Epilogue: The city was dark except for the light of the unchecked fires that blazed the streets and the heavy gunfire in the distance. A man leaped over a fallen statue racing towards a large crystal like structure that stood high up as if to pierce the sky open with its jagged tip. The massive crystal tower dull black that seemed to give off a darkish glow, its surface covered in buildings that wrapped themselves around the tower. The man ran, knowing that every second he wasted could jeopardize humanity's survival. He knew what he had to do as he raced down the street past the injured, the sacred, and the confused alike. People who called for him when they saw his uniform. Light armor that had a dull black look similar to the massive tower that stood at the centre of the city. He knew where to go even in the war torn city because like every other city they were designed designed similarly with minor adjustments. He thought about the soldiers that were fighting desperately not for themselves but to buy time for as many people to evacuate. Everyone knew that no one was coming out of this alive. He thought drifted from memories of his child life to suddenly his family. He was never going to see them again, he was sure of it. At that moment when he thought of his one year old boy and his unborn daughter he smiled. He thought to himself that he's lost it if he can smile now. That's when a piercing magma red bolt slammed metres from him to the right exploding. Throwing rubble and human remains alike, he flew sideways hurtling through the air. He landed on his side bolts of pain shot through his arm and hip as he struggled to get up. He looked around dazed and panic started to set in, hyperventilating, fear, paranoia. He looked around crazily for the shooter and he drew his sidearm.

He laughed crazily as he looked at his light side arm that had only a couple rounds left in it. He thought to himself what the fuck is this going to do against a lancer. He looked past his gun and saw the human remains of torn up carcass and wounded people that were closer then he was to the explosion. He stopped laughing taking deep breath he had to do this he knew what he must do. He got up with determination disappearing in a flash of blue and reappeared running on top of the buildings racing toward the citadel. The metal cylinder strapped to the lower of his spine attached to the uniforms belt. Having to glowing circles at the ends of the cylinder it hummed and glowed brighter. The man leaps off the building and nose dives straight towards the ground before disappearing in a flash metres from the ground and reappearing in full sprint across the large grounds that lead to the centre of the city. At the city centre all the streets and buildings end leaving a massive open circle and in the centre of the circle stands the large citadel surrounded by gates that glow from the crystals that power them. He ran sweat dripping down his face, suddenly his vision blurred and he stumbled. “NO!” he screamed mentally not now, he pushed himself to the limit his mind feeling like it was going to split and all his neural implants seemed give a burning sensation. The cylinder glowed brighter and the humming picked up speed. His body start to give a soft blue glow and blue smoke started to trail behind him. He started to pick up speed going faster than any human, leaping over debri. He began teleporting while running, his movements whereas if he was water flowing around rocks

Hi! Took a break from work(basically procrastinating and saw your thread) So let me offer you some advice.

It is not “alot” but “a lot”. Just wanted to point that out.

For your first sentence you talked about darkness and light—unchecked fires and heavy gunfire. But heavy gunfire itself is not light, but rather it is sound, especially since it’s “in the distance”. You can change it to fit your sentence by talking about the sparks of the gunfire.

Eg. Hundreds of sparks darted across the city like….

A man leapt over a fallen statue (comma is needed here, unless you’re trying to say the fallen statue is what was racing) racing towards a large crystal like structure (since it is a large structure that resembles a crystal I suggest changing It to “crystalline edifice”) that stood high up as if PIERCING the sky open with its jagged tip. (Consider shortening it by saying “a crystalline edifice that strained to pierce the sky with its jagged tip.”)

The massive crystal tower, dull and black, was wrapped in buildings, AND seemed to radiate some SINISTER glow.

He knew what he had to do as he raced down the street, past the injured, the sacred, and the confused alike.

People CALLED for him when they saw his uniform—light armour that had a dullish, black look similar to the massive tower. (Try not to refer to the tower as the same thing with the same adjective. Consider things like—his gargantuan destination)

I expected in depth description for emotions in the following paragraph.
“He thought drifted from memories of his child life to suddenly his family” is not grammatically sound at all. It should be : His thoughts drifted from his childhood memories to his family. Refrain from using the word “suddenly” it is mostly pointless and the sudden effect can be achieved by more effective means like making a new paragraph.
“He thought of his one year old boy and his unborn daughter, smiling.” ______ (Something could have been added here to bring out emotions.

The images of his children filled his mind. He pictured his son, pictured that small, chubby face and its perpetual contented expression that reflected his ebullient nature. He pictured his son’s eyes, curved and narrowed but glistening gently like diamonds. He pictured his son’s usual broad smile, and then huffed. “So irrational,” he murmured. He never did understand his son’s sense of humour. And then he fought back a pang as he thought about his daughter. Yet to draw breath, yet to know the world, but when she did, she probably would not know her father. Or you can describe him picturing what his daughter would look like. “Perhaps she would have his mother’s eyes of purest azure, and his bronze hair…” etc etc (You can go on and on to add more emotions here)

I must’ve lost it that I can smile now, he thought. OR He thought he must have had lost it that he could smile now.

A piercing (since it had an explosive impact I suggest forceful, powerful , since piercing does not really serve any meaning) magma red bolt slammed metres (you used “metres” instead of “meters” here and words like “leaped” instead of “leapt” above. You have to make the choice between British English and American English) away from his right, exploding.
“The explosion threw rubble and human remains alike, and sent him hurtling through the air until he finally landed on his side. Bolts of pain shot through his armS and hipS as he struggled to rise. Dazed, he looked around, his breath heavy and rapid as he was perturbed by a concoction of unwanted emotions—fear, paranoia, and panic”
At this point I realized you kept using he, you can’t always use he. You have to “refresh” and use his name again before you can refer to him as he.
Try this structure for thoughts:
, he thought. So: what the fuck is this going to do against a lancer? He thought. Otherwise it would have to be “what the fuck was this going to do against a lancer”

I’m skipping the 2nd paragraph as their very similar to the errors corrected above except for the last line. “He began teleporting as he ran, his movements as if he WERE water flowing around rocks.

Your tenses are consistent, you mostly know what should be in past tense. What is lacking is the emotional aspect of writing. I’m not feeling anything. It’s…hollow inside. But for this! You can seek out this person here called Lovely, who is quite proficient at the emotional aspect of writing herself. As I have told her a few days ago “writing a story without emotions is just describing events”.

My thought structure got lost somehow. It should be (thoughts) , he thought. The (thoughts) should also be italicised.