Anywho, i'm actually on here as a different name but yeah I have friends on here, who I frankly don't like knowing I write books on my laptop often. So different username and later different IP. Anyways on wards.

Uhh so I tried to take nap one day and couldn't because of my head creating this story. I'm most likely leaving this as a draft. Normally do then rewrite everything. It's sent in the England and such. Haven't completely deiced on the time frame but I leaning towards after WWI, for reasons. It's between a high end family and a the heir to the money who is middle class. The grandmother wants her granddaughter to marry the man but lets just say she's a little different and he's a little bit cruel at times.
This is all I have till writers block struck and killed me.
Well most of it... I didn't know there was a limit on characters...

The ruff sound of carriage wheels rang through the rocky path way. A young me no more the 25 sat inside the carriage looking out of the window but more out into his thoughts. His face a stern, yet he was very handsome. His hair was dark and slightly shag and his green eyes seemed to glimmer in the sunlight. He held a very strict composure though. His thoughts were on the large sum of money he just inherited from an Uncle he never meet nor had any connections to. Though this Uncle had died a few years back the family had a hard time find the correct heir. Soon the carriage came to a complete stop in front of a relatively large estate. Although it was late a butler was still waiting by the door with a footman behind him waiting for their guest. The coachmen climb down and opened the door the carriage to release the young man of his long journey to the country side and the footman came down the steps to grab the mans bags. As he stepped out of the carriage he was greeted by the Butler holding a lamp.

“I’m sure your hungry, Mr. Cross?” The elder butler asked in a deep slightly spooky voice.
“No, I stopped at the town over. I’d much rather have a bed to rest.” He said politely turning down the meal. The butler nodded and began heading towards the door.

The young man saw a shadow as the three walked down one of the dimmed hallways but brushed it off as nothing. He then heard and extra pair of footsteps traveling behind him, though the butler and the footman paid no mind to them so he figured he was just tired from his travels. The sound of something crashing to the floor and breaking rang through the hallway and only the young man seemed to notice.

“Pay no mind, it’s just the lady of the house. She tends be awake in the middle of the night.” The butler said drawing the attention away from the sound.
“Here is your room, sir. Mr. Crawford will be your personal valet for the time you are here.” The butler turned to the rather tall and handsome young man holding Mr. Cross’ bags. The butler opened the door the mans new room to reveal a large luxurious room, filled with reds and gold’s that were dimmed by the darkness of night.

“Mr. Crawford will wake your for breakfast when the sunrises. Good night.” The butler said leaving the two men behind with a lamp for the room.



A soft sound of a meow came from the large window that was covered by dark curtains. Alexander turned over in the French silk sheets and large comforter. He lifted up his head from under the goose feathered pillow when the sound of a knock at the door rang through his ears. His dark colored hair flopped down in front of his eyes as he looked about. The door to the room opened and the curtains soon followed letting in the sunrise.

“Good morning, Mr. Cross. I prepared your clothing for today.” Mr. Crawford said with a morning smile. Alexander sat up and composed himself from his morning daze and began to get ready for the day. He winced when he looked out the window to see a black cat on his window seal staring into the room with anticipation.

“I’ll show you the way to the dinning room, sir.” Mr. Crawford said with a pleasant smile as he adjusted the collar of Mr. Cross outfit. Mr. Crawford opened the door to the bedroom and waited for the guest to walk out into the hallway. Alexander kept quiet and followed the young man to the dinning hall where an old woman in a wheelchair sat at the end of the table. She had silver hair, narrow eyes that could see through any lie and as man wrinkles as a prune but she still had a beautiful glow about her as if she was a real lady. The women set down her cup of tea and looked up at the man.

“It’s a pleasure to see you arrived in one piece, I know how bumpy the roads are around here. My granddaughter will be joining us in a few. Please sit down, do tell me of your travels.” She said with a slight smile as she motioned for the footman to pull out a chair for him.

“Now I heard you are training to be a doctor?” The women started with her inquires as she normally did with most of the men who walked through the door. It was her way of figuring people out and telling if they are good enough for her granddaughter. After a few dozen questions and very bland results foot steps could be heard running towards the dinning room. The old woman sighed she knew exactly who it was.

I slender young lady with long pale hair that only the sides where pulled back into braids though a few strands where all over place. Her skin was pale and a few dirt marks here and there and her deep blue eyes stared at the two at the table as she tried to catch her breath.

“Good Morning. I’m sorry I’m late, today the swans eggs were to hatch and I had to go watch.” The young lady said with a gently curtsy.

“This is my granddaughter, Elizabeth. She is the daughter of your Uncle.” The old women said with a bit of disappointment in her voice. Alexander stood on his feet in greeted they young lady without many words and the two took their seats.

“I’m sorry for my granddaughter, she’s a bit of a free spirit. Very much like her mother.”
“No it’s fine, I’m sure my Uncle must have enjoyed it very much.” Alexander said to be polite even though he wasn’t very fond of the spirited type. Elizabeth eyes sparkled when she heard his reply and a smirk came across her face.

“I wonder if you are?” She questioned. Alexander looked up at her quickly with a decent surprise. He was most defiantly not use to women who had a sharp tongue.

“No not very much, I prefer the quiet type more.” He replied seriously. The grandmother was taken back for a moment, this was not what she wanted at all.

“Elizabeth, what have I told you about guest?” She said in a motherly tone.

“To be a proper young lady because one day this man will be my husband so we can keep your families estate.” Elizabeth spoke dully but with a playful smile. Alexander couldn’t help but smirk at this considering he already knew that, that was the old woman’s plan from the start.

“Ah so you do smile. What a crooked one at that.” The girl continued as her grandmother composed herself.

The grandmother saw a glimmer of hope in this matter. The boy did seem rather cold, if her granddaughter could make him smile more and open up maybe then could she has a chance of keeping her families wealth. The old lady set down her spoon for her morning porridge.

“Elizabeth, you will escort Mr. Cross around the estate today after breakfast.” The Grandmother said in a harsh tone as if neither of the two had a choice in the matter.

I hope English is not your mother language...

Let me try to correct all the spelling and grammar errors...

"The rough sound of carriage wheels rang out through the rocky path. A young man, no older than 25, sat inside the carriage looking out of the window. His face was stern, but yet very handsome. His hair was dark and slightly shaggy, and his green eyes glimmered in the sunlight. He held a very strict composure. His thoughts were on the large sum of money he had just iherited from an uncle he had never met, nor had any connections to. Though his uncle had died a few years back, his family had a hard time finding the correct heir. Soon the carriage came to a complete stop in front of a relitively large estate. Although it was late, a butler was still waiting by the door waith a footman behind him"...

Actually, the more i read, the more it increases my headache.

A word to the wise? Spellcheck and english generally help a story.

Also, your thoughts jump around too much. its like an ADHD squirrel wrote this while on a sugar high.

Actually, ignore most of >>2. It gets better when you inclue the dialouge. Youre a writer who works better when the characters are talking, instead of describing scenery or thoughts.

You could use a decent spell check but it was mostly good, especially for a rough draft. Try to keep your thoughts in line and don't jump all over the place. Tone down all the descriptions of everyone.

It's pretty good (better than what I read as drafts)
I wasn't paying much attention to grammar (I usually don't when i read books)
I just think that you shouldn't describe the characters too much.
Like for example - the part of the uncle's death and will as well as the introduction of Elizabeth's appearence.
Overall, it was a pretty good draft.

As for proof reading - I think should reread the story itself as proofread to yourself (out aloud is the best), and for good measure use Microsoft word to check grammar and spelling.

In any how I'll be waiting for the full story!

I think you should work on your grammar and spelling, but aside from that, it's good. I like how you went into depth with the descriptions and used some figurative language; it made it more vivid and enjoyable to read. Good luck :O