This person is my brother, he keeps talking to me, and I know he doesn’t have bad intentions, it’s just that I’m asking him to leave me alone a lot more, and I don’t want to hurt his feeling but at the same time, I just can’t deal with his voice after a while, I don’t know, my breathing gets quicker, I have to sit down, and I just start crying. I don’t want to be rude about it, but I feel like I am being rude by randomly crying or getting angry at him simply talking. I don’t want to do that to him, I just… do. What do I do?

I've been living with long term depression for 3 years now. Ever since my diagnosis of Epilepsy durring my last year of high school, I've been feeling distant and unmotivated. It all started when I felt like everyone in my friend group were ignoring me. The only time anyone would ever pay attention to me was if I said something funny or out-of-pocket. So, even when we hang out in college I've learnt to be that person. I've learnt to put on masks but...in all honestly, I hate being the funny friend. I just want to be normal and not be treated like the sarcastic one--the clown who's not supposed to be deep or anything. It's hard to word that one.
In my first year of college, I made no friends. I missed one day of class since I fell sick prior and groups were already formed. I flunked my first year but somehow passed with a warning into my second year. I think it was the social aspect as well as my bad profs. They got fired last year. Every time I got an email, even if it wasn't from them, I'd get anxious, sometimes even have a meltdown and become terrified. It was one bad thing after the next. By my second year, I slowly gained some friends (2), but really by chance. I was in a project with the guy the semester prior and met the girl through him introducing her to me. She ended up inviting me to her birthday which was super fun. After third semester, I didn't do good and got kicked out for a year. During that semester, despite having gained some friends, I felt even more alone. I got so behind in classes, school work terrified me and I stopped going. It was the girl who helped me through a panic attack in the washroom and took my stuff out of the class so I could leave. I tried to go back to that class multiple times but every time I'd get close, I'd break down into tears. My mom would have to drive me back. I avoided it.
Now, I'm back in my second year (now without my friends) and have since passed that semester with a decent gpa, but feel even more miserable. I can't describe it. Sometimes, in the morning, I think of throwing myself off of the small balcony or down the stairs, just so I don't have to go to school, but I then remember how that could disable me physically. Some with knives. Sometimes I remember I have free will to stab myself or gouge out my eyes but remember the consequences. Sometimes I just want to feel pain you know? Even today, I realized I had to get something done and freaked out at 6:30 AM. Barely ate any breakfast. I said, and honestly still feel, that I rather kms then show up to school. Or, at least drop out and block all of my classmates on instagram. In addition, I hate most of them. I'm thinking about dropping out. The thing is, I don't feel that way (fully). I don't want to think those thoughts but they are my true feelings. I just want the world to stop;I've been trying to shift since I was 15 because I want to believe there's away to get out of this hell hole. I thought that if I'd do something extreme that I'd finally get help--that ppl would finally care about me; feel bad for me and value me. I've never had a boyfriend, have an emotionally abusive childhood so my family is pretty fucked up as it is, and I just feel so tired. Maybe something like a mixture of, sad, angry, despair, hopelessness, and wanting for help. At this point, I've dug myself so deep that it's difficult to pull myself out of it. I need help and I've advocated for help, but I still feel this way. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling so unmotivated. I hate wanting to kms on the daily.I know that this is temporary, but I just can't deal with it by myself. 3 years of feeling miserable has sucked. 3 years of feeling lonely when I'm surrounded by people; 3 years of hating myself; And 3 years not feeling worthy. I just need help. I have no intention to kms, but in those moments of disparity, I'm capable of a lot. Also, I'm scared to tell my mom I want to kms as well as to my therapist. I don't want to be put in a hospital for this. I'd go even more crazy. Can someone just give me some advice or sm? I just hate this world. School itself is making the world to bleak.

If your mom is not abusive or crazy, you should tell her that you are too stressed from school and it makes you want to die. I did the same thing and my dad surprisingly listened, and then he let me drop some classes, and now I feel better. I also go to a therapist and take medication prescribed by my doctor.

Nothing can fully undo the damage those people did all those years ago, but things can get a heck of a lot better.

Just scared it might ruin my life, yk? like for the future.

Majority of my life we've worried about money and for the future, I don't want to have to worry about that stuff too. I do wanna have a small family too and I don't want to deny my kid stuff and experiences like I was.

Also, got a helicopter mom. I have a lot of medical conditions so she's always been protective of me. She'd too overhear my therapy sessions or doctors appointments through the walls or door then treats me like a little kid or some kinda delicate china cup afterwards. It's annoying, which is why I dont like telling her things. She's known about my diagnosed anxiety for thee years now but STILL does not see it like its a real thing. Treats it as an emotion rather than a medical issue. Doesn't believe in meds either and is super pissy about it too. Complained when I got her to take me to an appointment to a psychiatrist. If i tell her I wanna kms, she'd probably freak out and treat me like a child again, only to get upset and blame me for shit after. I know, I gotta figure it out on my own though.

I'm almost finished the semester and already thinking about dropping out of a class because I have too many projects. No idea if I even have a chance to pass it. Saw a statistic that younger student end up offing themselves before school and older students towards the end. Checks out. Not like I have wishes and dreams and all. Hate that I'm willing to give it up all for academic stress and random ass ppl.

There are so many interesting things and so many things to see. There are so many friends to make and so many stories to read. I don't want to say goodbye. I want to see and learn all the things that people make. Why is there not enough time to do that? What if there is nothing after death? Why is the world so interesting? Why did we get blessed with imagination and creativity just so that we can die and forget all of it?

I think that's what makes life worth living! Death should be used as the ultimate motivator to live a good life! Death is what gives life inherit value, because one day, it'll all be over So I believe that death exists to teach us how to cherish everyday. I understand though, there is a lot to life I wish I knew, but unfortunately I don't, however whatever happens after death, i'll make sure I can say I lived my life to the fullest on the earth!

I’m stuck at home. I turn 18 next week and I’ve hardly lived. Nothing ever happens here, and I’m isolated from everyone but my parents. Something inside me keeps screaming that I’m out supposed to be doing something, but what? I can’t escape this house. I only have 3 years left. I can feel it. Do I die then or is that when everything starts? Do I have 3 years left to live or to prepare? I don’t know why but this feels like the most logical place to spew this nonsense. Even though this website was made because of some fucking anime I haven’t watched in years. This is so stupid

Same. I found this site while looking through Fandom wikis trying to find a way past the censorship firewall. We can't organize protests on mainstream internet because then it will get removed, and the water guy might check the water meter, if you know what I mean.
I'm just a kid and I am stuck in this house. I just want to go outside and walk around or something. I want a job. I want to contribute to humanity. But I'm stuck in school writing things that will get graded and then thrown away. My work is pointless. I don't even enjoy it. I want to volunteer and work at disaster zones. But it is just a dream and nothing more. I can't join the military because of how I was born. I take prozac and it just makes me happy and still empty. People are dying, and I have to just watch because I can't do anything to help them. There has to be something more. I'm tired of chasing a life I don't want. I don't want to work at some company. I don't want to do this pointless work just to graduate and then go to university and get a job I don't want. I want to choose my job. I want to be free. I see my future in another country sometimes, but I can't immigrate there because once again, the way I was born.
I just want to fight for peoples civil liberties, but I don't want to go to jail :(

I'm proud of you. You're still here, after all the shit the world has thrown at you, after everything they did to you, you are still here. That takes a lot of strength and I am so proud of you for making it this far. If it is still affecting you negatively, and I know it is, that's not a sign of weakness. I need you to know it is not a sign of weakness.
It's darkest before the sun rises, but I promise you, the sun will rise, and there is a way out of the darkness, you just need to keep going.

Thank you :)

When I was 2 my parents divorced. Dad remarried a woman with Munchausen by proxy who drugged me numb for years. Mom killed herself in depression and mania and I took the blame for getting into fights at school. I was just trying to act tough.
The same year my mother died I had a half brother and the Munchausen Woman didn't want me in the family anymore so she had me prescribed more drugs for illnesses I didn't have further numbing me, but the numbing didn't help numb the guilt I felt at the time.
It wasn't long for guilt to wear down my mind and I tried to follow in my mother's footsteps. The problem was I wasn't even 6 yet and I had no idea how to end my own life, but I did know that my brain was important for living so I smashed it into the wall until I would pass out.
Obviously, this would make anyone think I was crazy. So I got sent to psychiatric hospitals where I would learn quite a bit about how fucked up people can be and my view of the world only darkened more.
Since my parents didn't want me around they left me there until the insurance stopped paying. As soon as I got home I would try again and I would be sent back to those hospitals at least 2 times a year and held there for about 3 to 5 months up until my 13th birthday.
When I turned 13 I was officially disowned and every moral I had went out the window. I locked myself in my cell with only my books to keep me company.
Maximum Ride by James Patterson was the series I was reading for along time. I found it oddly relatable and it founded my interest in genetics.
If they tried to pull me out of my room I would attack everyone until they put me back in isolation, but sometimes they would take my books from me and I would spend days screaming in the cell. They would inject me with tranquilizer but I guess the adrenalin would outlast it.

I hope your feel good, i'm sorry you had to go through that.

I am putting this here because I have no one else to talk about it with and I just really want it out of my system. Yesterday I had a friend over (albeit I don't know him that well) but we were planning on making some stuff and having a bit of whine. I think I maybe had 3 glasses? So I was tipsy, but this was shitty wine so I was not drunk. And he had the rest. To let you know what the "rest" of the wine was, he had came with a bottle of wine, he went he persuaded me to come out with him and get 2 more bottles. So I think I have half a bottle, and he had the rest. We were chatting and having a good time but at some point it was getting quite late and I wanted him out of my house, so I wanted to send him money for an Uber. This is the part that makes me uncomfortable. He had grabbed my hand and then I yanked it away, and then he pushed me down by my shoulder and grabbed the back of my neck. I pushed him off and he ended up throwing my phone a little bit away, so I tried to quickly go grab it but he kind of semi crawled on top of me, which after a second or two he got off, but all of that was genuinely so so so unsettling. In that moment where he was on top of me, the only thing I could think of was how ugly I thought he was. I should also mention that a. I don't think he would have done this if he didn't have so much wine, but I still don't like what he did. B. I am dating someone, he knows this, but was kind of invalidating it since we aren't a serious couple. C. The more wine he drunk, the more he was talking about how beautiful I was and such. God, I wish I had just thrown him out onto the street when he put his hands on me. I can't tell anyone though bc I do fully understand that this situation was my fault for letting a guy be over at my house for so long, and also he is friends with all my friends and they all like him quite a bit. Anyways just needed that off my chest.

I'm sorry this happened to you, it sounds horrifying. I'm glad you stopped it before it got worse but the achohol definitely got to him, my advice would be to cut ties with him entirely, and let him know that he messed up. It's not your fault in any way shape or form, you are the victim here. Stay safe and don't let him come near you again!

I hate to say but he is not your friend when he forced himself onto you. If he had more of a vile moral. you would have gotten raped. You should reconsider who you keep as a friend or acquaintance in your life. With that said, you are wrong to think it is your fault. It is his fault. Not yours. If you care at all to prevent this happening to anyone else!, let your friend group know. If you want to keep away, distance yourself from him and friend group (if you dont trust them). Friends are not always friend. Your (guy) friend genuinely was not a friend. I hope you sre okay. It is not your fault. Stay safe and be smart.

Just gonna say not your fault, he cant control himself, Talk with him about It so he understands IS wrong or get help