So hey there, as the title goes, I'm not all that sure how to title something like this.

To start things off, I'll just be listing the main thing that's bothering right now. I'm a girl but it bothers me somewhat that I don't use makeup and stuff like other girls, I feel like I'm the odd one who isn't into these kinds of things at my age. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if I hate makeup or anything like that, I do enjoy watching makeup tutorial videos online but the issue is that I only like seeing makeup when on others and not on myself.

Other problem that I have that might be in relation to the issue mentioned above would probably be I find that I lack self love which = not having the motivation to do or start anything relating myself. Self hate wise there seems to be plenty to be on about. This feels like it's a way deeper rabbit hole than it should be, and at this point I'm not sure if I still have a clear idea of what I'm going up against.

It sorta sounds like some form of depression that could be the affect as well, but I'm currently trying to deal with that. Sure I wanna tell myself that I should be nicer to myself and things like be kind to yourself but I don't know where or how to start.

>>1 Best thing is to mention this to a therapist, voice how you feel that your mind is working against itself. Self-realization is the first step to real help.

Well would wearing make up help you care for yourself more? It helped me, although I'm a huge fan of J fashion like Decora Girl, Lolita, Fairy Kei, exc. So I get a lot of strange looks/questions about my make up. But none of that really matters as long as you're happy/having fun! And what I've found is the more you just dress how you want to dress and be yourself, the more like-minded people you'll run into who will like you for expressing yourself and want to be your friend! Not sure what you're aesthetic is but find something you love that you'll look forward to putting on in the morning, that you can feel comfortable in! And this doesn't have to happen over night! You can just go piece by piece, like maybe mess around with a different shirt/dress or try on a lipstick that you like on yourself! (Only if you want to make up is not everything I constantly switch between different styles so sometimes I wear make up sometimes I just go natural, because you are beautiful and unique and you should embrace that! A word of advice if you are going to try make up tho, develop a skin care routine, because before I had one I broke out in pimples everywhere! Of course if you don't care then don't worry about it, it just bothered me . . . A therapist may help btw but you may have to see many before you find one you like. You can always talk to me if that helps as well!) Anyway best of luck! Be yourself! We love you! - ケイ

>>1 @CP001 I am very similar to you. I was the same as you a few years ago, and only last year started to try wearing makeup but it feels weird (not physically, just generally). I went through a mild depression when I was in my last year of elementary and throughout high school. I only wear light makeup now for events where I need to for professionalism or sometimes for photo/videos, but I don't always even for those situations. I also enjoy seeing others who wear makeup well and those videos etc. Another reason I don't wear makeup often is because I've had acne prone skin for a long time and I can't stop touching my face and making the scars worse, so I avoid makeup making me break out more (even though I am sometimes tempted to use makeup to cover it, I end up not doing so, because I decided to let people see my real face, and that also narrowed down the people who don't like people because of how they look.

Depending on how old you are, you may just need time to figure out what you want to do and what matters to you the most. I am an introvert, so I don't mind having less people to be close with, so many of my life choices are based on what I want for myself. I wasn't always like this, but I think it is a good decision for me. When making others like you / worrying about what people think of you becomes a lower priority, you can focus on other priorities and also save time by letting only those who like you for who you are be your friends/acquaintances. You don't need a million people's approval, and sometimes I realize that I don't need to be so concerned with my own approval half the time, because we can all be too harsh on ourselves and so we don't need to listen to that negative voice in our head. There are so many things to be busy with in life, things that can improve you in ways that don't negatively affect your mind, so I like being productive in doing things that I love, and hopefully find success in those things over time, as long as I work hard and stay determined.

Regarding "not being interested in makeup like others [your] age," there is nothing wrong with not being like others. Honestly, even if I didn't tell you that I also don't wear makeup, it doesn't matter if there is no one to relate to or no one that is the same as you in that sense. There are also many ways in which you can have things in common with others (like using the internet, going to school, enjoying food, etc) that I'm glad that people have different interests. Of course, some people want to be similar if they have similar ideals, but I don't think that having an interest in makeup would be considered a valuable character trait for a person. Like, I wouldn't be like, "Wow! I want to be friends with that person because they like makeup just like everyone else!" or "I don't like that person because they are not the same as everyone else!"

Regarding being nicer to yourself, I think a lot of people online who mean well, only know how to say things like "be kind to yourself" without giving specific advice that can be a guide, especially for people who don't know how to be kind to themselves, just telling them to, won't teach them how. These people need to be shown how to do it, or figure it out themselves if they come across a situation where they can realize/be enlightened by something. I don't know how to teach others to be nice to themselves either. I can just share that my personal method when I was coming out of mild depression (and that I still need to remind myself sometimes), is to FIRST go to the extreme of somewhat brainwashing myself to think that I am better than others so that I stop caring what they think of me, then finding the best traits of myself no matter how small (especially ways that I am better than others), also be aware and okay with being "selfish" sometimes for your own good, and THEN tone it all down accordingly and back to what morals you may have.

Basically, I kinda tell myself that I am superior and more important than others (which I SHOULD be to myself, because the self should always come first) in my head, but on the outside, I act somewhat normal in a way that I can blend in 50% into society, just enough to get by and make others think that I am like them so that they connect/trust me, and 50% keep control of what's in my head and what my values/priorities are and maintain that so no one outside of my head can change what I think of myself. I have to regularly analyze myself and accept both the good and bad.

And most importantly, creating YOUR OWN definitions of what is a positive trait and what is a negative trait! I'm not saying to avoid using mainstream definitions of good/bad, but to create/decide your own first (without considering what other people do), and then allow yourself to notice the similarities in values or the differences in values that you have with others. You can then reconsider adjusting those values or just let them be if you think they are fine being different/disagreeing with others.