i have posted this thread before and its about how I was coping with the loss of my mother.. I told you guys before that for some unknown reason, my tears were not sincere as i hoped it would be because duh, she's my mom..

but now, just one single mention of the the word "Mother" I would suddenly burst into unreasonable amount of tears.

I don''t watch movies or series with mother-related concept like Pixar's "Brave" because my tears ducts would suddenly produce large amount of tears.

Im seriously depressed.

I'm not entirely sure. From your experiences, your emotions are shaped from those. So, you might not cry at all or burst into tears. It's normal, I guess. Humans are like that. You just got to live with it.

If you're depressed. Do what they always tell us. Get professional help, talk to someone etc.

You're going to be fine alright? Take it easy.

Your sadness seems like it took some time to visibly manifest. This I got after reading through your old thread. While I can't relate fully, I do believe that there are times when the situation hits you a bit later than sooner. I've read about people who wander around with something they liken to a 'void' after someone close to them has died and find that they're bawling buckets only when it's years later. It's different for all of us.

Her death could have also been traumatic too. Though there aren't enough details about you and your mom to make that a conclusion.

I'm also guessing you're turning to writing all these in a post 'cause it's hard to articulate what you're feeling to people in real life. I hope you find the comfort you're looking for and that all this eases the depression (even just a bit). All the best, Kurosuke. It's late but condolences.

We were so poor back then and had barely enough food to eat for a day, and I dreamed about getting my family out of poverty. My mom was abnormally thin those times

Now that I have a proper job with enough salary for a family of four, I keep thinking of the "what ifs"

What if she didnt die?
What if she's still here?
What will be her reaction to me that i can support her now?
Will she be proud?
Will she be healthy? Fat?

I just kept wishing that she's still here to witness that were not poor anymore and that we can buy anything we wanna buy now.

Maybe all im feeling is regret..
Maybe i just pity myself..
Maybe Im wanting a support that only she could provide..
Maybe Im just lonely..

But shes gone now and and I cant do anything about that anymore.

This is so messed up.

>>2 thanks tho..

>>3 i just probably need an outlet..

I'll visit her grave tomorrow, maybe something will change... hopefully.

My condolences...I teared up a bit after reading, I know how u feel...I've been there before.

Your Mum's in a better place now, watching over your family with a smile on her face, brimming with pride at how much you've achieved.

There's a quote by Dr Seuss which goes "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." It's supposedly cliche, but once you've understood its real meaning, I hope you'll be less depressed.

Do u remember the enjoyable times u guys went through? Do u remember the way she smiled at u? Picture those thoughts when u think of your Mum instead...cheers

>>4 That sounds so painful and you're right, maybe it's one or all of those things you're feeling. There, there.

Hopefully, that grave visit provides some clarity. Even if it doesn't, try to confront the pain face to face until it fades. Outlets and all. Though that's still hard. :(

If anything, you've come a long way from hardship and if it's any indicator, a good mom will always be stoked about that. Your mom sounds like she was a good mom. Take care, friend! Do let us know how it goes.

Tbh I didn't cry all that much at my mom's funeral. I burst into tears as she was dying but at her funeral I didn't cry as much. I guess it was just due to not fully accepting what happened yet. I think you are now fully accepting that she passed and get emotionally triggered by her name or, as you said, the word 'mom'. And yeah you will have those million 'what-if' questions. Just always tell yourself that you've been the best son that you could and that your mom will always be with you.
What you're doing now is becoming a better man and know that your mom is watching over you smiling and being filled with happiness knowing she raised such an awesome dude. One day we'll all be reunited, but for now live as she would have liked you to live. The best that you can offer and believe me that's more than enough. I hope this helps you and if you want to talk more you can reach out to me or any one of us. But most importantly, try to stay positive.

remember a star is a soul of the dead in the sky she always will watch over you plus umm don't beat your self up man