>>1Everyone has a past behind them, that's simply the way people are.
The fact that you're wanting to have those same sort of negative experiences as they had is a bit concerning, but you may just want to fit in, or to better understand your friends.
You want to feel special, in the same way that you find them to be special. Not from a 'look at what I can do' kind of thing but from a more pitiable perspective, perhaps.
Don't worry about it OP, just keep on going and living your life. Be thankful for what you have, and try to help others around you who aren't as fortunate. You shouldn't be trying to harm yourself emotionally just to feel like you can fit in, or use it as a method later.
Just try to move on and be thankful for what you have.