1 Name: Seele : 2022-07-23 19:39 ID:uuJQ7v4T [Del]
When i have a platonic relationship with someone, my mind constantly tells me that they deserve to spend time with someone better, someone who's not mentally unstable like me, and that they're wasting my time with me. Even worse sometimes i think that i'm ruining their life by hanging out with me. This is why i never ask anyone to hangout and will only go if someone invite me (which, i'm very thankful of, people have done a lot of the time). Even though i know that they're nice people and probably won't think that way, it's still stuck in my head. It's so bad that if i see an opportunity to make them spend time with someone other than me (like a romantic partner), i will actually try to make it happen. I just feel like since they're so nice, they deserve someone who can make them actually happy. The only time i can accept myself to be their first choice is when they have no one else to go. Like, i would never leave them alone, ever! And i always make sure that they're having a good time with me, but if there's someone else other than me... they might be better off without me. I know this whole thing probably stems from my lack to non-existing self-esteem, but it's so hard to change the way i think when it's something that's stuck in my head for years. I really want to be a better friend, because they deserve one.
2 Name: Seele : 2023-08-07 14:33 ID:JA8zAIGv [Del]
It's been around a year since i made this post and i'm glad to say that my mindset on this matter has changed for the better. Meeting new people who made me feel accepted and understood really helped me realize that I do deserve good things, and that relationship is a two way bridge where i could give help to others and also ask for help. Of course relationships will have its own problem and maybe even end because of one thing or another, but i'll never regret it, and i'll continue to cherish the people that I have in my life now and continue to seek possible connection in the future. You really never know what a relationship could bring you, it could give you a lesson or a gift like it did to me.
