so, i went to my boyfriends house today and i made it clear to him that we were to not do anything sexual that day, and we'd have solely a huge cuddle/movie day. But over time while we were watching the first saw movie he'd touch my butt and etc, i didnt mind, but every now hed ask to pause the movie for a makeout session and id say no and to watch the movie (as makeout sessions lead to other things) eventually, we did makeout and he kept making 'jokes' about me to suck his pp, then id be like no lol and hed say hes joking, etec etc i told him id only touch it but not suck it, to which he complied with, for a couple minutes, then he asked me to suck it, and i wasnt sure at first but i tried and then after a little bit i said "i dont think i want to do this anymore" and he asked why and i was like idk and he was like "but, i enjoy it" so i continued... anyways afterwards he was sad and told me he felt guilty and felt like he forced me into it, and i hugged him and cuddled him and told him i loved him alot and its ok, anyways hes texting me now and he said 'i feel like i forced you to do that stuff and its messing with me' and i just said hugs and he changed the subject about his mom. anyways i feel like I'm overthinking things.

This seems pretty normal to me - but where it leans on the spectrum of right and wrong seems really unclear.

Obviously your both attracted to each other - and enjoy each other's company.

And exactly what you thought would happen, happened. Makeout lead to other things.. However - the both of you need to commit to a conscious choice, and perhaps plan more for what to do when you spend time together.

what you're describing, is very common foreplay for certain couples. The reluctant pleaser. Some guys are turned on by it, more than just the act itself.

If you two feel good in those shoes, then wear them. The whole guilt of coercion is part of it. And for a point of self confidence, The guy will always want to be reassured, after the fact, that you wanted to please him without his plead for it.

However, if you do actually feel Used - then you have to tell him that. There is nothing wrong with setting a clear boundary. If he is graceful at least to leave it up to you when sexual acts will occur - then I'd say take the reigns. Give him some time to readjust, cause he might be annoyed if you put your foot down, but thats just the horny talking. He'll get over it.

The best thing you can do is to refocus your attention in a relationship. Sex will always be there, most people like it by default, it's easy and fun - but there's so much more to you two as people, and more together.

So explore that too. Think of something to give him that will brighten your time together, other than touching/kissing. Take him out for a walk if he's too raudy hehe.

The main idea here is, no I don't think you were 100% coerced. But no less than 50% coerced. It's easy for a guy to let himself fall into a pattern of sexual thought. But the real guilt will come when it's habitual, and the time you spend together will lack substance and meaning. The opportunity will always be there for sex, so long as you're true and good to each other.

Plus you can basically train these types of guys like dogs. If you are doing something for him that you get no pleasure out of - make the boy work for it. Not fair to you if he's the only one benefiting. Most guys out here will clean a whole house for a kiss on the pp - that will obsolve his guilt lol. Because on the other side of it - he wants to please you as much as he wants to be pleased. Just what he wants has a mind of its own and the intensity of that takes over. The guilt may be coming from that ---

However - this is still dangerous ground. Because if you two can't identify and delegate your needs for each other - when you say no and really REALLY mean it - it will be overlooked. Understand? So that's why I keep stressing to communicate about that boundary if you must set it.

So when he feels that way, the guilt, the hope is that you were happy to do it, even though what lead to it with a lot of 'no no no' - there must be something that will let him know you are 100% serious about the first No. A Safeword is a good thing to have for this very thing.

A safeword is sometimes necessary to establish mutual respect and understanding. (Its not just for when the ropes start hurting.) It takes precedence over all. And both parties must adhere to its rule set. If your safeword means stop, then it must stop.

And both of you must consciously shift gears. Going back to the movie will not suffice - both of you will just be thinking about it the rest of the film. You must guide that energy into a different activity. Immerse yourselves together into something else exciting, and eventually, all that sexual energy that builds up when your together will flow more easily, and allow a much more full and vibrant experience.

Also - If you establish this, it will be a pretty clear picture of how much he really respects you as a person. If he can't take you seriously and the pleading continues after you declare your safeword - then you have to let him suffer and let him know you deserve respect too.

thank you very much, i will keep all of your words in mind, i really needed for stuff like this to be said to me and im glad somebody could do that for me, i am going to be setting boundaries with him about stuff from now on and take the going on a walk idea to mind too :)