1 Name: wolfking70 : 2015-03-06 23:37 ID:CgfZnmlf (Image: 599x433 jpg, 10 kb) [Del]
the world is so peaceful at night when the moon is full, the graveyard still, and veiled in a soft blanket of snow. alas these things are far and few between, the sword of life cuts them away faster and faster with every year that passes my soul once as white as the snow has been cloaked with the blood of my mistakes, and missteps, but in the end one of the empty plots in the graveyard I have grown to love will be filled with the lifeless shell that is my body.
2 Name: Magnolia!2ipznOcc5g : 2015-03-10 18:34 ID:ab76+gX8 (Image: 500x500 jpg, 193 kb) [Del]
Sorry I'm replying late to this. Here are some edits to consider.
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The world is so peaceful at night.
The moon is full, the graveyard still, and all is veiled in a soft blanket of snow...
Alas, these things are far and few between.
The sword of life cuts them away- faster and faster.
With every year that passes, my soul- once as white as the snow- has been cloaked with the blood of my mistakes and missteps.
In the end, one of the empty plots in the yard I have grown to love, will be filled with the lifeless shell that is my body.
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This is a very visual piece, and each description let open the gate of my imagination. That's why I think, it would've been better to have a more detailed picture. This piece gives off an atmosphere of serenity, but the picture above is more "haunting" than "still and quiet". For example: the snow is largely important in setting up the atmosphere, and the red leaves could symbolize the metaphorical "blood",
Another: I really wanted to change "The moon is full, the graveyard still, and all is veiled in a soft blanket of snow..." to "The moon is full, the graves are still, and all is veiled in a soft blanket of snow..." Once again, it just flows better since "moon" is one syllable, and "graves" could follow after without halting the flow of the sentence. I hope you'll receive a second opinion, because I'm not as confident in my knowledge of grammar rules as I should be.
If you're going to post more pieces, I really suggest keeping them all together in one thread, similar to how things are done in the Art Board. I don't mind reading them and giving my two cents (If you want them). Your writing tends to put me at ease for some reason...
