So today I just left a high school graduation party and as soon as I did, I was really pissed at myself. Even though I was hot and sweaty and tired, I didn’t spend as much time with the few friends I had as I could. And I’m really worried this might be the last time I can see them properly.

You see, I have this problem with hanging out with people. I generally have this thing where I need a reason to hang out with/be near people, like a professional reason. I can’t just be around people for the sake of just being around them because I feel super awkward.

I think this stems from a thing of mine where I choose all my friends as potential romantic partners, because I would only ever go out with someone who was my friend (although I’ve never had a serious relationship). I’m bi curious, and I only have two friends with whom I’m super close with, although I’m afraid we’re already drifting apart now that high school is over. One’s a girl the other is a gay guy. I think I have this fear that any action I take to hang out with them will be perceived as a romantic advance, so I make sure I have a really obvious reason to hang out with them. I did have a crush on the girl for a long while, and I wondered about the guy too. The girl rejected the one advance I did make, and my gay friend never showed any interest in me, though. And right now I just want to preserve our friendship above all else. I’m so afraid that I’m going to lose them, and that this short graduation party will be the last time I see them because I can’t find a good reason to hang out with them again.

I’ve given up finding romantic love before college, but this platonic love I’ve got for them is something I treasure a lot, and its probably the deepest non-familial relationship I’ve got. I wonder if my concepts of romantic vs platonic love are just screwed up. I mean, love is one of the things I want more desperately than anything else. What if I’m just blurring those lines to satisfy myself?

And sometimes I worry that they don’t even care about me platonically as much as I care about them…because they mean the world to me. And its fine if they don’t, they’re not obligated to. But it makes me sad to think that not even the most basic of platonic love I have is reciprocal.

Is my fear something normal? Do you guys have any ideas what I should do?

I think with platonic love, you mean a platonic friendship, right? Because showing your love platonically would result in them being thrown off.
If you just want to persevere your relationship, I don't think you have to worry about anything. Requiring a reason to hang out with someone is nothing you should do, is it? Because if "i want to hang out" is not enough to you, then how can you consider it a friendship? If you need a reason like doing homework or a birthday, it is a symbiosis and nothing more.
Without you making a physical approach, the two of them shouldn't worry too much, right? It might seem out of character to just meet up, but I am sure that if you explain the situation to them, they'll understand. Honestly, a lot of the problems people have can be solved by simply talking about them with the people they concern.

Dear Sunny,
Don't worry it will be okay. From what you said it sounds like the three of you really get along and even if your drifting things should still be salvageable. As Shinattha said you really don't need any reason to hang out just call them up to chill or play games or watch something or whatever . This will alaos help bring you and your friends closer together. If your worried about it looking like romantic advances then at first just arrange hang outs with multiple people and also it really wont unless your making physical moves or dropping cheesey pick up lines ( and sometimes u can do those with your friends non seriously anyway) don't worry about it try your best and be the initiator and things will work out fine
-Kuronaii~☆