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The Revolution (Chapter 1: Whats happening!) (3)

1 Name: ImmortalEric : 2012-07-17 02:43 ID:Co7tFreT [Del]

The wind brushed through the feild as Ganta walked home. Ganta thought of what happened between him and Mika. Ganta hated how he acted towrds her. Mika was worried about him and kept asking whats wrong since he was depressed lately, he yelled and freaked out when she asked. Ganta sat down on rock along the path. He thought of the reason why he was depressed ”Ehh why did i have to fall for Mika... I've known her since we were kids and were in highschool now."
Ganta looked around after a few minutes. He saw Mika in the distance. He sighed because he wanted to tell her the truth. He got up and turned away from Mika. and walked. Mika saw Ganta in front of her and a tear ran down her cheek. "Why Ganta, why do you have to be so independent. You coul atleast tell me and not screamed and yelled at me" she thought. She blushed as a she said that. For some reason her heart beats sped up. She wanted to throw up. Theye both walked home at a distance from eachother.

2 Name: ImmortalEric : 2012-07-17 02:44 ID:Co7tFreT [Del]

if you want the next crapy chapter ask

3 Name: BarabiSama!!C8QPa1Mt : 2012-07-17 11:39 ID:cYfUWwsJ [Del]

This is extremely short for a chapter considering it's only two paragraphs; in fact, it's more of a weak summary that you may put on the back of a book. There are tons of typos. You're lacking a lot of dialogue-related commas. The story also sounds very rushed and stereotypical.

Remember, as well, to keep breaks between your paragraphs here since you can't indent.