>>12tl;dr at the bottom.
Much better, it was a pleasure to read. Your thoughts came together well, every paragraph led into the next, and your over all point was well explained and executed.
My only complaint is that it felt like an essay - From your Post Script, you had mentioned a thesis statement, and the ending paragraph being organized as a kind of summary.
Each type of writing has it's own purpose: An Essay is an exercise in learning how to condense and organize your information for the best flow. And from the point of viewing this as an essay, you did a wonderful job.
But this is a forum, so we aren't really trading essays to each other - Each post is what you're saying to the other participants, or readers. Essays are rarely meant to be read aloud as a response, which means the format used in essays will feel awkward when done so.
So from there, it's just a matter of taking the lessons learned from writing essays (information transitions, organization, etc) and applying them to something like public speaking, or perhaps debate. Which you choose depends on what you want to accomplish.
But the point of that is those two formats in particular are designed specifically for speaking directly to other people. It's the difference between leaving an essay as a complete thought that is fully fleshed out, and leaving either an input or challenge that has information or opinions backing it.
The main reasoning for this is simple: Essays are finished. Input/challenges are open ended.
After reading your post, once I had gotten to the end, I felt I fully understood your stance on the matter, and the reasons you explained behind your stance. I also felt as if that was the end of the matter, you had dropped in once, explained your reasoning, then left. Any further input or debate would come across as something tacked onto the original post as an after-thought, or perhaps a second edition, rather than a continuation.
Since most of us on BBS are somewhat friendly with each other, any debate or conversation we have in a thread would naturally consist of multiple posts back and forth, this is why it's good to make sure your thoughts are left on a somewhat open ended outlet - And if some idiot happens to come out of nowhere and wants to stubbornly argue, it's also important to be able to effectively chain your ripostes together into a solid link of rebuttal.
All of this probably sounds like it's complicated or tedious, but it's really just a matter of mixing together what you learn from various writing exercises into your everyday speech. Like most things, the individual formats are useful on their own - But you can screw with them and personalize them into your life to make them extremely effective regarding how
you want to use them, as opposed to how other people want them used.
As a final note before the tl;dr, I hadn't actually expected you to rewrite it just because I critiqued it. I'd seen you do better before, so I was more or less just poking fun at you for being lazy. Take what I say with a grain of salt, it's not like you're gonna get a grade or fail BBS forever. There's really no
reason to try and improve or alter how you write/communicate unless you just feel like doing it for fun.
TL;DR:
Good job fixing everything, but we're not after essays. Try to make it a little more open ended so it would fit more smoothly into a conversation, and you can continue to chat off the end of it. You don't need to condense
all of your thoughts into a single post, because you'll probably never really condense all of your thoughts into a single paragraph or sentence in a conversation. Let yourself be open for expansion and continuation.