Im working on a story im hoping will work out for me. :D Ill regularly post updates of it on this thread, and would appreciate any and all feedback.

Well, here goes.



(Ten years before present day)
The cool night was permeated by the terrified wails of people. Tongues of flame lapped at several buildings and those trapped inside. People frantically darted around in fear, their movements illuminated by the hazy orange glow that was settling across the town. A few groups of people were valiantly attempting to put out the fire, without making much headway. In the middle of the chaos, a seven year old boy crouched in an alleyway, wide, terrified eyes reflecting the fire.
“Momma…” He whimpered, watching the inferno eat at his home, where his mother and younger siblings were trapped inside. Unshed tears welled up and hit the dirt of the ground, darkening the soil in small circles. “Momma…” the boy repeated.
A few blocks over, a boy no older than 14 watched the commotion with satisfaction. He loved fire; it reminded him of himself, his hair being blaze orange. “This is awesome,” he commented to the cloaked figures beside him. “Just awesome.”
“Fun has yet to begin.” The taller of the figures gestured at an incoming being, cloaked as they were. “Kill him and you’re one of us.”
Grinning maniacally, his face lit in shadows caused by the unnatural orange light, the redheaded boy knelt to draw a dagger from out the inside of his boot. He flung it at the figure and it flew straight and true. The boy grinned in satisfaction before it even hit its target.
It came to a surprise to them all when a loud clang of metal on metal signified the drawing of a large sword, and the flying dagger hitting the sword. In just that instant, this mysterious newcomer drew his sword and deflected an attack effortlessly.
“What the devil…” the ginger muttered, almost curiously. “Aw, hell.” He drew his gun out from its holster at his hip, fumbling as he attempted to aim it.
The figure continued to stalk towards him, the large sword held to his side. It reflected the light from the flaming houses, and seemed to be on fire itself. “You’re new recruit is an idiot.” He called out. The ginger froze when he heard his two partners behind him laugh.
“You set me up.” He accused hoarsely, his hands shaking. He dropped the gun and it hit the ground with a thump.
The boy from the alleyway watched with dull interest. He had seen the lone cloaked figure walking through the burning town purposely, as if on a hunt. Since the little boy decided that the man was more interesting than watching the remains of his home and his family turn to charred dust, he had followed.
He felt bad for the boy when he dropped his gun. He hadn’t seen much violence in his little life, but even at his age he knew that dropping the gun wasn’t a good thing. The shrouded figure prowled towards the redheaded boy leisurely, as if walking in the park.
A large family ran right in front of him, screaming and crying, and he didn’t see what came next.
When the family passed, the cloaked figure stood above the bloodied bodies of all of his three opponents, his sword stuck in the ground and he inspected a small tear in his cloak and mumbled to himself. He suddenly looked up, his eyes catching the boy’s. He stumbled backwards in fear.
The stranger slid the sword into its sheath in his back and moved towards the boy. He trembled. “Hey, kid. What’s your name?”
The nameless boy shook his head in fear. “D-don’t kill m-me..” he stuttered, his voice a squeak.
The stranger paused and seemed to consider the small boy’s plea. “Okay. I won’t.” Another pause. “Did your family die in the fire?” When the boy nodded slowly, the man seemed to perk up. “How old are you, kiddo?”
“S-seven…” Answered the child, now more curious than scared.
“I’m sixteen. Hey… I’m making me a little club. You seem like just the kind of guy I’m looking for. Want to stick with me?”
The boy shuddered nervously. “Um…”
The stranger smiled. “You get to pick your own name. And I’ll teach you how to use one of these.” He popped his sword a little way out of its sheath for emphasis.
“You will? My own name?” The boy perked up.
“Of course! Hey, my name is Michio. What do you want yours to be?” He leaned down to pick the boy up, cradling him gently against his side.
The boy clung to Michio like a life raft. “Xavier.” He answered, his mind going out to his two year old brother who had been stuck in the house with his mother.
“Xavier it is. Welcome to the Watchers, kiddo.”
The two calmly walked down the chaotic streets lined with death and fire, and vanished into the shadows lining the outskirts of the small town.

I basically like it. ~ I'm curious how will it develop from now on.

Anyway, one thing: “You’re new recruit is an idiot.”... Sorry, english is not my first language, but I'm pretty sure that this sentence is wrong..... Or I can't extract a single information.

I think is that. ~

Thank you for pointing that sentace out..! I used the wrong form of "Your", that may be why it confuses you. Thank you for your feedback! :)

Nae, why are you so awesome?
Give me more.
Only one thing for me to nitpick at, try not to use the ambiguous "he" when multiple characters are involved.

the cloaked figure stood above the bloodied bodies of all of his three opponents, his sword stuck in the ground and he inspected a small tear in his cloak and mumbled to himself. He suddenly looked up, his eyes catching the boy’s. He stumbled backwards in fear.
I read that last sentence with he as the cloaked guy at first, I had to go back and reread it.
Otherwise, it's awesome!

>>4 Yeah, i need help with finding better words.. XD Thank you! I WILL POST MOAR SOON!

So. Im sorry ive forgotten to post. I lost the flashdrive that i had this saved on.... WELL, i found it. So, you gets moar.

Six years before present day)
The loud clang of swords echoed through the hills on the outskirts of a ghost town. Two cloaked figures jumped apart from the intense impact of their swords meeting. The larger of the two figures held a huge double handed claymore, starting to show its age in a dull edge and several nicks. The other was holding two thin black twin swords, held with the blades going back.
“Michio, you’re getting old,” taunted the one with the dual swords. “Can't keep up with me anymore.”
Michio snarled and came at his opponent with his sword raised at an angle. “Watch me, Xavier.” His sword arched through the air, screeching as it collided with Xavier’s. Xavier had staggered and been forced into a crouch by the strength of Michio’s attack, his swords raised above his head on an X to ward off the attack.
Michio lurched backwards as Xavier sprang up, his swords almost but not quite slamming their flat sides into his side. Michio barely had enough time to block his next attack, a stealthy blow aimed at his chest.
They were both panting lightly as they drew apart and circled each other warily. Occasionally one of them attempted a half-hearted blow, which the other easily deflected. Michio noticed Xavier growing more tired them he was, his swords dangling loosely off to his sides. He saw the opening, and he took it.
With a yell, Michio ran at Xavier, his sword tip pointed directly at his chest. Xavier dropped low and spun, using one sword to block Michio’s attack and pressed the sharp edge of the other to his neck.
Michio swore, and Xavier laughed. “I win.” He gloated, straightening up to sheath his swords.
Michio sheathed his sword as well and ruffled Xavier’s hair. “Kiddo, you’re too young to kick my ass.” When Xavier broke into laughter, Michio shook his head. “No, seriously. You’re what now, eleven?” Xavier nodded. “Gah!” Cried Michio, “I’m going senile or such!”
Xavier laughed again and started heading back towards the ghost town. “Naw, Michio. You’re just crazy.”
“Id drink to that.” Laughed Michio, following the boy.
The town was old and many of the buildings were crumbling in places. A few kids, other members of the Watchers lazed around, hanging out in empty doorways or polishing their various weapons. An eight year old boy ran up to Xavier an Michio as soon as they were spotted.
“Hey, mister Xavier.” The boy said loudly. “There’s three new people in Tikki’s house.” Tikki’s house was basically the jail and waiting area for those who hoped to join.
“Thanks!” replied Xavier. The boy held his oversized baseball cap on his head as he ran off to his friends. His pants fell down and he tripped, inviting enthusiastic peals of laughter from a small group of boys.
Xavier and Michio made their way towards Tikki’s place. “Why do they assume I lead them?” Xavier asked Michio. “You do, not me.”
Michio laughed. “You do, kiddo. You’re close to their ages and a good fighter. They respect you. Their afraid of good ol’ me, though.” He laughed again as he ducked through the doorway of what used to be the police house of the town.
“Tikki?” They both called out.
“Over here, guys.” A low, gravelly voice called back to them.
They turned the corner to see Tikki sitting in her chair, reading a book upside down. Tikki was two years older than Xavier but sounded, and sometimes looked, like an old man. Like Xavier, her town had been set on fire as well, but she had been trapped inside of her house. She managed to crawl out in time to save herself, but her body was burned and scarred beyond any sort of help. Over half of her head was burn scars, not allowing hair to grow back. The skin had healed grotesquely over her right eye.
Behind Tikki stood a girl that couldn’t be much older than Xavier. Her striking blue hair seemed to be the only color in the room that wasn’t a dull gray or brown. She was looking at the book intently over Tikki’s shoulder when they had arrived, but now she was looking up at them curiously.
“You lead them?” Her question was directed at Michio.
Although his face was covered in shadow from the hood of his cloak, she could feel him smile. “Naw. You’re lookin’ for my buddy here, Xavier.” He clasped Xavier’s shoulder and squeezed in encouragingly.
“Err, yeah. That’s me.” She eyed him skeptically. “So, what brings you here?” he asked her, more sure of himself.
“Isn’t that obvious?” she said sarcastically, at the same time a voice behind her said, “We want to join you.” A little blonde girl peeked out from behind the blue haired girl. She was cradling a small boy who seemed very interested in the older girl’s hair, constantly echoing the word blue.
“Um, what are your names?” He inquired further.
“Xena. I’m 10.” She answered coolly. “Rosa is 9. Oswald is 4, almost five.”
“You’ll have to change your names, but-“ he started, Xena interrupting him.
“We already have.” She grinned at him, relaxing a bit. She tucked a few stray hairs behind her ears when Oswald reached up out of Rosa’s grip to grab them.
“Um, okay then.” He could feel Michio holding back a laugh at his terrible first performance as official leader. Usually Michio handled all of these things. “Err, welcome to the Watchers.”
Xena opened her mouth, probably to be sarcastic, and Rosa jabbed her in the side to shut her up. “Thank you.” Xena smiled over sweetly.

Make a google doc and add me. It's easy, it'll take about five minutes.

Make a whatta-what?

Im technologically impaired, woman. I can barely turn on the computer without turning it into an explosive.

Never mind, just realized you don't have a google account. I'm not sure if you can make one without one. So...if you ever decide to make a google account I'll explain it then.

Basically, it let's you post documents online (they can be private) and invite other people to look at them and make comments and such. I think I invited you to look at mine awhile ago.

Ohhhh..... Ill nod and pretend i understand. -Commences bobblehead motion-

A little more for my one fan, Anubis? :D

“…And this is the hospital.” Xavier gestured at one of the largest and most preserved buildings in the town. “Its currently run by Mari.” A petite girl walked out from the front of the building when she spotted them.
“Hey there, Xavier.” She said warmly. “And hi, Michio. Newcomers?”
“Yeah.” Answered Michio. He walked over to her and started talking in hushed tones, waving at Xavier to signify that he should continue with the tour.
Xena kicked at the dirt while they walked down the street, occasionally asking questions. “How old are you?”
“Eleven.” He replied as he pointed out the dining hall. A few kids lurked around outside, stealing food from the pantries inside.
“Oh.” She fell silent again.
Rosa walked a little way behind them, repeating everything Xavier said in sugary sweet tones to Oswald. “..And look! That’s the dining hall. It’s like the kitchen back at our house. That’s where the food is.”
They drew to a halt in front of a school building, built with graying bricks. Ivy and moss crawled up the sides of the building and the surrounding trees. They had converted the smaller classrooms into bedrooms and the larger rooms into shared closets.
“You guys can pick a room to sleep in here, for now. If you prove to have any useful talents, you’ll earn your own house…” He repeated what he had heard Michio say a thousand times, and trailed off when Xena shot him a skeptical look. He mirrored her look and nearly laughed when she looked surprised.
“Okay! Could you show us the available rooms, please?” Rosa asked politely. Oswald mumbled something that sounded like ‘please’.
“Oh, of course, I guess, if you want.” He stuttered. He wasn’t used to doing things without Michio. He was going to kill him for leaving him on his own with this. “Anyway, follow me!” He led them towards the slightly rusted metal doors of the huge building.