Hi, I've known the BBS for quite a long time now, but I've never really talked to other people on this site. So I decided that I'd dump my writings here (an anime gave me this idea) and actually get them out into the world.

I don't want attention, because if I did I would've published them publicly. I just feel like I could use some help criticizing my work, because I realllllyyy want to get better at writing.

To anyone who sees this: please give a heads up or whatever you can curse me or leave a "fuck you" so I know just how many people visit the Literature boards (and come along my thread).

Thanks and see you around! :D

Use the fucking Poem/Writing thread goddamnit, nah jk.

Actually not really, I'm in a dilemma whether these kind of thread is actually appropriate or categorized as spam.

Anyway, you haven't post anything about your writings. You better put it up soon, also come say hi on RTT at Random board.

Well, since it's a personal thread I thought it would be better if I made one for myself, especially since I plan on doing this for the rest of my life.

I'm not telling you to cut me some slack because you're absolutely correct, but I am indeed asking you to cut me some slack.

—————————————————————————

full of noises
just, devoid of voices

it crashed down on me
like a wave of air

everything
and nothing at once.

i've hated myself enough;
why is everyone still..?

——————————————————————————

>>3 I'm looking forward to the poem of >>1337 then, in the process am also looking forward to your commitment for posting continuously and god knows how long will that take.

Also, keep them writing coming.

I'm sorry I got a bit depressed and cut off my connections to social media for a while. I've decided that I will still post stuff but I'm saging my replies and I don't know frequent I'll
get to reply. Well, not that anyone cares though.

Oof, just scrolled down to see what's up down here. Didn't notice you posted something, so here is what I thought. Just leave the sage box off if you're truly gonna be here for the long haul.

You know Nanashi? The guy on VN board? He has been on and off the site since 2016, so devoted to his "100 VN goal" thread that he recently passed the 200 VN milestone. You can see here on how long it takes him to reply a single question from me, or from C8 I mean.

Maybe I could look this up and find out... But, is VN something other than Very Nice, here? :D

>>8 Lmao no, ever clicked on Games board? It has a sub-board that of which is Visual Novel board, VN for short.

dollars-bbs.org/vn

Oh! Thank you.

nice poem!

I can't believe that there was actually a time in my life where I'd post something like this. Anyway, I'm back. I no longer know the password to my old username, so I'll just rebrand myself here. Attached is proof that I'm the one who wrote the poem up there. Also, brand new poem!! I'll upload a new one everytime someone replies to this thread.

Companion
Our ways crossed the shadows
which to me looked dark,
kept not the twilight close.
There, you secretly sparked

the torch I put aside.
But the flame dared not stop.
You were in candlelight,
a grand adventure map.

I suppressed desire
swapped ash for - swallowed flame -
all to quench this fire.
Let others write your name

in journals, travelling,
I'll spend my life finding.

just get good

Hello, what do you mean by "just get good?"

You and I belong in the stars.
I've watched statues turn to stone,
worlds crash into oblivion.
What vestige persists,
exists so little.
Our ultimate fate:
to be consumed.

I just picked my latest poem because I'm too lazy to choose.

Hey aru! Both of the poems you posted are pretty decent and do articulate their ideas well. One suggestion that I do have, particularly on the one from >>14 is that on line 2 I would remove the "I've" and change "watched" to "watching" maybe. The reason for this is because the beginning and end of the poem has a "we" frame of mind so to have the middle of such a short poem be an "I've" frame of mind is kind of weird. This can be altered by either changing the "I've" to "we" or by getting rid of the mention of who exactly is doing the action altogether.

I don't know how often I'll be on here to give more critiques and feedback, but I look forward to seeing your work if you keep posting. Best of luck.

Thank you! I'm not really expecting feedback because my motivations have changed since I made this thread. Normally I would be annoyed if someone corrected me, but this time I'm grateful because you're doing it out of kindness. Also, it's nice to have a fresh perspective regarding these so I look forward to hearing from you again!

That being said, these ideas are mostly in their first drafts without any editing yet, so it's much more likely that you'll point out more mistakes the more I post. I'm still unsure if I'm gonna follow your recommendation in this one because I kinda wrote this one in an epiphany (which is very precious to me) but if I ever do, I'll give credit at the bottom of the poem. And that line you pointed out holds the most meaning for me; "what I was before you came along." But I get your point, the perspective needs to be shifted but the connection between the 2nd and 3rd line will be destroyed.

Anyway, this turned out to be an essay lol even though we should be talking about poems. Next time I'll try to post a finished one to see if I can challenge you to find any mistake!

And in my final moments,
mornings were made for contempt
that nothing more could wash away
than the regrets of yesterday.

I lay there the night before,
held awake by a dream of you.
And now I am awake once more
with nothing to prove I was with you.

I'm glad your appreciative of the input I have, and I certainly don't think you need to take it to heart. These are most obviously your works so I think it's important for you to keep them in whatever what feels most genuine for you. And you wouldn't need to give credit lol, this isn't that serious. I look forward to seeing a finished poem of yours.

I realize that it's so tiring to find a poem everytime someone replies... so this time I'll just post an idea because it's VERY unfinished yet.

who got caught
in a love so expensive
he paid with his life

so poor
he could not even
afford to jump.

Obviously the subject is missing in the first line and there's a better verb for "jump" but I'm not really in the mood to think.

So next time I'll try to stay off this site so I won't see if someone replies hehe so I don't have to keep up with the poems. But when I come back, I'll post a really long poem because my poems tend to be more than 2 pages. As for the finished (and short) poems, I'm not comfortable posting them publicly because my friends have already seen them and I don't wanna expose myself, so if there was an even more anonymous way of letting people read them, maybe I'll give it a try.

I don't think you have to reply right away every time you see somebody has made a comment on your thread. You could just wait until you have something you deem to be complete enough to share. Either way good luck haha.

Ey! Sigue adelante ~ esta genial