1 Name: meh.. : 2016-12-08 00:23 ID:Eba0uj9a [Del]
I look all around but all I see is white. The world is drained of color as we sang to the beat of broken hearts, lost in our shattered dreams we were once so close but now we're slowly drifting apart. You once said you loved me as you stabbed my heart behind closed doors now... i'm too far gone and wounds will heal but scars are meant to bleed; now your gone and i'm happy until i look down at my hands..and see the spaces between my fingers where yours fit so perfectly before...then..i see your mangled body, wearing only a bra and panties covered in blood..your blood...but then i see your face...beautiful in the absence of life, like an artist master piece..captured in a single moment that'll live on forever... i see your eyes and i draw back for hidden ..those deep, blue eyes are your last emotions..and in them i see a mix of fear, horror, but the most of all i see defiant hatred towards me taunting me, daring me.... its sickening...im sickening....i never thought i could do something this terrible to you....but...i did...and there is no way out... in a blind shamble through the house...i find my gun and come back to you... and i look at you in your still beauty.. i hold my gun to my head as the sound of siren s fade into my reality... starring into your lifeless eyes i mouth the words "im sorry" as i pull the trigger *BANG*...i open my eyes and see red..theres smoke everywhere in front of me are gates made of bones and flesh...they start to open and i smile as i see you on the other side of these hellish gates...i guess you weren't the angel i always though you were...... THANK YOU FOR READING.. PLEASE LEAVE YOUR OPINIONS.
3 Name: jill : 2016-12-16 01:53 ID:nM2UDkvM [Del]
The first part is like a poem or a lyrics of a song. Gradually, the story starts and it started abruptly. Just a simple scene of a person and the dead.
The part where "scars are meant to bleed" is something the stuck in my mind. Its not an open wound, its a scar, a person shouldn't bleed when its already healing.
Well my main concern are the sentence break. You should either use a comma or a proper period. And also, its easier to read if you seperate the story into paragraphs.
