1 Name: Girl who likes to sing : 2011-11-20 22:05 ID:80fI2i9a [Del]
1 Name: Anonymous : 2011-11-12 17:35 ID:o+Pmm9Qp (Image: 300x399 jpg, 19 kb) [Del]
My name is Ashly and I am a writer. Im in a desperate search for an artist for my story. (It's an anime.) but its more of an anime novel with some pics every now and then. But anyway, I really need someone who can draw anime!!!! If you don't want to do the drawings, I can still give you the descriptions for my characters if you want something to do (or draw). If you want to, then contact me at
Ashly@coreytabaka.com or i could post them online right here.
p.s. i already posted this a while back, and there was some debate about why it can only be in anime. if you like, you can draw a picture related to my story in a different graphic, but im only going to use anime pictures. (with permission of the artist)
2 Name: Taro(Donut) : 2011-11-20 22:22 ID:nWOtI+J8 [Del]
Uhh so... Why are you posting it here if you want someone to draw it? Unless you want people to critique your writing, in which case, it would have been better to post the piece of writing.
3 Name: Girl who likes to sing : 2011-11-20 23:01 ID:80fI2i9a [Del]
I already have this posted in art. People were saying I should post it here too. Yes, I would like people to critique my writing. I'll post a sample below this.
4 Name: Girl who likes to sing : 2011-11-20 23:04 ID:80fI2i9a [Del]
when lily bursted through the doors, there were no guards. only the intruder. he towered over her in a black cloak with a hood that completely hid his face. behind lily, the doors slammed shut. she backed away as he reached a hand out to her.
"w-who are you?"
"you're afraid." he whispered.
"not of you, but for my people. if you hurt anyone, i swear ill have you executed on the spot."
"would you really have the heart to do that? wait, you don't have a heart."
"how did you know that!?"
he didn't answer.
"coward!!" she screamed at him. "show you're face! who are you? are you a servant of the darkness?"
"i am servant of no one."
"then you are from masiala."
he hesitated. lily heard it in his voice when he replied.
"yes. but i do not serve your kingdom, princess. i belong to no country, kingdom, race, or group. i am alone. like you"
5 Name: girl who likes to sing : 2011-11-22 18:58 ID:80fI2i9a [Del]
bump
6 Name: BarabiSama : 2011-11-23 09:15 ID:cc/r7767 [Del]
If I was your editor, I would rip you into three hundred pieces... However, I shall be kind and say a mere two words.
1. CAPITALIZATION
2. GRAMMAR
There is not a single thing capitalized on there. Also, there are many incomplete sentances. I can send you an editted version of it so you can see what corrections you need to make, but you should learn how to write on your own, as well.
7 Name: Girl who likes to sing : 2011-11-23 13:31 ID:rYTJNUvT [Del]
Are you an editor?
8 Name: Misuto!M4ZBq07Cs. : 2011-11-23 13:48 ID:pVUtb8hM [Del]
As in "someone who edits," she will be if she edits/revises your excerpt. Are you implying you're looking for a professional, licensed editor?
Anyway, I'll give my two cents. Which means I will give like eight cents, because apparently everything I say is too long and in-detail - but I feel it's appropriate here.
Grammar aside, since Barabi covered that, I have a few points.
It all seems overly sequential, and the dialogue is too scrunched together. There's no narrative in-between, which kind of makes it look like a chat log. Lines like "would you really have the heart to do that? wait, you don't have a heart." sound kind of flat without any characterization, like he's just stating it with no emotion.
I know it's only between two characters, but some clarity with who is speaking, and how, would be nice too. Like I said, the dialogue is very mashed together - which is fine in a very short exchange, but this was a whole conversation almost.
Other than that, something about how the conversation proceeded seemed unnatural too. She went from being terrified, to the point of stuttering, to being completely confident in herself, to the point of threatening and accusing him. At least, that's what the dialogue suggested. If there was any trepidation left in her voice, it should have been implied. The shift was almost bipolar.
Not much else to comment on, since this was basically just an excerpt of dialogue.
9 Name: BarabiSama : 2011-11-23 16:35 ID:bqyMih62 [Del]
I did charity editting on WEbook for a few years, but that's my limit. I'm not liscensed, and I didn't accept money for it. I don't do editting anymore, unfortunately. I would simply send that to you so you can see the revisions and what would make sense and why. Still, "practice makes perfect" and you'll get better with time :3
10 Name: Carolyn-chan : 2012-03-20 10:26 ID:D5lriw/n (Image: 960x720 jpg, 192 kb) [Del]
I would be happy to do the artwork and the editing. I do a lot of my own written work on wattpad.com and I have a deviantart account. I haven't had proper training in art and this work seems a lot like Kingdom Hearts, but it could be a stand alone work if you tweak it a little bit. If you don't tweak it enought though it could just be read as a fanfiction, unless that is what you want. I will e-mail you if you like just in case you don't get this message because it has been a while since this was posted. I try to be a very spirited person and I am easy to work with if you don't get on my nerves. I'd be happy to work with you and I hope you contemplate this. Below my post I will put a picture of my most recently made story. I will email you the same story picture and try to email you a drawing of mine.
