, molested, raped, or abused as a child, which I answer no. Which kind of isn't true, the only one that really hurt me in my family was my brother, but I was always stronger than him. Even at 3 years of age under him. I've been insulted many times. Called a fag, faggot, fudge packer, sinner, many other things. But I just chuckle and walk away. Most of the time. Unless they continue to harass me.

But since I do not go to school off of the computer, I do not really have many, in real life homosexual friends. Which makes me feel like an outcast sometimes. I absolutely love myself! But not in a way that I would masturbate to my own picture. That is just creepy. I have many homosexual friends on the internet which I frequently talk to. Which helps me get through life because they always play video games with me, make me laugh, and make me happy.



But I dont understand why your father is so homophobic. I mean if the bible didnt exist, everyone would be okay with homosexuality. And if homosexuality didnt exist it would necessary to create it. I dont plan on telling me family any time soon I am homosexual.

>>15 Just want to point out an inaccuracy here: The bible's existence did not start homophobia. People have always been prone to dislike things that are different from them and the bible just gave them another reason to rationalize it. You shouldn't preach about wanting to be treated equally if you're going to turn around and smash religion a second later. There's also nothing "necessary" about homosexuality, as it has no benefit from a genetic standpoint (what society and nature are prone to evolve by). No one knows why it happens, but it does.

>>16 well, technically homosexuality is not a really "foreign" concept in a human's natural life, but when people are taught that being gay is wrong, then they are more prone to make fun of people for doing it, so his bible comment has SOME relevancy to it. That being said, you are correct in saying it is definitely not the only cause of homophobia nor is it a necessity for homosexuality to exist, it's just a natural urge. one tat exists in many different forms of life.

>>15 reapaer does have a point in saying that you can not expect to be treated equally while bashing on a religion. I understand where the anger is coming from, but there are many christians who don't give a damn about your sexuality, the only people who go around gay bashing are the people who either use their religion as a scapegoat to make fun of what they consider a foreign concept, take every single letter of the bible as how people should lives their lives, or did not pay any god damned attention to the whole "tolerance" section of the bible. It's just one of those cases where you have to be a bigger person. The irony is quite palpable when you are.

I'm gay I don't find it offensive at all when people say stuff like "That's so gay", or "You're such a fag" because they don't mean it in the same manner as homosexuality. The only thing that gets me mad are homophobes. They don't have a legitimate reason to hate gays other than "God said it's bad"

>>18 I agree with you, though I'm a bit bicurious...the only thing that angers me about homophobes is that most of them say 'God says it's bad'. Where in the Holy Bible does it say the Lord disapproves of homosexuality? It clearly states that God loves everyone, no matter what they do. Whatever sins they had made can be confessed by them, and can be forgiven.

What my dad doesn't understand (he's one heck of a crazy christian who knows not that his son is bi or that I believe there is someone other than God) is the one piece of the Bible that he reads over and over, 'God forgives all, even if the same sin is repeated. The point in which they will pay for their sins is when they see the great Lord himself.' (not sure how it was written though...) and he can't understand that if you keep your faith with the Lord, ask for forgiveness, and pray, you can go to heaven...

>>3 AND you, don't bash on all lesbians just because one broke your heart...it's stupid of you to do that. Sure, she may have come out of the closet, she may have dated for who knows how long...but maybe, just maybe, she was wanting to see what it'd be like with one boy before she truthfully decided on switching teams.

>>19 necroposting is baaaaaaaad

>>1 2012-04-25 08:41
>>19 2012-10-13 23:47

Seriously. Let dead posts stay dead.

Just to put it out there I knew a gay dude and he used the word fag more than anyone I've ever known. Truth is I don't really think it is a bad thing, unless they say it as an insult. Hell, my friends and I say the most racist things to eachother, but we never mean them to be an insult.

Also it is hard to acknowledge a child as being gay. It sounds like you are pretty close, since you patched it up real quick. Maybe it is your dad thinking he doesn't know you as well as he thought he did. Since I think a regular parent konws there kids quite well. (I say a regular parent due ot me never having that family connection.) It could be more of him thinking that you are now your own person, rather than always depending on him as well.

Oh, and for the record I joke around and say nigger to a bunch of my black friends while they insult me back with more racist remarks.

>>22 Just to put it out there. Dead thread is dead. Let it stay dead.

FAG!

FAG!

FAG!

Now that the issue is obviously resolved, can this thread get closed? This idiot will just keep the thread bumped otherwise.

>>1 Just ignore your father. My aunt is the same way about me being agnostic and not christian. She kicked me out of my own house once because I was agnostic... If he really gets on your nerves again, just say "Who cares what you thing? I'm my own person and you can't tell me what to believe. Everything is fair in love and war." and walk away because sitting there and arguing with him is just going to cause problems.