I'm not motivated to do anything, not even to email my professors when I skip their class. I feel like a failure every time I go to class and cry in class. I had to leave class in the middle of a lecture because I couldn't stop crying. My grades are doing well for the exception of this one professors I hate, I'm getting in the 50s. This is my second time having him and now that I'm on Academic warning from the previous semester, I'm even more on edge. No one understands me, not even my therapist. I got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder but I think I definitely have something else. I've been depressed since high school and after college it only just got worse. No one has really acknowledged my feelings, not even my parents.
I don't want to kms but have what I found are called meltdowns where I do partake in self injury (I've hurt my hand a couple of times after punching the wall).
I had no friends in my first year but now I am just starting to get friends but I feel the world crashing down on me. I feel like taking a semester off but I don't want to lose all these friends im just starting to make. I'm exhausted and I hate how well I put on a happy face. when I say im fine people always believe me because I look fine even though I'm feeling terrible. I feel so fake. I can't trust anyone, I'm scared and all alone. I have a hard time brushing my teeth, taking a shower, eating right, and even having the motivation to text back or email. I feel so alone and I really hate it. my life has been hard in general. I have a rare condition that has no cure and leaves me with a forever disability. I've lost intent in a lotta things I love. I just want to feel happy, I want to be loved, I want to be understood. I need professional help but im too scared bc all my parents would say is that they'd give me pills that do nothing and I just have to :think positively. Sure, that's a part of it but its harder than that. Idk why im writing this, I just need comfort ig...im just so alone.

I'm too sad to grammar check, sry

im unfortunately not the best when it comes to situations like these, but i can suggest some things. maybe try taking a break for a bit, a few days or so, and just let yourself breathe. everything you described sounds extremely overwhelming, and sometimes the best you can do is give yourself a break. as for your friends, if theyre genuine friends, theyll stay with you even if you arent truly happy or seeing them. also, like you said, you need professional help, and whether that be therapy or medication is up to said professionals, but i would definitely suggest talking to someone in the psych field about how youre feeling. from what ive seen and from personal experience, professionals dont always immediately shove medication down your throat, and hey, sometimes those medications work.
overall it sounds like you just need some time away from everything and some space to clear your head. i know im a bit late, and i apologize for that, but i hope this provides some sort of closure. also, even if its just getting through the day alive, thats better than nothing. take it from someone whos been in a similar place as you, sometimes the most we can do is exist, and thats completely okay.
im proud of you for getting through all of this, by the way.

I’m deciding to take a semester off from school (although I might be kicked out for a year bc I was on academic warning and failed a few classes last semester) to take care of myself. I talked to a friend and cried for the first time in front of them (that’s big for me). They validated my decisions and also thought I should take some time off and offered to help me through the process of paperwork and such since the process is hard to comprehend atm.

I think mostly is that I have the fear of missing out. Im talking to someone btw but after 8 therapist in 3 years I’m starting to lose faith.
I’m trying to feel better atm by getting in shape and going to the gym, eating healthy, making my bed in the morning, practicing better hygiene and focusing on my writing.

Thank, wxbb. Weirdly, it’s so validating to hear something like this to a random stranger off of a internet in a form from the mid-2000s. Thanks for being proud of me, it really means a lot to me.

Is it weird I teared up reading this?

im so happy for you and im really glad your friend supported you! it definitely isnt the easiest thing to do, taking a break from something big such as school, and its 100% understandable that you may be having a hard time comprehending it. also, huge kudos to you for letting yourself cry in front of your friend, thats amazing!
i also get what you mean when you talking about the fear of missing out, to an extent. unfortunately, i cant totally relate, but honestly? the fact that you even recognize that within yourself is already such a huge thing, and although it may not feel like a lot, its still a humongous feat. i do, however, understand the feeling of losing faith and the feeling of going through therapist after therapist. as someone going through that currently, i definitely can relate to wanting to give up, but i promise that even though it may feel really crappy right now, its best to try your best to stick with it. this is just from my personal experience, but at times it can be nice, being able to just, talk. sure, its exhausting sometimes and can be even enraging at others when you dont feel like it or something along those lines, but it can be nice to let loose every now and then, yknow?
also, im so so so proud of you for doing those steps to attempt to feel better! i honestly applaud you for that, i know how incredibly hard it is to even just get out of bed sometimes, so the fact that youre doing all of that amazes me.

and, any time :) i know life can throw you into spirals of hell every now and then, and i also know that sometimes, even just some words from a stranger through the screen helps, even if its just a bit. its also completely normal that youre tearing up (in all honesty, im doing the same), im sure youve needed to get some of this off your chest, and its always nice having a response back.
im happy to help, and im here when needed.
<3