1 Name: Jade : 2012-09-28 19:10 ID:xAHvk3G6 [Del]
so i was writing a story and was wondering if all of you could give your opinion on it but if you don't like it please don't make it all hurtful and use profanity and stuff like that just give an opinion if you like it or what i should do or add if you don't ------------------------------------------------------------------
I woke up in a dark room, i don't know where i am, or how i got here, but what i do know is that i'm getting scared. "Hello is anybody here" i asked with fear in my voice. I got no answer. "Is anyone here please answer me" i nearly screamed. Still nothing. I was so afraid i felt as if i was going to cry, until i felt a pair of arms wrap around me. It was too dark to see who it was until he spoke. "Don't be scared Allie i'm here, there's no need to feel afraid." he said softly. I couldn't believe who i was hearing "Z-Zack is that you?" i questioned. "Yeah it's me, don't worry your safe where at my grandmas for the summer remember, but as long as your in my arms you'll always be safe." Right when he said it i know he was right. "Goodnight" i muttered. "Goodnight" he replied and kissed the top of my head before drifting to sleep
2 Name: Luciferus Hellsing !ALCL315MiU : 2012-09-28 19:53 ID:jk3Qvus2 [Del]
This definitely needs to be proofread. I have only read the only sentence and I can already see that it is quite poorly written. for example:
"I woke up in a dark room, i don't know where i am, or how i got here, but what i do know is that i'm getting scared".
should be:
"I woke up in a dark room, I didn't know where I was, or how I got there, but what I did know was that I was scared".
Read it over and fix it up a bit first.
3 Name: Jade : 2012-09-28 20:01 ID:xAHvk3G6 [Del]
ok thank you
4 Name: Fir3_fly : 2012-09-28 23:42 ID:m8noqC6n [Del]
first of all what the hell is the story about? I mean the first sentence sounds like its about the perspective of a victim of some sort of kidnapping, then its like: You're in my arms
(insertkissyfacehere) i can see you've got potential, but you need more practice and more variety in your writing style. Read different types of books besides what you are use to. that's what i do.
