The most straight forward way of thinking of explaining this is hat I put myself in a horrible position. I can't even bring myself to blame anyone else because I decided to keep going without complete assurance that my efforts would prove fruitful. Now I feel like I need to make a decision. 1. I trust that there is a method that gets me the money I need to fix this situation and acquire the means to use the money effectively. 2. I go down a less than legal route to obtain the funds and subsequently the money to handle this issue. 3. I call it quits.(As encompassing as that statement can be.)

I have no clue what to do anymore and I terrified.

1. I know you'll maybe get this too late but i'm hoping that your situation has gotten better than before. 2. I understand that feeling the pressure can be suffocating but even in the lowest of points there are others you can reach out for, even if you can't see them someone will reach out for you too. 3. I hope you didn't do the last thing you thought about, please keep fighting, you are strong enough and the world needs you in it.

I was right there however, something stopped me. I'm trying to figure out now if it was worth it.

You should fucking kill yourself. You're a pathetic loser and nobody loves you fr. You bitch about your problems online? You're a fucking clown. You make bad choices, and then you have the audacity to whine about the consequences of those choices? You're actually sad, and nobody is going to help you.

Keep at it bonedick, you're the top guilty one here.