This is a rant post, just need to get this stuff off of my chest. Going to meet the children of my god father later today, who I've met before but only when I was really little. I'm going to meet them with my whole family (my parents and siblings) but I really dont want to meet them. My god siblings are excellent people, and I would like to talk to them but my family is just so weird it gets awkward when trying to talk to them. I think I'm relatively decent but who knows, maybe I'm weird as hell as well and havent gotten the full picture. I'm not sure if this makes any sense, but an example is that my god sister is studying to be a doctor, my god brother is an engineer in the UK and the other one is graduated from Yale. I go to a uni in the UK and I think I study psych (hopefully in a few years neuroscience) but one of my brothers got kicked out of uni this fall bc of a failed resit, and somehow still has a weird complex (he is also autistic and depressed so he REALLY can't talk to people well- says he "hates small talk" and his go to for any conversation is: "what do you know about philosophy") and my other brother is ok, but he acts like he just doesn't give a fuck half the time, and can't be bothered to talk to people and it's embarrassing going out with them bc they don't know how normal people talk. It's just so humiliating among other things, such as I myself aren't very good with making conversation past "how do you find uni?" And that my parents and my got siblings all speak a 3 languages fluently, and I don't speak 1 of them well (their language of choice). It's always a bit degrading asking we can speak in English or if they can repeat something. I truly am trying to get better at that language but it's slow. In addition, bc of weird social norms in my family/country, I can't bring much else up other than uni. I can't connect with these people like in a normal setting and can't talk about things like things going on in my life which might actually be able to start a conversation. I want to meet them and make a good impression and not seem totally socially awful but with my family there with me that becomes sooooo difficult. So idk if I really want to meet them. For god's sake I'm in uni and there are still people I am meeting for the first time in my family. Unbelievable. Send your thoughts and prayers please, I'll need them