So i was trying to write a comic book. And i thought it might help if I wrote some of the plot in poem form. Its not done just yet and idk if some of it makes sence. But Please tell me what you think. Thanks!

Society (Working Title)

My life was run by society's quest in achieving power and success.
I was pressured to work towards its quest.
But it wasn't for long I grew tired of working and decided to quit.
I was lost in the city with people souless and bland.
The world lost balence and started fly.
The city was scared and it lost balence
The fear spread like a imaginary disease
But yet i dont know why.
That wasn't untill i spot her standing in the stands.
She said she was from out of this world.
Someone who spoke of strange things.
We met when she was falling into the sky.
I saved her that day
She looked in to my eyes.
And her eyes was.....
But it wasnt untill I saved her I met him.
Some one unlike me who knew the city and its ways
And rebeled against the city
By not following it in its quest.
An enemy i would have made of him..
But a friend nevertheless...
We all live in the city
I had broken from my ways.
Now I had finally lived the way I wanted.

I like the poem, but it lacks rhythm. I don't know how to explain it.

Unless you're going to put several pieces here, please move this to the "Poetry Board" thread and let this one get bumped down :O That thread is actively bumped and is filled with users' poems. If everyone made a thread for each one of their poems, this board would fill up pretty fast, you know? ;V Just specify that you want criticism when you post it there.