1 Name: Solace : 2012-12-26 10:42 ID:y69XLMj9 [Del]
Hey there peeps. The majority of this forum seems smart and truthful so I need your opinion on a story I have been working on lately. I was writing it kind of unplanned like and have hit a bit of a block so if you guys have any ideas or critisism I would be happy to hear it.
Tom stared out at the vast, leafy expanse that stretched on seemingly endlessly in front of him. The bench he was sitting on, although uncomfortable showed an excellent view of the eternity that seemed to be this park.
"Hi." Said the flower in a somewhat abrupt way. Tom looked at the flower that had suddenly appeared next to him on the old wooden seat.
"Hello." He replied in a matter of fact tone, slightly surprised that he was not surprised at all at the fact that a talking flower had just appeared next to him. "Who are you?"
"Well, that’s tricky to explain." The Flower wringed its hands a bit as it thought of how to finish the answer. "just… follow me." The flower got off the bench and hesitantly walked down the road that had come into existence there. Tom gave a second to consider before stepping down onto the grass and following the flower.
"ok."
As they took the walk down the strange paved road that could have lasted from 5 minutes to 5 hours, Tom got a good look at the flower that was leading him. The flower in question was tall with a green stalk, 2 leaves running up the stem and white petals with a yellow centre, much like a sunflower but slightly bigger. The only thing that differentiated this flower from the others was the short thin legs instead of roots, a mouth and eyes on the centre piece and 2 arms coming off the stem, it's only clothing was on it's hands where it was wearing white gloves, the same types that butlers would wear. Half way through wondering how the flower could possibly breathe, or live actively at all for that matter it stopped.
"Well this is it." The flower intoned as if Tom should already know what 'it' was.
"It?"
"Oh yes, ah, my house. Come inside." The flower opened the garden gate and slid to the door of the large mansion that had only just conjured into existence. It opened one side of a double sided door and waited for Tom to enter. "Care for a cup of tea?" it questioned. "Earl Grey of course, your favourite." It added as it closed the door after them. "I think you'll find the cups on the coffee table, in the living room."
"Now." The flower chirped, suddenly a lot more cheery inside. "Find your tea alright? Yes, that’s the cups. Please take a seat, I'm sure your very curious about what's going on." The smell in the house was a melded combination of extreme mustiness and detergent, yet try as he might he could not focus on any of the furniture. "I am your imagination, so to speak." The flower explained in a cool manner. "Well, I am the manifestation of your imagination." Tom gazed blankly, extremely confused.
"Pardon?" He replied, the word seeming unfit to justify how incredibly perplexed he was.
"You might have noticed that any recent events might have been disjointed and unusual. That is because you are in a coma, and due to the inner conflict in your mind over a particular issue you have manifested multiple states of your consciousness into free thinking organisms, all inside your own head." The flower maintained a calm state whilst saying this, sipping its tea the entire time. "Basically, this is not reality as such."
"W-what's the problem?"
"Problem?"
"The one that my mind is fighting over?"
"Oh ah yes well some parts of your mind think its best that you die while in this coma."
"But why!?"
"I'm not sure. You probably can't remember your life, it would be silly just to give up on it and die though."
"I totally agree" Tom was energetic now, the will to live filling him with previously untapped vigour. "So what do we have to do to get out of this?" He questioned, ready to start affirmative action.
"Well 'we' can't do much, although you have control over your mind and all its functions, you have no control over the copies outside your bodies and thusly we need to figure out a way of flight not fight."
Tom nodded wondering if he was actually dreaming and would wake up any second. "No you are not dreaming." His imagination reassured him. "Now head to bed and get some rest, things will seem a lot less disjointed when you wake up, and when you do I'll introduce you to the rest of the crew." Tom nodded and suddenly all he wanted was to climb into that soft luxurious looking bed that had appeared next to his seat.
Tom woke up in a large queen sized bed in a small, comfy room with red carpet on the floors and bookshelves lining the walls. He stretched his legs from underneath the covers and realised for the first time he was wearing jeans. The smell remained , oddly off-putting like looking at expired milk, but apart from that everything was completely different, yet the same. It was like a puzzle that had originally been fitted together but all in the wrong order and upside down and had now been put in the right place. Tom hopped out of bed and exited the cosy room into a long stretching hallway, hearing sounds of talking towards the left side he strolled towards the conversation. His imagination was sitting at a large mahogany round table with 2 other men in the centre of what looked like a kitchen/dining room. He was half way through a hushed sentence when Tom entered. "-has to be open, the consequences if it's not- Oh hey Tom! Finally woken I see" He broke off what he was saying when he saw Tom. "These are the guys that I want you to meet, Your charisma and ambition, these 2 are the only ones who seem to have really seen our plight."
The first of the men, who Imagination had labelled Charisma stood up and strolled over to shake his hand. He wore cheap floral clothes, had slicked back hair, skin that had a shine like grease and incredibly browned skin but black eyes and a certain look about him that seemed off.
"Great to finally meet the man who made me. I'm Charisma but you can call me Chad!" He thrust out his hand and grinned. His grin seemed to take up half his face and his teeth seemed slightly to pointy.
"Uh hi, yeah that’s me. Nice to meet you, Chad." Tom muttered hesitantly, still not quite able to put his finger on what was off about him.
"Yes, yes. Great, great... Well, I better be off. Great to meet you Tod and hey! Catcha later." and with that Toms Charisma called Chad spun on his heels and made for the door.
"it's Tom actually" Tom corrected the air where Chad had been and the sound of a closing door. "Tom, not Tod."
The second man remained seated but introduced himself more formally when Chad was well gone. Now if you could call what he was 'one' man. As he moved around his face seemed to shift and after 30 seconds of looking away he seemed a completely new person.
"Yeah hello, how ya doing. Listen, spare me the bullshit. We aint here to be palls we're just here to get a job done. Call me Arnie or call me Ambition, honestly I don't give a shit." Arnie's body seemed to alternate from one side to another, at one moment being a short shrunken man with balding hair and small beady eyes then sliding to the next as a barrel chested, hairy, towering man with a glint of power in his eyes. "Look I have to go to. Remember this though, you getting out alive is just as important for me as it is for you. If either one of us fucks up then we are both dead, so don’t bitch out on me. You got it? Yeah you got it. Anyway see you later Stan, we can discuss that 'project' more later." And with that he was out the door as well as silence resumed its complete regime .
"You warm up to them." Tom's imagination assured, looking like it was half trying to re-assure itself.
"They get quite token… after a while." Tom nodded, not sure how true that was. "well so far I think we have figured out what to do for the next few days."
