I don't know what to do. I can't believe I was naivë enough to believe that going to university would shield me from how weird my mom is. After all, they are paying for it and university is very expensive. I've always had issues with my mom, the main being that whenever she is mad she loses all trust and respect for you as a person, even if what you did was benign. It is a very cold, overwhelming dread that washes over me and I have physiological as well as psychological issues when this happens. I break out into a cold sweat, I start to shake and stutter, nausea, it's awful and I just want it to stop. I've been using this platform for years now to get this stuff off of my chest and it really has helped since I have no one else to go to (and before an of you say anything, therapy is not something I can do, unless any of you know of an anonymous, free program or something). She was fine a couple of days ago but then I sat to do my first exam and I don't think it went well even though I studied. From then on she got weird. It was going so well up until this point. She had me go and take a camera and show her everything in my room like it was a drug search. Im so sick of it. I thought in uni things would be better but they are the same, and I am still sat here with a paralyzing guilt, almost like shame. I have to admit yes, I did make some weird per having options but nothing awful, just stuff to get my friends here for the holidays. I mentioned earlier that I've been using this platform for years now, I've been using it since I was 13 I think. I feel 13 all over again. I feel like a little kid who is aching for comfort from someone they scared of and I hate it, I feel helpless and paralyzed. I genuinely don't know how I was able to survive what went on inside my house, I was so young and back then it was so much worse, but I feel just as awful as then. I am sick to my stomach and I can't study and I can't see this getting better anytime soon. Thank you for reading. It's getting bad again and I genuinely hope it gets better soon. I'm not sure how much more o can take of this, I'm getting tired.

Have you considered going in for therapy?

Hi! Did you read the post?

Because I clearly address that in there. Please comment on here if you have some helpful advice, thanks!

Just a quick add to the therapy thing. Your university may have a therapist on campus for students to talk to. Mine did, and it was not something I had to pay for. So I would definitely recommend looking into that to see if it's an option for you!

As for the actual content of the post... it does absolutely suck to feel that way. She sounds incredibly controlling.
I had issues with my mom, and I ended up snapping at her after my first semester of college. Something about that must have shook her up, cause she changed a lot and now she's so much more bearable. Having the distance between us allowed us to both process things on our own. However.... doing that is extremely risky, especially when you're still financially dependent on your parents. It's up to you if you wanna take that risk.

As for less risky advice... try your best to focus on your studies and do well. Your goal should be to get your own financial independence so that you can truly get away from her. See if your campus has any on-campus jobs available for students. These will be the most flexible to your schedule, and you'll be able to save up some money. You could also try some part time work off campus, but NEVER sacrifice your studies for work. Your degree is a big ticket to getting out of your situation. It will open up more opportunities for you.
If you're earning money, set up a budget and stick to it. It'll help to get a steady savings built up.
In the meantime, you unfortunately have to persevere. You've done it for years, you are strong enough to last a few more! It will be difficult and emotionally draining, especially with the hardships of college added to it. Make sure to take some days to take care of yourself and do things you enjoy. The little things will get you through. Maybe join a club that you really like. Just something that gives you a thing to look forward to every so often. It makes a difference. (Something like that is always beneficial, even when you have a relatively stable life!)
You'll also make friends during your times at college. This is a great time to build connections and gain a good support system. You may even luck out and meet someone you trust enough to move out with, which will help financially as well.

Just try your absolute best to enjoy your college years as much as you can and learn to the best of your ability! Your situation, as much as it is grating on you, is temporary. You can get through this. It's exhausting, draining, and depressing, but you are strong. You've been through a lot already. You've got this!

dont give up