>>8 I see what you're getting at at inconsistency, but I think maybe you're reading into it too much. My teacher thought it was amazing, and my one goal is to be satisfied with what I have written and to have someone else enjoy my story as well, even if it's one or a million. I'll tackle some of those inconsistencies. =)
"He can only perceive the world in two colors" I actually never mention anything about two colors. I say he has monochromatic blindness, which means he sees in shades of gray. =/ And I never meant for it to be towards the whole "grey line" of in between. It would have been a completely different story if he had been confused. Symbolism to me is however you make it, not how everyone else perceives it. If you think something, let's say, flowers, represents beauty, and you put a pretty character as your main character who loves flowers. It doesn't necessarily mean you were thinking "flowers means beauty, so my character needs to be beautiful." Not at all. Sure, people do use symbolism, but I don't like to think about that stuff when writing. It isn't genuine to me.
>>Sorry I don't want to type it all out. But your mention on my second paragraph. Are there NOT selfish characters seen in literature??? Also, I'm rereading it, just for reference, but obvi this character can only imagine all the cruel killing he would do, but he can't because he thinks about the consequences. I mean if that wasn't clear, then who are you to say that my story is inconsistent. When I definitely see it flow. Of course, there are people like you who look too deeply into what's being written. =/
>>Third paragraph comments. Well, you see I do see the inconsistency in that. How does something remind him of fire, if he's never seen it. Not too hard actually. I've never seen a picture of Montana, but I know there are mountains there, so if I read something about mountains I would say, "Hmm, that reminds me of Montana." Same exact thing. Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean you can't associate it with something. I would imagine if I had the same disability and all of a sudden saw the color blue, I would associate it with something very calm, perhaps not the sky, but maybe sand! And you Mr. Symbolism, should know that red equals danger (that's how I was writing it, gosh, I can't believe I still remember this) and if red equals danger, I as the writer, associate fire with danger. I specifically chose fire though, because it's very beautiful. You see fire and know that it's dangerous, yet you want to touch it. That's what that girl was for him. That girl was fire.
>>My comments on your fourth comment. I personally love who people would call depressing characters, just because they're the one's who are actually just realistic, but I can't argue with you on that one. That's all a matter of perception and taste in personality.
>>Fifth comments. Umm, sir, while you're criticizing my work, I'd just like to have you know that "wouldn't have no motive" is incorrect as it is a double negative so the correct wording would be "wouldn't have ANY motive" Umm, no, why not? I think you're characterizing too hard. Also, it's supposed to show how he can't see the color anymore. That it was just this once in a lifetime thing he would experience before he dies. I don't know how much more to explain it to you, but that's as best as I can do.
>>Sixth comment. Well, to be honest, she came out of his dream. I never really built upon that connection. I just wrote it. There was no subconscious knowing he was going to die (see you're reading too much into it, I never meant for that). Basically, he has a dream and she comes out of his dreams. It's like she's warning him basically. She's not real. In fact, he probably doesn't even die. How do you know any of that was real?
Thank you pie face, though, for taking the time to read it and give me your thoughts on the piece, I appreciate it. =) It'll help me improve as a writer as well as helping me question myself before presenting something. Do you want to read another one???