I really hate going home for the holidays. As a consequence, I also dont like the holiday season in general. I dont like it because I have to be around ny family, of which the worst of them is definitely my mother. She is the most severe and intense person I think to have ever walked the Earth. She switches from being the doting, sweet, loving, patient, forgiving parent to a harsh, unforgiving, angry, cynical, abrupt woman all in a split second. It is always so jarring when she switches. I know she probably has a disorder of some sort but she refuses to see a psychologist so we all pretty much have to live it it. Especially me, her only daughter, and I feel a bit that she targets me specifically. She somehow manages to hold me accountable for anything that has gone wrong (including anything that is wrong with my brothers), while simultaneously treating me like a stupid child that is completely incapable of understanding the world. I think that the worst part is the screaming. She yells at all of us, and she yells and yells and yells until her voice is soar and it comes out as a rasp. When she cant be loud with her voice, thats when she starts to slam things, with the sole purpose of striking fear into whoever she's talking to. I cant really complain, it used to be so much worse, especially for me. In that regard its gotten better, and hopefully ill just be home for two weeks before I go back. She did kick me a few months ago, pretty much on a whim, she gave no reason just started yelling "get the fuck out, get the fuck out of my house, I am livid, I am livid". She then brought me back in but its really scary bc when we asked her about it later she just said that she put me in "time out". She's in one of those awful moods right now, and im scared she will do that again or she will check my phone. There is nothing bad on my phone except for my messages with my friends, which aren't bad either, she just hates when I talk more with my friends than my family. I hate it. I hate being watched and I hate her watching me. I want to leave so bad, get gone properly, but i cant. Not right now, and I hope that when I do, despite all of this, god willing, I can leave on good terms, and there will be no bad blood. I hate going back to my family for the holidays becuase its never what it should be. I hope for you however, my dear reader, that the holidays are full of joy and genuine laughter for you. If you have a loved one or friend you are grateful for, who loved you wholly; give them a big hug and tell them. I love my family, regardless, and I wish I could do that, to hug them and tell them how they have helped me and how good they make me feel, because I would be lying, and God hates liars. So I will just simply tell them I love them, and I want them to be well, and that I am grateful they let me be in their life. I hope you will have a wonderful holiday season, God bless you all <3