Hey so uh, this is kind of a vent but also I'd like any advise on my situation.
Online school fucked me up for two years and I got so absorbed into social media that I developed social anxiety and now that I'm around people in rl school again, I feel hella dysphoric. I was around adults online for a long time and now I'm around teenagers who only care about grades and attention and it feels like everything I've learned as a person in the past 2 years was futile. It feels like the growth I had was all irrelevant because no one gives a shit about human values irl.
With that said, my school's like really pressuring me because of exams and idk if I should take a break from social media. I'm confused because online people keep me sane whereas irl people just make me feel terrible but at the same time, I'm so anxious around people online and around friends who I drifted away from or it feels like even if there's nice things online, I'm too busy to be actively involved anywhere or people are too busy to hear me vent about anything happening irl. I'm worried I'm being a bother everywhere.
I've cried three days in a row now bleg I just dunno what to do. It feels so overwhelming. I wanna be myself and be open but it comes with so much anxiety and if I'm acting reserved, I feel like I'm suppressing a lot of toxic feelings caused by others. I wanna do well in school but people irl kill my day and I wanna try self-help stuff but I'm so lonely and can't help myself. Everytime I try texting someone to rely on them, they're either unavailable or I'm too anxious to even express what I'm feeling.
It just feels too much.
Do I just work as a distraction until it's all over idk. I just wanna stop overthinking. I need smth to ground me but idk what will help at all.