And.... GO!!!!

EAT ALL THE FUCKING TWINKIES

Murder the stairs

UPDATE:
1. Keep supply of food.
2. Destroy stairs.

Go to WalMart.
Seal the doors.
Live in the weapons section.
Wait for the police to move me to another country. (Zombie Apocalypses have different levels of affected areas :3)

Save all the fat girls from being killed first they provide awesome warmth, food incase of shortage less people to kill for alot of meat, sex (cuz they are girls), and alot are funny so you can ease your growing insanity.

^~^

Spam. Lots and lots of spam. And space.

Feral, locally designated zombologist and chairman of the Spencerville branch of the First Action Zombie Response Team.

Rules for survival:
1. Never travel alone. Incidentally never travel with more than three other people. (Bigger the group, easier the target.)
2. Guns are your second attack option. Learn to kill with a melee weapon. (Loud, ammo is to be conserved, etc.)
3. Stay as far away from major metropolitan areas as much as possible. Another day added to your life is definately well spent walking around the death trap.
4. Learn to get used to being hungry.
5. Never, and I mean never, travel with someone in your group who is useless to your bottom line. If they can't serve a purpose or contribute in any way, they're no different than lugging around a corpse.
6. Learn to get used to walking.
7. Be wary of other survivors.
8. Don't hesitate to kill another survivor should the need arise. (Preferably someone not in your group.)
9. Never travel with family or loved ones. Stay emotionally distant. (Too many movies and games go south because people break this rule.)
10. Don't expect to be saved. Everyone is expendable.

These are just a few I have. They may seem heartless, but if you want to live a long life you have to be as ruthless as the animal we all are.

good thing i'm in america cause we have guns lot and lots of guns although i prefer knives they don't run out well we got them too

1. If you travel alone at least be able to know how to take care of yourself.
2. If you travel with a group make sure you have a medical person with you and keep that person alive.
3. Be prepared to die.
4. Make sure you have plenty of supplies.
5. Try to stay in a place where zombies are least likely to come.
6. Since the world is in a Zombie Apocalypse feel free to have as much fun as you can without causing the zombies to come after you or your group.
7. Be careful with who you trust. You'll never know who's gonna steal your supplies or not.
8. Make sure you find shelter where either zombies are least likely to come or where there's plenty of security to hold them off for a while.
9. If you're with someone that's turning into a zombie either leave them or kill them.

wrong rule one is cardio it is always cardio

>>9
No, you shouldn't prefer knives! That shits way too ineffective, for multiple reasons. Get a bat.

>>6 The way you looks at it made me laugh out loud.

Fat girls: It's all you need in a zombie apocalypse.

All I know in a zombie apocalypse I wouldn't let it change who I was. I'd save others when it was risky and not emotionally detach myself to everybody.

Also, stealing a boat, grabbing other survivors and making my way to a deserted island. Zombies can't swim, right?

It depends, is it the ones that shuffle around, or the ones that really hall ass?

>>14 That last sentence sent the biggest chill down my spine. What makes you think they can't swim? Some animals can swim and most humans can. And what happens if you're on that deserted island, they find you, and you can't get off. I'll tell you what happens. You're fucked.

>>16

swimming for humans tends to take a sustained synchronized effort to stay afloat and make progress. Of course, they could always sink to the bottom and walk... But that's a long way, with predators and pressure to stop them.

Alternatively, they can float out to see as a bloated corpse... But the water would also hasten their decay, making them effectively incapable of moving due to their own flesh turning to mush.

Realistically speaking, a zombie apocalypse would last a year at most. As soon as it got hot enough, IE: Summer, it doesn't take long for a human body to decompose and be picked apart by predators and scavengers.

Hell, if you lived somewhere hot enough - Like a desert - You'd be pretty much safe from the get go. Just wait them out for a month or so and your home free.

>>14>>16 they don't swim...they just walk underwater...they don't need air...

Well regardless of what kind they are, you should bring a black person or two. Why? Nothing racist, but they are very funny, they have common sense/street smarts, and they are't wussies like an average white man. Another option would be to get buddies that are familiar with a weapon, such as police officers and military veterans.

When it comes to food, you want to eat the canned food last so that the other food doesn't go rotten. Bring a multi vitamin too, it will keep your health up. And if you ask me, a 5-hour energy does wonders for endurance.

When it comes to weapons, a blunt object like a bat for close quarters and a gun for longer range.

When it comes to defense, a 7x7+ft man hole moat with thorny cacti and/or sharpened sticks at the bottom around a stronghold works. The stronghold itself needs to have reinforced walls, no windows, and a front and a back door. The roof cannot be accessible by climbing up the walls, so reinforce the walls from the inside to avoid the zombie(s) from getting a foothold.

>>17 Aya, this is a zombie apocalypse thread. Why are you attempting logic? Obviously decomposing things are made out of fucking titanium and are the scariest damn things out there. Also, biting something is like a surefire way to infect it. Especially with human teeth and decomposing muscles. They're strongest when they're in rigor mortis.

These are a few I know:

1. Do not talk about zombie apocalypse.
2. Travel in groups, but keep them small.
3. NEVER underestimate the strength of a rotting corpse.
4. DON'T USE KNIVES OR DAGGERS. They require getting too close to the thing that's trying to eat you. Use a sword or bat.
5. Guns may be loud, but they're better than nothing.
6. DON'T USE FIRE ON THEM. Fire takes about five minutes to kill a zombie. In other words, TOO LONG.
7. Zombies are blind. The only sense they have left is hearing.
8. The zombie virus is NOT trans-species. Animals cannot infect you, however they can still get rabies.
9. Canned food and bottled water ONLY. You don't know where some stuff has been.
10. Learn how to start a fire. NOW.
11. If a member of your group is infected, KILL THEM. I don't care if it's your best friend who saved your life on that camping trip, KILL THEM.
134325. Vampire beats zombie. Have fun trying to make use of that one.

But MOST of these I got from watching an anime series, so it's not garunteed that zombies are blind, OR that the zombie virus isn't trans-species.

12. If you are in an inclosed space and a zombie is with you, use it's own arm as a weapon. It is better than a bat or machete.

Just act like a zombie when you need to and keep fat girls around as i mentioned earlier, keep your body cold and rub zombie shit on you SHAUN OF THE DEAD XD

NEVER go into a hospital.It is your best place(with the suplies and medicine) and yet it is usually the most dangerous,most having many corpses which could attract the undead.

instead of a shotgun use a rifle because it it works long range and short range because you dont want them close to bite you and always keep a knife

If possible, go backstage in a theater. There are a LOT of tools that are perfect for zombie hunting. Also, try to stick with some techies.

Keep matches or a lighter on you at all times since certain zombies can only be killed by being burned. If you run across those without any form of making fire, you're screwed.

COD's zombie= Get to a high spot and avoid nova 6.
Resedent evil's zombie= Join wesker's side
Left for dead 2's zombie= Commit suicide
Highschool of the dead zomebie's= go to an island

DO what what ever u want ( eat all u can, play lots of video games, go fuck a girl, ect)

Just one rule for me:

Complete all the events that occurred in the film Zombieland.

1)stay in a fairly large group (NEVER go anywhere alone)
2)sleep in shifts
3)ALWAYS have a loaded long range, medium range, & short range firearm on you as well as a sword, extra ammo, booze, map, compas, a pan, length of rope, and a porno mag.
4)travel by night in a vehicle if avaliable.
5)ALWAYS tell the truth about injuries
6)infected people must die (see 7 for instructions)
7)destroy the brain
8)do not reproduce unless you can feed the extra mouth
9)if a preg lady is infected so is the baby!!!
10)ration out supplies (barely enough to keep you alive)
11)do NOT trust anyone untill they have proven themselves worthy
12) the neighbors poodle is a great distraction
13)animals CAN be ainfected and CAN infect you
14)if you must hunt for food burn it a little then poke it to see if it still moves (obviously if it does do not eat)
15)never travel in a line, always back to back or circle up
16)use a sign language whenever possable (to keep quiet)
17)NEVER go to an island for zombies do not need oxygen, they will walk along the sea/ocean floor untill they surround you
18)guns are to be loaded, and cocked at all times
19)the best safety is your finger, and never point the gun at a non infected being
20)sterilize any cuterly before and after every use
21)if a party member is injured but not by a zombie steralize and cauterize the wound
22)the booze is for 20 and 21 and only for 20 & 21 ABSOLUTELY NO DRINKING
22)burn the bodies of the uninfected dead after destroying the brain

and i could continue on about this all day and still not have said everything.

Wow, some of this advice is complete bullshit.

For one, guns.

Clearly, most of you have never actually held or shot a gun before in your life. Lugging around one gun and enough ammunition for it is going to weigh you the fuck down. Guns also jam, need regular maintenance, need to be kept dry, can backfire, blah blah blah. In a zombie apocalypse, if you're far away enough to spot a zombie, you're better off just avoiding it rather than attracting attention to yourself with a gunshot.

"3)ALWAYS have a loaded long range, medium range, & short range firearm on you as well as a sword, extra ammo, booze, map, compas, a pan, length of rope, and a porno mag."

Holy fuck, this is some seriously WRONG advice here. After carrying all of that shit, where is the room for food and water? Humans need food and water at least. Just to live. Yet alone survive in a zombie apocalypse. Good luck eating your bullets for nutrition.

There's actually a shit load of stuff that I want to say, but I'm too fucking tired to think of it right now.

>>31 Actually small groups are better; too many people and if one gets bit and doesn't want to leave, chances are you'll never know and the whole group will be at risk. You could end up surrounding by your peers because of one idiots mistake, because lets face it. Nobody wants to die.

Also on another note. Its only a matter of time until the world is taken over by them. If animals and insects can get infected, you're screwed. Animals are made for biting, same with insects like mosquitoes. Not to mention, since they're dead, and don't need air, then they could virtually walk across the bottom of lakes and oceans infecting everything; Landsharks could be created then since they would no longer need water. There'd be nowhere to hide, it'd only be a matter of time, especially if they don't rot.

And one thing I've never understood about the new age zombies. Why is the brain so important if they don't use it? Its always shoot them in the head, but why? There is no use for their brain at all, which is further enforced by the zombies continuing to live when the head is severed. They don't live by the laws of humans; (unless you're talking about the real zombies, like brainwashing and certain drugs and whatnot) but zombies from media and the like, don't really make sense sometimes. If they were raised from the dead, with a thirst for human flesh (which stops them from rotting sometimes) then why would their brain be at fault? If their limbs continue on when severed, then destroying all of the zombie would be the only option, right?

>>33 In some cases, If the "Zombie Virus" were real, it wouldn't really be the dead rising. Instead, to keep a logical point of view, it would have to be something that would be the combination of rabies + leprosy + several other mind deteriorating disease, in which you would loose all sense of humanity, experience a maddening constant RAGE, loss of several self-preservation/species-preservation instincts. Without that, the human brain would not hold back on strength so the body won't hurt itself, or notice if they are injured. Since the symptoms would all stem from the brain, shooting it in the head would be the main cure. Also, to keep it real, the disease would most likely last from a week to maybe a month before the body is no longer able to function, depending on the body-type, weight, sex, and drugs taken.

That's my take on it

Inevitability Bump. (You can never be too prepared.)

1:have a group
2:be armed
3:get food+water+shelter
4:get more food+water
5:Survive
6:Survive from Zombies and selves
7:Chance of being immune
8:Going solo? Have good weapons with you
9:keep watch
10:least have some fun with it :\

^ the basics ^

>>23
Dude!!!!!!
Zombies can smell each other!!!!!!
The whole smell of death is on all of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Small. Group
Plenty of ammo and food
Get 4 wheel drive Jeep and truck.
Get water tank full oglf gas on back of truck.
Go get chicks.
Go to mountains.
Go offroading.
Get a spair Jeep and truck.
Get all redneck friends and repeat last 4 steps.

MOST IMPORTANTLY
get Budweiser

Also following up on >>39 make sure they're not to hot and oblivious otherwise they're dead weight.

They need to be hot.
Hot chicks are never dead weight.
~~~
Plus half the hot chicks I know hunt.

Also I need a 4 Wheeler.

Well i said they'd have't to be smart. So if they are GREAT!!!!! But that also means they know all the guys want them and will be very self-conciece!!!!!!!!!!! So CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I never said how many.
At least equal

All rednecks have 4 wheel drive and guns.

They bring their own beer and chicks

1. Double tap.
2. Learn how to run fast for longs periods of time
3. Build up a high immune system
4. Don't ever fucking look back
5. Only have sex if you know how to stay quite
6. Have a short range wepon ready at all times. (knife, bat, a sword you stole
from the mall, ect)
7. Have a map so you know where you've been and where your going
8. When traveling in a group make sure their not attractive (less chance of
getting attached)
9. Take something that makes a good destruction (ex: fire crackers)
10. Never kill the living
11. In exception to rule #10 you kill the living if they are infected and want to die
human
12. Learn how to cook. Or farm
13. Don't eat animals that you haven't killed
14. If you use a gun use a silencer
15. Keep a log book. For sanity's sake
16. If your alone, NEVER go out at night.
17. If your being chased go up. Chances are they won't be able to follow. If they
can, make sure that building either has a fire escape or a smaller building
next to it you can jump to.
18. Pockets are your best friend
19. So is really short hair. Yes girls I'm talking to you
20. In a group long range walkie talkies help
21. So does texting ( if still possible)
22. If the inter net still works, USE IT!
23. If you had to choose between two allies choose the one who won't hold you
back
24. Learn how to aim. Fast
25. Choosing between food or water. Water will keep you alive longer.
26. For lack of food use vitamin tablets.
27. All ways know what day it is. Keep in time with the seasons
28. Girls. When on your period it's best to saclude your self until its over
29. Binoculars. Have them
30. Alcohol for wounds ONLY
31. God will not save you so don't even go there
32. Money won't fucking save you
33. Use gas to blow thing up
34. In response to # 33. Run. Fast
35. Carry one book with you. Also for sanity's sake
36. If you can. Learn archery
37. Change clothes only when nessisary
38. Stop bitching and suck it up.
39. Now is not the time to have an argument in the middle of running away
40. Figure out how to jump start a car
41. Chainsaw = Your Death (eventually anyway)
42. I don't care how fucking hot they are if they get bitten you kill on the first sign
of change
43. Experiment on the different ways to kill Zombies. Chances are if you stick to
only one way it WILL fail eventually
44. Dressing like a slut means the zombies have more skin to choose from
45. Ware a jacket. If a zombie gets a hold of you, you can just slip out
46. Suicide is only option when you get bit. No questions asked
47. As said before. Only kill when they've been turned. You never know if they're
immune
48. Black is now your favorite color
49. Only listen to music if your sure that your momentarily safe
50. I'm right. You're wrong. End of story

BURN THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

>>46 See what you did? You broke it!

Guns, Ammo, group with friends, shoot/melee zombies,
kill any traitors/crazy people,
Find a ride that isnt gonna blow up(meaning by booby trapped), armor it,
cook and find food(farming would possibly be a bad idea due to zombies),
Find any Noise distracters,
think fast, have a map, teloscope/binoclulars/sniper scope, have a base to return and exit to for any problems expanding,
Don't return to the place you were unless needed to(because it could be over runned by them),
Head to a mall to find weapons or stuff,beware of hostile/zombies,
have a melee guy(or more), a sniper guy, a machine gun guy(hostile attack when driving), a medic(any wounds from other things), an engineer(car breaks down).
Sacerfice yourself if its the only chance to do to save any of your friends.

(The following is based mainly on Solanum theory.)
1. The strength of the undead relies heavily on numbers, not much else. Forget what the movies told you, these things aren't superhuman and aren't alive. Avoid concentrated groups of zed and wait for the contamination to stop spreading. Within two weeks or so they should have decayed enough to be little threat.
2. Solanum concentrates in the brain, and as such if you are to remove an arm, the arm will cease to function. In the same sense the head will not stop after decapitation. Burn it or bury it.
3. The infection is strictly human-based, barring mutation, so the only threat of helping an injured dog or such would be possible attraction of zed to your owl location.
4. Solanum operates by weakly stimulating a dead human's senses and motor skills. It has neither the hearing of a wolf or the eyes of a hawk.
5. A human never truly "comes back to life" the Solanum first kills it's host to keep from being acted against. Gramma ain't gramma no more, so shoot the meat puppet.
6. Zed do not digest. While sometimes being know to consume entire people, the eaten does not escape by actual human means. They bite simply to spread disease and keep themselves from extinction, as all other species would. (This seems fairly obvious. I mean when is the last time you ever heard of zombie crap?)
7. Contamination cannot be spread through the air and is difficult to obtain through water. Solanum requires much of the nutrients in human flesh to survive and procreate, so avoid direct contact whenever possible.
8. It is theorized that zed are able to tell each other apart by unusual brain waves given off when the Solanum has gathered control over the brain. In theory this could evolve into some form of pack-mentality, but this has never been recorded. What is important about this however, is that pretending to one of them like Bill Murray or the blokes from Shaun of the Dead will not fool them (even though they are both great movies.)
9. Solanum's greatest chance of being transmitted to another host is through trade of bodily fluids. (hence the biting. Your blood+it's oral bacteria) Remove the teeth and the limbs and they're virtually benign. It should also go without saying that any Solanophilia is OUT OF THE QUESTION. You know who you are.
10. Solanum is violent. Those infected by it will likely not be saved from it unless using antibacterial remedies so strong that they would likely cause organ failure. Best to destroy the brain and dispose of what is left ASAP. This is in both the infected and everyone else's best interest.
11. Just because Solanum no longer controls a body, it doesn't mean that it's all dead. Be cautious with any and all remains.
12. In terms of combating a single or small group of zed, you have many advantages on your side. Most of these should be rather obvious, but one disadvantage will overcome you if you grow too confident. Zed feel no fatigue, pain, hindsight, anything. It is focused on spreading to people and that alone.
13. How Solanum is generated in the wild is mostly still a great mystery, but through research on several small outbreaks it seems most likely to be connected human cannibalism. No soylent green, no matter how much she loved you.
14. The greatest threat in a Solanum outbreak is most commonly NOT the zed themselves, but how humans react to it. Save the superhero BAMF for those wanting to die. Simply relocate until the outbreak ends, most are relatively small.
15. Solanum has no connection to the supernatural, God, the underworld, anything. It is simply a modified offspring of an average human-dwelling bacteria, and seeks to propagate as any living being does on this Earth.
16. A partial recap, but until media lines crash, state of emergency is announced, or you end up trapped in a quarantine zone, the laws of a particular government still hold true. Take a deep breath and think about the repercussions of blowing and shooting shit up before you do it. Chances are you'll later be arrested for unnecessary violence and, in some cases where knowledge of the disease was scarce, you could be detained as a probable source of the contamination.


The above is a basic overview of zed composure and basic strategy on a Solanum-based outbreak. Since accounts of the disease are scarce and eating your little brother to trying and construct Solanum is frowned upon in most societies, the actuality of the situation may vary. For this reason it is also invaluable to research the facts and strategies tied to other theories.

|___|

Your zombie apocalypse team.

Always use the double tap