Ey. I don't think anyone will remember me, but I used to participate a bit here. Anyway, I've come back because something has been bothering me, and I haven't been able to find the answer by myself.
Throughout the year, I've been questioning whether I'm a good person or a bad person. In many ways, I'm good. But in many other ways, I just appear to be good. I'm actually just creating an impression that I only have good intentions, because I wish I did.
One of the reasons I wanted to join the Dollars was because I was dying to help other people. I was eager to give of myself to make the world a better place. And I say it like I still do, but when I think about it, I haven't really done anything. Even the missions I proposed years ago, I only completed a couple of those.
The truth is IT'S HARD to be good. I have a hard time not hurting people and being happy at the same time. Lately, I hate giving my comfort to other people because I feel like my life should come first. But should it? I know that this is the very reason inequality exists. But it's just so draining.
I'm not willing to accept that I'm morally bad. After all, it's difficult to find ANYONE who is literally Jesus Christ, ESPECIALLY these days. But I just don't know how I can be good and feel good about it at the same time. I'm in a moment where I have a lot going on, and finding space and time for being patient and nice to everyone and smiling and helping out whenever I can... is the ideal, but also seems impossible.
Everyone says I should worry about my education first. But I know I'll just be dragged into less and less free time, less and less opportunity to make a change and more apathy as the time goes on. I had to make a change before and I feel like it's already too late.
So what do you guys think? Do you think we should all try to be as perfect as we can? To be and breathe good? Or is it impossible, and we can only do and take so much?

"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious." - Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan

You probably came across this quote before.In my opinion,good and bad are two concepts that will never define a person,because our personality and behaviour are way too complex to be defined and classified by these 2 vague criterias.
You should do what you want to do without thinking "oh this is bad,oh this will make me look good in front of the other people".Fuck what other people think of you,wether they have a good or a bad opinion.
If helping others makes you happy,do that,if this thing doesn't suit you anymore,stop doing it.
It might sound selfish,but you need to enjoy your life and do those things that make you happy without caring about what the rest think.

Personally, I think you're a good person. You think about the well-being of others and you want to help people, no matter how tiring it is.
You're not a bad person because you find it hard to do good. I think you're just pushing yourself too hard. And wanting to do something for yourself, thinking you should put yourself first isn't selfish. I think you, out of all people, deserve it. Y'know you can't make people happy if you aren't happy yourself. My advice: take it easy. Think about yourself a little. ^^

i think its wrong to divide people into
good or bad.
we all have our bad sides and good sides.
we can´t get thought life without hurt anyone in whatever way.
we are not perfect but we are individuals with our own life and experiences.
and thats what made us for the one we are today.
take me for an example.
i have been bullied since my first breath and i never really had any friends.
the school was a complete hell for me. And when i came home crying i did not receive any response from my parents. my mother is a foreigner and i could speak to her since my father did not allow me to learn the language. so i could not tell what my father liked to do to me....
i really hated my very own father that always were drunk. and i always felt like my mother never saw me. i lived like this for 10years until i got adopted into a foster family and i was given another chance. but my past gave me so many scars that i cant even believe my ears when somebody says the care for me. and i don´t dare to fall in love because i always been heartbroken.
but despite all of this i am still smiling and i am happy for what i have today.
but sometimes i get sad out of nowhere and since i don´t have any pokerface at all.
my friends always ask if i´m doing alright. and that just make me wanna cry every fucking time they say that. i don´t like to cry in front of people but i feel better afterwards and a hug is so new for me and that is also helping when i feel sad.
anyhow. and i remember thinking -why does such angels even care about a devil like me?- those thoughts have crossed my mind a thousand times. i even tried to kill myself once.. but thats old and i feel better today. the dollars have actually made it all better since i can talk about my feelings anonymous. and i like being a part of the dollars. because it pains me to see anyone feel bad and i just love seeing people smile with both eyes and moth. and believe it ore not. i actually went to my fathers funeral because i felt guilty for feeling relieved for his death (he tried to found out ways to get me back, but he forgot to take his medicin)
so yeah, if i can live with being bullied.
raped by my father.
ignored by mother.
then i think you should be happy for all you've got today.
because i am^^