No more time wasted on stupid memes, games, and otherwise lethargic people. At first I thought it wouldn't be easy, that I'd be heartbroken again and hurt that I was outcast from another group of friends, certainly not the first time. I had reasons to doubt my decisions a couple times and regressed back and forth on them often. Sometimes I was so smitten with resentment towards everyone, it didn't feel fair, but it never was fair from the start.

But I feel better, MUCH better than I anticipated, maybe all I needed was time after all. Anhedonia is celebrating it's first anniversary this summer, a year has gone by and I can't bring myself to play or watch anything, just read and work. I don't think it's unhealthy anymore, I don't have basement dwellers living off their parent's social credit system to compare myself to anymore, I used to ask myself, "what am I doing wrong? Why are they so happy? Why do they find this garbage hilarious or deep?" I had and still have polarizing opinions and if it gives me a real personality then I'm all for it.

For 4 nights in a row I've been having strange dreams, old friends reconnecting with me, it leaves me with the strangest feeling when I wake up, toxic friends being friendly, cold faces apologizing and welcoming me back with open arms, people who I thought were kind but needed to ghost telling me obscene things or acting in malicious ways, I don't know what the point of these are at all.

I don't feel like I desperately need to have friends anymore, I've been a loner pretty much my entire life and thought I was missing something crucial. I really wasn't, of course I'm open to meeting new people but I won't put as much weight on these relationships anymore, because the value of my happiness isn't staked on these relationships. Instead I have a chance to really enjoy my own journey without drama, meeting expectations, or interruptions, perfect 🏔️