You know how they always say that forgiving someone isn't for them, it's to help you. But how do you do that? When that person can't even acknowledge that they did anything wrong. They act like they are the hero when all they did was abuse you and use you and then they just gaslight you to say it's all your fault that we don't have a relationship anymore. How do you move pass that? To just forgive them feels like I'm letting them off the hook for all the pain they've caused. Any advice?

you have no obligation to forgive this person. you don't HAVE to forgive them. the act of forgiving really only helps you if it's something you choose to do, and if you feel like you're forcing yourself it's probably not going to do anything to help you move on. forgiveness also isn't condoning the bad things they did to you, if you truly feel that's the route you want to take.

take whatever avenue you feel will best help you heal and move on from what you went through. there's no time limit to when you can forgive someone, and if you never choose to, that's fine too.

Forgiveness is never easy, but it’s the only way you can move on from this person and have peace in your life. Unforgiveness is not hurting the other person, it’s only hurting you. To forgive is a choice. It doesn’t mean you have to keep them in your life or trust them ever again. It’s the choice to no longer harbour any hatred or negative feelings toward them. It starts with acknowledging how they’ve hurt you. I suggest getting a note pad and writing down the ways they’ve caused you pain. Allow yourself to acknowledge your feelings in this process. Afterward, say “I choose to forgive _____ for what they did to me. I choose to let go of the feelings they’ve caused me to have. From this point on I am moving forward with my life.” Then burn what you’ve written to symbolize what you’ve done. To forgive is to let go of the hurt. If you want you can even say this to the person. “I choose to forgive you and from this point on I’m moving on and will never speak to you again.” Then block them on everything. It will take time for you to heal, but forgiving is the best way to start healing. Even though you still feel hurt you can still forgive, because forgiveness is a choice. I believe you can do it :) And whenever you remember this person and start to have bad memories. Say to yourself, “I’ve chosen to forgive them.” I hope this helps.

Thank you both for the advice

Uh yeah someone saying your fault isn't gaslighting. You did someone wrong