two days ago, i got drunk with my boyfriend and he initiated having sex, i was ok with it and we were having fun. at some point it really started hurting and i was telling him that, while moving away from him to stop having sex. he held me in place and told me to "keep taking it for daddy", at som epoint he turned me aro;und and i kept repeating that i didnt want it and i started crying and he told me that its ok and he started to put the tip in bbut stopped after he noticed i w3as crying. I have so much sexual trauma throughout my life and hes reassured me plentily that his intention was not to rape me or anything like that b ut i have no idea if i ever will genuinely heal from this and trust him as i did before

You see, I was on this situation before but I was the "boyfriend" in this case. I was 15 years old and moved to a new town and new school. Moving to this new town, I also faced the challenge on moving on from the first love of my life as me and my Girl A broke up because she wasn't ready to have an online relationship. With that being said, she was still on my mind and it was so hard to get over her until I met this girl (Let's call her Girl B and my ex Girl A). Girl B would flirt with me and would always make sexual jokes around me, hinting that she was into me. Time progressed and I started to be into her as well. I never really had any sexual experience/sexual intercourse with someone as my past relationship with Girl A was mainly pure and wholesome so we kept things at low profile with holding hands and hugging so Meeting Girl B who showed sexual attraction and genuine feelings kinda made me move on from Girl A. I was young at the time too so the temptation would always kick in. I eventually not only being into Girl B but genuinely fell in love with her too. We decided to go out and the relationship went on for 7 months. Me and her would have sex at least 1-2 times a week because the sexual tension was big. This of course ended when our Relationship ended.

I did something I should've have done and quite frankly, I really regretted it. It was right before when summer started when she started losing feelings for me because there's this one time where me and her were having sex and when it ended, we rested then suddenly I started eating her out of surprise because she normally likes surprises but then would ask her if I could keep going because maybe she's hurt. She said I could keep going. I asked her to do a round two because I wanna see how much it would slip in after licking it for 5 minutes. She clearly said no and indicated that it's a no. However, I thought she was being sarcastic and at the same time, she likes surprises so I pointed the tip to her thing but never put it in because by then is when I realized that she actually meant to say no. She wasn't being sarcastic or anything, she was genuinely tired and I failed to see that. This was when she started losing feelings. Days went on for her to think while I convinced her to give me a second chance but she didn't as she couldn't see a way to trust me anymore despite all the changes I tried to make. You see, I don't blame her choice and quite frankly, shame on me. I could never see myself the same anymore and it was basically an attempted rape. In your case, it's only a matter of will and if you really CANT trust him anymore or perhaps see him the same way. Then I think you should let go too. Rape or Attempted Rape is not a joke and it should be taken and handled seriously. It's been 5 years and all I did throughout this time is hate and hurt myself for what I've done. I have no intentions of killing myself as I plan on turning in myself this year. Right after I turn 21.You see, I was on this situation before but I was the "boyfriend" in this case. I was 15 years old and moved to a new town and new school. Moving to this new town, I also faced the challenge on moving on from the first love of my life as me and my Girl A broke up because she wasn't ready to have an online relationship. With that being said, she was still on my mind and it was so hard to get over her until I met this girl (Let's call her Girl B and my ex Girl A). Girl B would flirt with me and would always make sexual jokes around me, hinting that she was into me. Time progressed and I started to be into her as well. I never really had any sexual experience/sexual intercourse with someone as my past relationship with Girl A was mainly pure and wholesome so we kept things at low profile with holding hands and hugging so Meeting Girl B who showed sexual attraction and genuine feelings kinda made me move on from Girl A. I was young at the time too so the temptation would always kick in. I eventually not only being into Girl B but genuinely fell in love with her too. We decided to go out and the relationship went on for 7 months. Me and her would have sex at least 1-2 times a week because the sexual tension was big. This of course ended when our Relationship ended. I did something I should've have done and quite frankly, I really regretted it. It was right before when summer started when she started losing feelings for me because there's this one time where me and her were having sex and when it ended, we rested then suddenly I started eating her out of surprise because she normally likes surprises but then would ask her if I could keep going because maybe she's hurt. She said I could keep going. I asked her to do a round two because I wanna see how much it would slip in after licking it for 5 minutes. She clearly said no and indicated that it's a no. However, I thought she was being sarcastic and at the same time, she likes surprises so I pointed the tip to her thing but never put it in because by then is when I realized that she actually meant to say no. She wasn't being sarcastic or anything, she was genuinely tired and I failed to see that. This was when she started losing feelings. Days went on for her to think while I convinced her to give me a second chance but she didn't as she couldn't see a way to trust me anymore despite all the changes I tried to make. You see, I don't blame her choice and quite frankly, shame on me. I could never see myself the same anymore and it was basically an attempted rape. In your case, it's only a matter of will and if you really CANT trust him anymore or perhaps see him the same way. Then I think you should let go too.

Rape or Attempted Rape is not a joke and it should be taken and handled seriously. It's been 5 years and all I did throughout this time is hate and hurt myself for what I've done. I have no intentions of killing myself as I plan on turning in myself this year. Right after I turn 21.