I want to reconnect with an old friend that I used to know.

we used to be best friends and then I became mentally ill. we stopped talking around 11th grade.

I remember very little of them personally (I'm 25 now) but no matter how much I try to find a way to open up a message I fail.

we traumatized each other I'm sure. I wish to know more about who this old friend of mine is today, but can't ethically decide on whether or not it's selfish in nature.

this person I remember once pushed my body to harm itself in a dissociated stupor. I know this person was not the kindest they could be. but we were children and I can empathize with what I remember her home life being.

I abandoned this person (I think) just one day out of the blue but can't remember fully.

I dissociated a lot back then and a lot of my childhood is blurry.

the reason I am struggling with reaching out is also because I know this person was in love with me once. I see their tumbr from this time in my life and I can only wonder how I can make it up to her. maybe become friends again. I have no romantic feelings towards her ( I'm married now) but I just can't stand to think that my actions as a child led to any trauma for her. because the smallest things can.

a selfish nag I've been dealing with is the overwhelming idea of learning more about myself. my past. given, a possibility for a untrustworthy narrator, but I remember so little. my dissociation were so bad and I only feel like I've really been in my body for the last w years. I remember so little of my childhood. but I remembered I used to be on this site a lot.

anyway, I'd really like to reach out. but I just can't conclude if it's worth it even if I had a chance to be making things worse.

I've been going back and forth on this idea for a few months now, and hope maybe someone here could shed some empathy with a solution to my difficult action.

I can add as many details as I remember.

thank you any$.

While there are bridges that are better off burned, there are also bridges that remain passable.

If you think it would help you, why not give it a shot? You may try to strike a conversation by asking them how are they doing or how their life has been. You may follow this up by sincerely apologizing for all the things you've done in the past, and ask them if they'd like to start anew.

If they deem that they are happy with their current life and think that reconciling with you may bring more bad than good to them (opening old wounds, stress, etc.), then I suggest you let that friendship go.

It is admirable enough that you want to fix your friendship by accepting your mistakes and trying to do other party right. However, it is important to accept that there are relationships that cannot be mended. They may have forgiven you long ago, but that doesn't mean that they are ready for the friendship again.

I have gone through the same thing. Its something that constantly gnaws at you and you ask your self, "why? Why" I think you are trying to reconnect to the self you once were and (excuse me if I am making baseless assumptions) you think you might be happier. Try things. Thats the point of being human (among other things)

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