I don't feel anything. Even when my parents died, I didn't cry not even a single tear Since my mother passed away this way, I no longer taste food, nor even feel cold But when my father died, I felt joy And now I'm pretending I'm fine and acting Whatever normal people act

"and now I'm pretending I'm fine" so you acknowledge that there is something wrong, that you are not fine, maybe feeling a bit sad? If so, then you can still feel something which is a good sign. You haven't yet lost hope of life. It's ok not to be part of what is normal, each of us have our own methods and processes of how to deal and live life. It's ok not to be fine and feel down and hopeless, we all at certain point is bound to experience a fall. As SH once said to Dr.Watson "I am falling in a bottomless pit and is still falling". It is fine, to ask someone for help or even possible save you from continuously falling but you have to acknowledge and take initiative to seek help. As Dean Winchester once said "You just have to ask us", ask your friends or anyone who you can depend on for a while until you recover.

I am totally not in any position to tell you what to do or this since I am an outsider and does not know the full story but I am still taking this bold chance to give advise to mean well. I hope you recover, just ask your friends for a bit help "after all that is what friends for, to pick you up when you are shit" -a friend of mine told me that when I was feeling down lol