I absolutely hate discord, it's full of mentally ill people that make someone who's already anti social worse, but even prior to using it I was always a loner, didn't keep contact with any of my high school friends, switching work places often, I'm not close to my family either

I know things will get better eventually, get my shit together, maybe join some clubs, but damn, one thing I know for sure, it's nurture, not nature

as a kid I was a bright little thing, full of energy, smiles, maybe even a little annoying, some teachers thought I had ADHD, years of bullshit have jaded me down, thought it would pass in my teens but here I am as an adult, still feeling as cold as before

really though, why do I need friends? there's this notion that being a loner is a huge stigma, it probably ties back to primal times where not being in a "tribe" meant you were probably going to die sooner, but we're not cavemen anymore, we're in colder modern times where the world receives information faster than it ever has, everyone keeps a tracking device with them at all times, and relationships go as easily as they come often through a screen

I kept internet friends because that's all I was able to keep for a long time, but between being a therapist for random schizoids and being abandoned at the drop of a hat, it makes me want to leave it all behind and never look back, but even so I don't have friends offline either, I'm not socially awkward to the point where being around people scares me but I find being around others exhausting, I don't care for small talk, honestly it just feels like a waste of time

I don't understand why I should bother or care, I've gotten by this many years without any friends, but I don't think happiness necessarily correlates with loneliness, it provides some enrichment but it doesn't come without drawbacks (drama for instance)

I could honestly admit that having friends feels like having candy bars around for me, they're a distraction and they provide a little dopamine for a while but in the end all they do is hurt your health, some friends could be useful, either that or I just haven't met any good friends, maybe I'M the useful one and they just take advantage of me, my finances, my time, my feelings, etc. I'm sick of it all, and I don't understand why I keep trying, I've been all over the map both offline and online and I don't see any exceptions in people

how have you felt during this time? lonely? Is there no urge from within your heart to end your life? even though in the end we don't know what's next, but if you keep getting stuck in that circle then your life is very gloomy

Wtf dude???? Not everyone believes in reincarnation, don't suggest such things >>2

>>2 Nope, if there was it was well over 5 years ago, I'm no longer depressed. I don't find life that gloomy either, it's just the social parts of it that make me miserable at most. I'm just curious why I should bother with people as much as others do. For example there is so much emphasis people put on finding a girlfriend and I don't really get why, they're nice to have but I don't find it a necessity

During COVID I was fine with how things were meanwhile my friends at the time were scratching at their doors like a dog to socialize honestly

i know this post is months old but i feel you anon. i have never been severely bullied in real life but the first time i got hacked, stalked, and made fun of for months on end was off someone i met on a forum who used discord regularly. discord servers can be extremely toxic as well. i think, even if you are very lonely, you still want to be surrounded by people who "get" you at the end of the day. i dont think most people just want "any" friend, they want someone who understands them on a deeply personal level, which can be hard to find.