Are there such things as bad parents? Is it okay for a child to not like their own parents? I know that in many cultures and society that we are taught to love and respect our parents no matter what. We are all taught that family is an important thing and that you should always cherish them.

But is it okay to hate your family, namely your parents? In the media, the only reason why most people would hate their parents is if they physically or sexually abuse their child(ren). But then there are those who are abused emotionally and mentally. For example, rejecting, isolation, corrupting, terrorizing, pressure, etc. I've asked some people (namely adults, as in those over twenty) about this without the word abuse. Ex: "How do you feel when parents pressure their child?" or "Do you think it's cool that they call their kid that (no good brat)?" This is just one example. They would respond with, "They just want the best for their child." or "It's all for the best."

But is it really? I mean, the child may not have physical wounds, but he or she will surely have emotional ones. Even if they don't hit their child, is it still okay to verbally abuse them? Or ignore them? Under anger or rage, a parent may say horrible things to their child, and people would brush it off as the parent being plain stressful and tired. But what about the child? Even if the anger was just for a minute, that may not be something they can ever forget. It might even haunt them for the rest of their lives. This also applies under living environment. Under an environment where the child may grow up nicely. They have a roof over their heads, a clean home, food in the stomachs, etc. People would usually just think that the parents are being a bit strict with their child. Put it under a different environment, like alcoholic parent(s), terrible home, bruises and scars, etc., people would believe that the child is definitely being abused.

I'm just wondering, that is all, if there are such things as bad parents or parenting, how would you know? Can you tell they are being abused, even if they come from a good background? And is it okay for the child to hate their own parent, even if they were taught to love them? This is also applies to children of all ages; someone as young as five to even a twenty-year old.

Thank you for answering.

A better way to look at it is; What is good parenting? One thing people don't realize is that children are very individualistic and have different responses to things. If my child won't pay any attention to what I;m saying unless I do it in a certain way, then I'll have to do it that way. Not saying verbal abuse is to be tolerated, but of a parent is shouting or taking an aggressive tone, then that just may be the most effective way to get their child to respond in the way the parent wants them to, just the same as if using a calm ttone works more effectively for another child

I know this isn't the traditional philosophical question we're all used to being on Main, but I honestly want to know your answers because I think parents get criticized too much just because people don't agree with their practices.

Which isn't really fair, right? There's a fine line between abuse and taking the belt to your kid. In my family, it straightens a kid up, but sometimes it can be taken too far if the parent is too angry. For example, my dad tried choking me once, and of course, that's bad parenting.

Then there's the crying baby situation.

You and your family FINALLY have time after busy weekdays at work, and many sleep deprived nights, to just sit down at your favorite restraint and eat. No preparing, no cooking, no washing dirty dishes afterwards; a very small, but well-deserved and needed break. You get ready, you drive there for lunch you sit down, you've JUST ordered, aaand-

The baby's crying. Like she's/he's done every night for several weeks now. You just want to eat your nice warm lunch.

The food arrives. People are starting to stare. You hear the hushed complaints and Tsk!, as well as the not so hushed complaints.

The baby is still crying; complaints increase and so do the glares.
It's a /baby/ though, and it needs to learn to stop crying to get whatever it wants. And you know what it wants. It's already been fed, it has a clean diaper, and no fever. It wants out of the chair. It wants you to pick them up AND walk around for an hour until it's satisfied.

You try to hush the baby, but in your failed attempts you say "fuck it" and decide to dig in and deal with the child later.


This isn't neglect. And I don't see it as bad parenting either, because at times you will HAVE to ignore your baby so that they won't grow up spoiled and cry about EVERYTHING.

However, was it right to stay in the restaurant?

What if in a different situation? A baby or toddler on a plane? Should babies and toddlers never be on planes? Even if it's a single mother/father without nearby relatives, and this is a trip they MUST make?

>>3 >It's a /baby/ though, and it needs to learn to stop crying to get whatever it wants

I've heard a different perspective on this. In more traditional tribes, where parenting was more of a group thing, the baby was constantly attended by someone. If they were unhappy, there was someone there at all times to walk them around or do something with them. It's mainly because the parent doesn't have to do it all the time. The entire village pitched in.

However, I think this may apply mainly to babies. In those same tribes, it's not as if they gave the kid everything they asked for. But I think that is the key. If the kid is old enough to speak, and they ask for something and don't get it, you shouldn't give it to them just because they start crying.

So, does that mean we're doing it wrong? I don't think so. I think this just shows that it's not necessarily detrimental to the child's health if, as a baby, they are immediately attended to when they cry. As long as you teach them when they can understand words why that won't work anymore, I think it's okay.

The bigger issue I think is people's attitude towards parents. That hushed complaints crowd you mentioned. Frankly, those people have no idea what it's like to raise a kid. Those are the only people that are like that. Same thing when you punish a kid or say something too stern. Those people that don't have kids will pipe up and say something, and people that do won't.

If a kid is crying and the parents aren't doing anything, fuck it. I am certainly not going to blame them for not dropping everything and quieting them down. I think it's pretty limiting to expect a parent to leave wherever they are whenever their kid starts crying, unless it is something that specifically demands attention like a movie, meditation, etc. But something like a restaurant, I say "Fuck it".

It's a little complicated. Each extreme is not correct (both ignore them completely and treat them like adults right away and give them everything they ask for because they're kids). I think it can be up to the parents. They may not have the best approach, but you can't optimize everything. You certainly don't have a fucking clue either, if you've never had kids, and even if you have you haven't had their kids.

I'm not 100% sure where I stand. I do think people need to be a little more tolerant of kids acting up and not blame it on their parents 100% of the time, like what seems to happen. I also think parents could improve the care they take in explaining basic concepts to their kids. Sometimes I think some parents were never kids or have completely forgotten what it was like to be a kid. I only hope I don't.

My parents are absolutely worthless. I hate the both of them. My mother lied to the rest of my fmaily in an attempt to have me cut off from everything. She's done hard drugs around me. She has put me down at every turn for what I have tried to do. She is a horrible person. My father threatened me, put me down insistently, tried to force silly ideologies on me, etcetera. Yes. It's perfectly okay to not only not like your parents, but to despise them.

Bad parenting is defined as a few thhings. I'll list some here.

1. Parents who try to force their children to have a closed, bigoted mind. Religion is the most common form of this. It's an evil practice that poisons young, vulnerable minds.

2. Parents who discourage expression. Any art discouragement from a parent makes them a bad parent (so long as it is not disruptive of course). Don't draw, don't sing, don't learn, don't try, don't dye your hair, don't wear this, don't listen to this. Anything that defines a person's character being inhibited by their parent makes the parent bad. Whether they like it or not, the child will be their own person. There's absolutely no changing that. Being against their expression will only mentally harm the child.

3. Bullies. Raising voices, passive aggressiveness and even physical abuse are all common issues with parents that do scar children.

>>5
I know everyone's allowed their opinions, but I just want to give my two cents. I was raised in a Christian household and the practice always gave me strength and made me feel sheltered. There have been times after my parents split that my father became "over-religious", and those conversations were Hell...

But my mother, before a difficult interview sent me these scriptures in an email...

"Baby Girl, God knows you personally.
He knew you before you were born - He himself knitted you together in my womb. You were "fearfully and wonderfully made!" (Read all of Psalm 139)
OH, the plans He has for you; "plans to give you a hope and a future, and not to harm you." (Jeremiah 29:11)
That you have faults? Of course He knows that! But His grace is sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9) He will help you deal with that and overcome all of it. Because, through Christ, you are more than a conqueror! (Romans 8:37) What does that mean? Well, in the worldly sense there are "winners" who are in fact quite lost. (Can you say Donald Trump?) But you will win the battle on a spiritual plane and, in that sense, you will emerge more than "merely" victorious! You'll find true success when you're carrying out God's will for your life.

Oooh, I'm just all tingly with excitement for you! "You've got a head on your shoulders and feet in your shoes. You'll be a success in whatever you choose!" And, yes, only your Mom can quote holy scripture and Dr. Seuss in the same letter!

God bless you, My Precious! I'm here for you now and until the end of days!
~~Mom"

For her, the Bible is a means of expressing your love and encouragement, and wrapping a blanket of protection over someone. That's how growing up in a Christian household should be, and I intend it for my children.

Really depends on the kind of parenting I think... For example, I'm taught to be appreciative of everything they've already provided. But at the same time, there's a lot of guilt if I can't meet their standards. When I do meet their standards, it is already expected of me (anything less is considered a failure). Coming back to the topic (sorry for rambling), I think parents who provide for their children deserve some respect, but their methods of 'discipline' or suppression are probably sometimes worthy of hate.

>>7 May I ask how old are you?

To be honest, this sort of thread is supposed to be towards the older members who have already moved out of their parents home; hindsight is 20/20 after all.

I've always thought that there needs to be a balance of discipline and praise when raising a kid, even if giving their all is expected of them. You have to know that you're proud of the fruits they have reaped from their work and and encourage them to continue.

True, some methods are harmful and make he kids hate their parents, but this is for the most part temporary, and you see later on how it was good for you.

Doing chores for example; I wish I had t fought tooth and nail against doing them, because now I can't keep any space of mine clean to save my life. But at the same time, I fought tooth and nail against it because of how my dad would never tell me I did a good job, only what I messed up in.

On the other hand, my mom's father had that same kind of attitude and she grew up marvelously. (Shrugs) Sometimes it works, I guess.

Yes. It's a yes or no question, I don't see why the above answers are so long.

>>9 That's just your opinion, though. Others here believe there is some nuance to this topic, that it isn't black and white. I agree with you, though.

>>10
>That's just your opinion, though.

Is this whole thread not full of people's opinions?

I don't belive in parenting , when the child is under 12 or even 10 maybe he will follow what his parents say , but after that he will grow up and grow his own personality he will do what he want to not what his parents want .

also yea a child is free to Hate or love His parents duo to their actions , some parents might not listen to what their opinions or see the things only from their side not the child one .

>>10>>11 Guys, stop. NZ was just baiting. It's stupid to enter a discussion with a "yes or no"; they were just making an ass out of themselves as usual. You guys took the bait, and now you're derailing the discussion.

(i like reading the replies, can i bump? well i did...)

There can be bad parents. I specifically was (mostly) effected mentally and emotionally. Yes I get what you're saying, but some don't want that child to begin with. I'm an accident of course. And it's the law to be responsible for your child. I'm nothing that my father wants especially, and he's made that clear for years

>>13 No, seriously, why the fuck are the answers so long, I don't even want to read them

I definitely believe that some people do not parent well. I believe that to be a good parent you need to be an adult. When I say adult, I refer to an individual who understands that what they do has consequences and that only they are responsible for these consequences. That being said I have known people to grow into their adulthood because of having to raise a child but I do not think that is fair to the child. Of course, it's a case by case issue. We can't just blanket what is right and what is wrong because so many different cultures have used different practices to raise a child. The only core motif I can decipher about good parenting is the will to see this child succeed where the previous generation has failed. It's why you tell your child bedtime stories about heroes. We want them growing up to create a wonderful world and a better world. I think that bad parenting happens when a parent tries to restrain the child's future and their skills. Forcing a child to never paint it is something they love to do is bad parenting because it teaches a child not to develop their skills in an enjoyable way, artistic and otherwise. Likewise, letting a child run amok in a Super Market without discipline will teach a child that there are no consequences to their actions and that can hinder them later in life when they must learn to face consequences alone. It's a giant balancing act and one of the most difficult I can imagine. Personally, I envy the parental skills of my parents and other good parents like them.

As for how we should deal with bad parents, well, that's a whole new discussion.

Considering all of these teenage parents in our current society, we're going to have a lot more shitty children hating their shitty parents.
Our society doesnt suit teen parents like it used to.