I have just graduated from university. I actually had a really good experience there. I met some really cool people and I didnt finish with a terrible grade, and I thought i did well. Unfortunately for the past five years even some time before university I was preparing to apply to this one uni for my Master's degree which I got rejected from. That devastated me, and even though I applied to other universities I have always wanted to go to a really, really good university. I went to a good university for my bachelor's, but for my masters I wanted to go to a top 5 global uni for my degree. I know it sounds silly but I thought there was a chance for me to get in. I know 2 - 3 people who got into the university as well for the subject I wanted to study and they all have me tips on how to refine my application. And it was for nothing. I want to reapply next year maybe. Thats not the main issue though. Its that in order for me to reapply I have to deal with my family. Nobody in my family understands I think why I am so keen on going to a top university and they want me to go to this uni (even though they say they aren't trying to push it on me) that is in the middle of nowhere, and technically is an extension of the uni i did my bachelor's in, but its still in not the most central place and the degree is a bit niche. I think im fine going there so long as it takes care of my family's comments about the fact that I was studying abroad and I should go back home (I was an international student, this uni is in my home country). My mom keeps on saying that I need to "get back to reality". By that she means be real and stop thinking about going somewhere better. But I cant help it. For me it is my only goal in life to be really good at what I do, and to be recognized for it. I have decided to put aside prioritizing meeting a spouse, having children, i have moved half way across the world. I plan to if I have my way be moving around and studying for at least the next 6 years. Maybe more. There's a whole world out there, why exactly should I be trapped? I am afraid that if I got to a uni that isnt that good I will be trapped in a career in a country that I dont really like. I dont want to spend my life like that. If I wanted to be doing something I didnt like being paid as little as possible (minimum wage in my country is 3 dollars) and kissing ass, I would have. I could have done that, and i still have to kiss ass a bit but at least I can have a future and have more options if I leave. She tells me I can have everything be perfect, why not? I see my friends, who all are going to world leading unis, I see their families who are well taken care of and proud of them, and happy and healthy, i see their beautiful homes and their family dinners and their beautiful and kind partners. I see their accomplishments. It is perfect they are happy and blessed why shouldn't I be trying for that? I have sacrificed so much already; so why cant I even have half of what they do? And even if I cant have what they do, why cant i try? I dont know how this will all sound to whoever is reading this but this all has driven me half mad and I have no one to talk to about. I think, overall I just dont want to go home. It feels like I have failed already. My lease ends soon and I have to go back home in a week or so, and i hate that. I went to my good university and met wonderful people and had a bit of a taste of sucess and progress and now I have to pack it all up in a 23 kg suitcase and leave. I knew that I would have to leave I knew what I was signing up for but as silly as it sounds I dont think ive had a rejection like this before. I dont really see a point in living if I cannot be in the pursuit of making it perfect, of hopefully in the future having my hat in the ring for making the world a little better. And I am definitely not one for cages. I dont want to be trapped. I think it might kill me. I want the world because I am in love with it, why should I stop wanting to go see more of it? Studying and giving so much up for so long might kill me too but at least thats MY choice. It would be an honor. I know I sound mad and like I said earlier I think this has all driven me half mad. Its weird seeing it all written out. I think I just wanted to put it somewhere. Thanks for reading and may god bless you and all your endeavors.

P.S. this all probably sounds heavily pretentious so forgive me for for that please. I cant help it being a bit sentimental and a little odd right now.