Please pull up a chair if you're going to read my thread as this is going to require a long story first; Right now, I'm a sophomore in college & I have some friends that I talk to in & out of college but nobody I ever talk to on a regular basis (a best friend I suppose). I kind of have one but she lives off in Colorado (12 hours from myself). We met around the time I started high school on a social/gaming website, Gaia Online. It was completely by random but we became friends online. I was a very quiet & shy child irl & she kind of was too & even though I'm only a year older than her, it hardly ever felt that way. A few months had passed & I wanted to be more than friends so I sent her my number & we started texting & dating. We sent a single photo of ourselves to see if we were really who we said we were. That was the first time I saw her face. At one point we even called each other & I heard her voice for the first time. Later in time, we broke up our little online relationship & moved on for a couple of years, still keeping in cautious contact with each other only to start dating each other again during her sophomore year. We had sent other photos of ourselves & I've kept them just for the sake of memories. We finally skyped for the first time & I actually saw her as the person she really was. But then she told me she wanted to go to Taiwan for her entire junior year & of course I supported her. I cared about her happiness. But with almost no possibility of communication while she was there, I let her go a couple of months before so she could really enjoy her time there. Towards the end of my senior year/her junior year, we made contact again while she was in Taiwan. She was so happy there, away from her small town & I was glad for her. And in that summer when she returned, she wasn't the same shy, anime-loving girl that I knew. She was more confidant, more proud & a little more bold. I was so proud & happy for her then too. I wanted become more like her; a better person than myself. That same year (last year I suppose), this girl I went to high school with broke up with me when we had a bad argument at the beginning of December. By the time I started the 2nd semester, I was depressed because i realized I hadn't made any progress with myself in life or with figuring out what I want to do later in life & I was all alone. I couldn't tell my family or what little friends I had how I felt. So I turned to Her & told her about all the times I was sad & depressed, I even told her things I wouldn't dare share with anybody else because I trust her so much. That's when I started to really develope feelings for Her. We texted each other, we used Skype a few times, we really stayed in contact when we could. All throughout our time together, we never once argued with each other & got really upset at the other. This past summer, I finally got to visit her while my family was on vacation. I was so excited & I wanted to tell her how I felt about her for the whole day I was there. But I was too shy again...I was so quiet the whole time & she could talk to anyone around her with ease, even to my family. I was beyond upset when I had to leave & get on with the vacation. My parents could tell I was kinda sad & I told them I liked her. They said it was ok, that it was only the first visit & it probably wasn't the right time to do it. They really liked her though, they said she was pretty & very nice/polite. I still felt terrible that I didn't tell her though, so I texted her later that night how I felt & she was very nice about telling me she wasn't sure how she felt. Then, a couple weeks before I started my second year & she started her first year at a college close to her home, she started talking to an old friend she went to elementary school with. Apparently, his hometown is right next to mine & he went to high school over here & was back her town for a while. She told me she was catching up with him, going to lunches & meeting his friends. I still tried to make my feelings apparent to her but I found out that they had became a couple the day before she started college. She told me he asked her to be his girlfriend & I was just devasted so badly that I might have cried once. I became very depressed again. This time, it wasn't just because of I had zero confidence & still didn't know what to do with my life or that my new part time job was wearing me down as I lost more sleep than usual, but also because I lost her & had felt more alone than ever. I barely talked to her within the passing months, no Skype calls either. I wanted her to be happy & still do. It's just that part of me wants to be the one to make her happy...so then last week, I heard her boyfriend broke up with her & I asked if she was ok. She was so upset that it kind of broke my heart a little bit. He apparently felt depressed & missed his friends back in his hometown & decide to move back here & broke up with her because of that. I didn't understand his need to break up with her when they could always keep in touch long distance-wise like I have. I tried to console her but inside, a small part of me thought maybe I could win her back somehow. I hated feeling that way while she was in pain yet couldn't help it. 2 days later though, she told me she wrote him a letter & sent it to me to read over Skype. I read it & lost all hope. It was a long letter filled with passion & love & I knew she meant every word of it. He told her he loved her, & she loved him back. I thought that there was no way I would ever be able to make her that happy & do all those things with her, the loser & confidentless person that I am. It moved me so emotionally, so painfully, that I, being the little writer that I am, wrote a poem about her loss & mine. Now, with him back at his home & Her, still at her college, I have no idea what to do anymore. I've shared so much with Her over the years & have never met anyone so passionate, kind, caring, & understanding as Her. She means so much to me & I still want her to find happiness & love. I just wish that I could be the one to give her all of those things & be there for her instead of being miles away. It might be love that I feel for her, it might be obsession, I don't know. All I know is that she is one of a kind & that she deserves so much more...What on earth should I do at this point? (Also, I apologize for the insanely long thread post, I'm very terrible at summarizing things)
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