Looking on the bright side of things has felt near impossible. There's so much to look forward to, and I know for a fact clouds do not remain forever on a rainy day, and even then: the rain is necessary for the planet to thrive.

I'm sorry for waxing poetic, but I digress: whereas I see struggle and suffering as temporary, my beloved does not. I adore my partner, so much, but she spirals, so quickly, and take things so hard a mild irritant, even by my mentally ill standards, or a small hurt spells for her a veritable death sentence.

I see a sunny day, and all she sees is clouds. It's like a gas of misery and it threatens to cloud my vision. How can I be happy- generally, for us, for her, when to her, it's but a Band-Aid to her all-consuming struggle?

I absolutely refuse to fall into the old habits I had back when I felt the same way she did, long before we met But this all threatens to swallow me, on top of the worries that nag at the back of my head already.

Escapism has been lovely during this time. Real life, frankly, isn't terrible. But as it stands, it's just so overwhelming, and it's nice to drift off like a jellyfish at sea.

You suck